feeling so responsible

[dobie]

I feel so full of guilt and blame  :'(

I wish I had not been so quick to anger when she riled me

I wish I had been more romantic

I wish I had understood her fears about money

I wish I had been more fun and pro active

I wish I had engaged her more emotionally

I wish i never stopped sleeping next to her most days

I wish I kissed her passionately more

I wish I had fought for her when she left instead of being angry and going nc

I wish I never chased more promotions at work

I wish I didn't cry like a child for what I couldn't keep as a man

I wish she would give me one more chance I can't forget her and I can't stop loving her I've tried everything friends , drink , drugs, therapy , hobbies , work, women  everything I can't stop loving her I can't and its killing me I feel like I die a little more each day .

[FannyB]

And if she's truly got BPD mate, you might have lasted longer with her - but the end would have been the same. They can't go the distance - period. The longer you stay with them, the deeper they burrow themselves in. If you think the pain you're currently in can't be surpassed, then imagine how you'd be feeling if you'd lasted one more year with her - or perish the thought, had impregnated her? You're craving someone who would ultimately destroy you - it doesn't make sense, but we all share your pain.  :'(  You deserve soo much better - she is not the alpha and the omega for you. She is not the step-mum that your kids deserve either! Stay strong and keep venting. You will get through this! 

[dobie]

And if she's truly got BPD mate, you might have lasted longer with her - but the end would have been the same. They can't go the distance - period. The longer you stay with them, the deeper they burrow themselves in. If you think the pain you're currently in can't be surpassed, then imagine how you'd be feeling if you'd lasted one more year with her - or perish the thought, had impregnated her? You're craving someone who would ultimately destroy you - it doesn't make sense, but we all share your pain.  :'(  You deserve soo much better - she is not the alpha and the omega for you. She is not the step-mum that your kids deserve either! Stay strong and keep venting. You will get through this!  

Thanks mate that's the thing if I did all those things all the things she complained about she would not have left (I don't have kids) she just never told me she would just grumble or complain but never sat me down it was like she expected me intuitively to do all the above .

I didn't have a clue she "loved me but was not in love with me for a year "

How was I supposed to know when she was taking me to wedding venues , talking about the names of our kids , telling me once we were married we would share the finances again (not that I cared) talking to me about going travelling on our honey moon for 6 months .telling me in June how happy she was and fearing it would all go wrong . feeling happy at the thought she might be pregnant telling me she wanted a little dobie . how she was going to do more for my pops and be more supportive (a week before dumping me) I miss you texts everyday I've always felt we are "meant to be"

Telling me she has never still found a man as sxy as me after six years


But then I should have listened to the other stuff

Urghh if your dad dies I suppose you will quit your job

We need to get married this engangment is going on too long (moan)

Do we make each other happy

Why am I not happy

Do we have anything in common

Anger about money always arguing and resentment over money

Her lack of happiness when they said yes to buying the flat

If I was pregnant now it would be a disaster

I'm nearly 30 I haven't lived my life I feel boring my life is boring I'm boring

Comments about wanting to have one night stands

[FannyB]

It was the same with my ex Dobie. Always something else, goalposts continually moving etc. I've rationalized that if I'd have done what she asked there would have been another sh*t test to pass!   During idealization they see you as the answer to all their problems -  during devaluation you become the cause of them!   Anything to absolve themselves of blame for the way they are. Denial is the glue that holds their shattered souls together! You can't change that. Only self-realization and a commitment to years of therapy can. And that, my friend, is a very rare occurrence in 'BPDland' - especially when she can easily distract herself with fresh 'supply'. 

[dobie]

It was the same with my ex Dobie. Always something else, goalposts continually moving etc. I've rationalized that if I'd have done what she asked there would have been another sh*t test to pass!   During idealization they see you as the answer to all their problems -  during devaluation you become the cause of them!   Anything to absolve themselves of blame for the way they are. Denial is the glue that holds their shattered souls together! You can't change that. Only self-realization and a commitment to years of therapy can. And that, my friend, is a very rare occurrence in 'BPDland' - especially when she can easily distract herself with fresh 'supply'.  

Yeah she was never happy there was always a problem/s even during the years of idealisation .

I just became the problem after she used up all her other excuses of course she could never admit she was the problem ever it was always me her job her boss her friends her family blah blah

She does not suffer depression ookkk

Ultimately I know your right I could have done everything but in the end her unhappiness would remain and as she can't be the source she would have projected out

Probably had affairs or just left and not even realised why

Someone that unhappy and selfish can't sustain a 30 year marriage she said she will probably end up like her mum divorced since 38 and one failed r/s after another single at 53 and that's honestly how I see her life I'm sure she will marry have kids but it will all blow up until she goes into therapy and takes responsibility for her feelings and behaviours