I will never understand what goes on in a pwBPD head

[Red Devil]

Again ive been blindsided by a BPD Women and know the traits but even to this day cannot work out what is going on in their brains. I was with my ex for roughly 5 monthes. Being honest our relationship was all about sex which was great. It all went pear shaped when I got drunk one night and confused lust with love and I said them love words. All went pear shaped after that. After that she met someone else. To make things worse, I look after my body, train, muscular, well groomed etc, and he is fat, obese ? What the heck. Just before we split up I stupidly got out a mobile phone for her under my name as her credit isn't to good. After continuos late payments I threatened to pay it off and a year later I put a block on it so finally rid of it as change of ownership is over to her now as she knew I wasn't joking. She's been with this guy the last year, me only 5 monthes ? Even up to a month ago she would ring me up at 2am asking me to pick her up, wants to meet for sex, can she move in with me etc etc but I was polite but never gave in. This is when she was still with him. Ive sinced found out shes moved to the other end of the country to be with him. So is this just to use him as must admit my ego as taken a blow. All I can think of is he must be giving her money etc as she hasnt held a job down in all the time ive known her.

[Red Devil]

And it seems like a pure co-incidence  that since I pulled the plug on the contract phone and made her change the ownership of the phone over to her or I pull the plug on it, then 2 weeks later she's living with this other guy after asking to move in with me, etc. Just makes me think he must be being a soft touch with her and she knows I wont put up with her crap anymore. Or do these women run when they think your on to them

[cosmonaut]

Hi Red Devil,

I'm sorry to hear about your pain with your ex.  BPD relationships can be hard, and being left can be very painful.  We need to grieve the loss, and then begin to examine our role in the relationship.  I think that your realization that you knew the signs of BPD, but pursued a relationship with a woman with BPD could be something to look at.  Often we have some deep seated reasons for doing this.

Being honest our relationship was all about sex which was great.

Are you seeking a healthy, intimate relationship?

The reasons that pwBPD leave relationships are complex, and often have to do with fears of abandonment and engulfment.  Eventually, this back and forth push/pull dynamic can become too much for them to handle, and they decide the only way for them to end their fears and overwhelming emotions are to leave.  It may be that there are other reasons in play too, however, if as you say the relationship was only about sex.  In general, however, it is the degree of emotional dysregulation that is at the heart of the decision to leave.

[Infern0]

Again ive been blindsided by a BPD Women and know the traits but even to this day cannot work out what is going on in their brains. I was with my ex for roughly 5 monthes. Being honest our relationship was all about sex which was great. It all went pear shaped when I got drunk one night and confused lust with love and I said them love words. All went pear shaped after that. After that she met someone else. To make things worse, I look after my body, train, muscular, well groomed etc, and he is fat, obese ? What the heck. Just before we split up I stupidly got out a mobile phone for her under my name as her credit isn't to good. After continuos late payments I threatened to pay it off and a year later I put a block on it so finally rid of it as change of ownership is over to her now as she knew I wasn't joking. She's been with this guy the last year, me only 5 monthes ? Even up to a month ago she would ring me up at 2am asking me to pick her up, wants to meet for sex, can she move in with me etc etc but I was polite but never gave in. This is when she was still with him. Ive sinced found out shes moved to the other end of the country to be with him. So is this just to use him as must admit my ego as taken a blow. All I can think of is he must be giving her money etc as she hasnt held a job down in all the time ive known her.

PwBPD downgrade to weaker partners because they are intimidated by stronger people.

I asked my ex why she got with a skinny druggy lose with hair like a toilet brush after me and her response was because she knew he wouldn't leave her.

If your PwBPD downgrades it's actually a testament to your strength

[myself]

I asked my ex why she got with a skinny druggy lose with hair like a toilet brush after me and her response was because she knew he wouldn't leave her.

Even then, she probably doesn't really believe it.

He'll get too close, or not close enough, and... .

She'll be the one doing the abandoning.

[dobie]

Mine did the same with her x she knew she was higher value didn't really fancy him but wanted someone safe and secure after she got dumped she addmited all this to me .

Even her getting dumped only upset her because she felt so "alone" without support from friends & family at the time

I've never heard her use the word I loved my xs it was all about need

[FannyB]

I will never understand what goes on in a pwBPD's head

You're not supposed to - they are mildly bonkers! But you can accept what they do without trying to understand it in your terms. Accept that they are ill/disordered and that you'll never get it and don't want to be in their heads!   If you try and translate their behaviour into logical terms it will drive you slowly mad... .

[Red Devil]

Yes they are very confusing people aernt they.Lets be honest, if your a bloke, go the gym, look after yourself, dress smart etc, without being Narcissic, its human nature you will question things when you see a ex with a out of shape scruffy bloke. With my ex the one she was with before that was in his 50s, out of shape, had blood pressure and erection problems, but he gave her money and helped her out. The theme with my ex BPD girlfriend is money, not working. I got out the contract mobile phone out on good faith yet I received letters of her non payments and it was coming back on me. I warned her continually I would buy the contract out if I had any more letters but after a year of this I don't think she took me seriously and would periodically tex or call me after saying she never wanted to speak to me again .Has I said before ive had drunken calls at 2am asking to pick her up for sex etc and as much as I love sex I don't drop eanything im doing for anyone unless its family. She begged me 2 monthes ago to move in with me, I stayed firm again, said no.Im just shocked that shes living with him at the other end of the country after begging me. Also she hasn't worked in all the time ive known and the odd week here she has theres always been some excuse why she left yet in her past she's had this "supposed" good jobs . Im thinking she just realises im not a soft touch and shes staying with this guy as maybe he is and he is providing a home where she maybe doesn't have to work. She also said in our last convo that I never ring or tex her. Ha ha when I did I got the silent treatment so I couldn't win. I know about Borderline women first hand now and the first time I was blindsided by one a few years back, I was devastated, couldn't sleep, eat etc. Now I know about the disorder it doesn't effect my life, I just struggle to make sense of it still though but gladly it doesn't effect my life even though there is a part of me that wants to show her im not like the rest of the mugs paying for her and doing her favours.