Are any of you completely incommunicado?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am strongly considering blocking my Ex's only avenue of communication to me, my email, for the next three months. Since my EX broke NC after 28 days, I've received three email messages from her and they have revealed for me how far I am from detachment. Have any of you completely walled yourself off from contact from your EX pwBPD? How did it feel when that last connection was snuffed out?  

[Dunder]

I am strongly considering blocking my Ex's only avenue of communication to me, my email, for the next three months. Since my EX broke NC after 28 days, I've received three email messages from her and they have revealed for me how far I am from detachment. Have any of you completely walled yourself off from contact from your EX pwBPD? How did it feel when that last connection was snuffed out?  

[dagwoodbowser]

I am strongly considering blocking my Ex's only avenue of communication to me, my email, for the next three months. Since my EX broke NC after 28 days, I've received three email messages from her and they have revealed for me how far I am from detachment.

Dunder I'm sure different members have varying levels of N/C or low contact depending on situation. I've chosen to 100% N/C approaching 2 months. My BPDx broke through a few weeks ago but I didnt respond. I've blocked her phone to calls and texts as well as email. It wasnt an easy decision, but so far I'm getting far better control of my emotions. It's a choice. Continue what you know will always be or go in new direction for yourself and your well being. I already did everything I could to help her and she wont seek treatment. I am now taking care of myself and doing what I can to heal.

[Infared]

I was in a lot of pain and confused initially as my ex was lying to me and ran off with new supply.  So I was contacting her and trying to work things out as I did not know about the other guy... .but as I sorted things out and got therapy I decided to go completely NC because of her smug abusive behavior. When I did it was a mix of feelings. I actually sent her a voice message telling her to (gulp) "stay out of my life!" And then I cut all ties and contacts. Part of me was upset at the finality ... .but part of me could feel the power of taking full charge of my life and moving forward. I was making THIS decision. Not her. Actually, as sick as it was... .I had to ACTUALLY a end our relationship. She would contact me randomly just to see if I still wanted her in my assessment. It was empowering to cut the cord... .Those were the last words that I ever said to her even though she has attempted to walk up to me in public on a number of occasions.  I never allow her to get anywhere near me.  She doesn't even deserve a conversation with me after all the horrible behavior she showered me with. She was selfish, vindictive and downright cruel. I put an end to that nonsense.

[Irish Pride]

I am strongly considering blocking my Ex's only avenue of communication to me, my email, for the next three months. Since my EX broke NC after 28 days, I've received three email messages from her and they have revealed for me how far I am from detachment.

Dunder I'm sure different members have varying levels of N/C or low contact depending on situation. I've chosen to 100% N/C approaching 2 months. My BPDx broke through a few weeks ago but I didnt respond. I've blocked her phone to calls and texts as well as email. It wasnt an easy decision, but so far I'm getting far better control of my emotions. It's a choice. Continue what you know will always be or go in new direction for yourself and your well being. I already did everything I could to help her and she wont seek treatment. I am now taking care of myself and doing what I can to heal.

I'm with Dagwood. 100% n/c. I made this decision a few days ago, after some back and forth emails between us. We've been apart for 6 months. I told her that I thought she had BPD, she doesn't think so, so I cut the cord and moved on. I couldn't have lived with myself if I hadn't tried. I've done what I could/can. Everything. I also wanted to make it crystal clear to her where I stood with us. No more back and forth BS. Must have worked, because she joined POF (dating site) that same day. It's time to rebuild myself. I have deleted every email, every picture, blocked every way I know of. I know I'll run into her, at some point in the future. We live in the same apartment complex (we can see each others bedroom windows) and I service the equipment where she works. But, there's ways around that, if need be. Point is, I'm done and moving forward. There's no "happily ever after", no "clicking the ruby slippers". It's over. It hurts like hell, I'm a bit angry and bitter, but at the same time there's a 500lb weight that's off my shoulders. Nobody can take care of me but me.

[Infared]

I am strongly considering blocking my Ex's only avenue of communication to me, my email, for the next three months. Since my EX broke NC after 28 days, I've received three email messages from her and they have revealed for me how far I am from detachment.

Dunder I'm sure different members have varying levels of N/C or low contact depending on situation. I've chosen to 100% N/C approaching 2 months. My BPDx broke through a few weeks ago but I didnt respond. I've blocked her phone to calls and texts as well as email. It wasnt an easy decision, but so far I'm getting far better control of my emotions. It's a choice. Continue what you know will always be or go in new direction for yourself and your well being. I already did everything I could to help her and she wont seek treatment. I am now taking care of myself and doing what I can to heal.

I'm with Dagwood. 100% n/c. I made this decision a few days ago, after some back and forth emails between us. We've been apart for 6 months. I told her that I thought she had BPD, she doesn't think so, so I cut the cord and moved on. I couldn't have lived with myself if I hadn't tried. I've done what I could/can. Everything. I also wanted to make it crystal clear to her where I stood with us. No more back and forth BS. Must have worked, because she joined POF (dating site) that same day. It's time to rebuild myself. I have deleted every email, every picture, blocked every way I know of. I know I'll run into her, at some point in the future. We live in the same apartment complex (we can see each others bedroom windows) and I service the equipment where she works. But, there's ways around that, if need be. Point is, I'm done and moving forward. There's no "happily ever after", no "clicking the ruby slippers". It's over. It hurts like hell, I'm a bit angry and bitter, but at the same time there's a 500lb weight that's off my shoulders. Nobody can take care of me but me.

Good for you. It's quite telling that she has to sign right up to date immediately... .no processing the situation of the loss of a meaningful relationship. That says a lot... .and it isn't positive.

[myself]

I blocked her on social media sites because I didn't want to look at her stuff, while detaching/letting go, and didn't want her seeing mine. The relationship was done, the friendship was done, so why would we still interact like that? She's tried contacting a few times by phone since then but I didn't answer or reply. She knows where I live and work but I haven't felt the need to dig moats/build walls. She's gone, and even if she comes back around I've moved on. NC doesn't matter much, we're on such different levels now.

[DyingLove]

I can't wait until I'm strong enuff to do this!  I am not secure enuff with myself to do this.  Todays episode with me should make that clear. I think that the ex's should be banished to Bogey Land!  Once I am able to detach from the fantasy of my ex's idealization of me, then it all goes down the tubes.  I have only ONE picture of my ex wife, and I needed that to have divorce papers served to her in 2012. Other than that I do not want her anywhere near my life. Hopefully I'll be able to say that one day about my ex. It's killing me as it is.

[bunnyrabit]

Yes I am completely NC with my ex. She tries to call me from time to time but her number is blocked on my phone so she goes straight to voicemail and I don't call back. I don't need a lot of people in my life, I spend most of my days alone but I do need *some* human interaction and I can't let that be her. After a while the loneliness will get the best of me and I will automatically seek out new people and that is where I want to be, I've done this before. She is familiar and comfortable, we know each other so well, so I do have the urge to go to her for emotional support but I can't give in to this. I now must start a new chapter in my life with someone else and I am determined to get there whatever it takes. After I've reached that point of complete detachment I guess I'd be willing to have friendly contact with her but by then I'll probably won't have the desire. I'm NC for about 5-6 months now btw, never mind a few drunken slipups from my side, and slowly detaching but certainly not there yet.

[dagwoodbowser]

Good for you. It's quite telling that she has to sign right up to date immediately... .no processing the situation of the loss of a meaningful relationship. That says a lot... .and it isn't positive.

I was involved in one of several of the workshops here. I cant remember which one it was exactly but there was a good analogy about the difference between Ignorance and Stupidity.

Ignorance: lacking knowledge, information, or awareness about something in particular.

Stupidity: behavior that shows a lack of good sense or judgment

When I first started seeing and dating my BPDx I was ignorant. The red flags were all there, but I ignored them and went into denial. A few trys and recycles later I kept expecting different results. Once I discovered this place and kept seeing the same classic BPD behaviors and patterns I could no longer be in denial. I could no longer claim to be ignorant.

[valet]

I haven't really talked to her over the past 2 months, but we are hanging out this upcoming week.

I think that I'm at the point in which I have to test both my fears and boundaries about her.

I don't think that she can occupy the place in my mind that she did before, so it might just work out to be a long friendship as long as she doesn't initiate anything weird.

That said, and more importantly, it took me a lot of mental effort and pretty strict NC to get to this point. I have met many new people and had some really great experiences post-breakup, which I believe has completely accelerated my healing. I had my doubts about my decision to break NC, but I don't think that you should have those same doubts about going NC with yours.

NC was the only thing that defined my position in a future relationship (and by this I mean friendship). If I had stayed in touch with her I'm am 99% confident that I would have still woken up covered in sweat, subconsciously thinking that I was still in the relationship.

Remember that boundaries are not for other people, they are for yourself. When you institute them, they can change your attitude. A powerful tool, definitely, but it also carries its own sadness, so be prepared for that as well if you choose to stick to it.