Paradigm Shift

[Ysabel]

I have had an epiphany of sorts. It seems rather clear that there is nothing I can really do to stop my BPDh from raging or accusing me or justifying his actions or, fill in the blank with any destructive BPD behavior. It's actually freeing to think that he is going to do what he is going to do, and that I'm not the cause,  just his audience. There are a lot of patterns and behaviors that I myself have stopped doing, in order to stop making things worse. Plus I try to always remember the mode of communication that works best with him, Validate, Empathize, but tell the Truth. Building a rich life outside of our marriage works well too, it's like he responds much better when the pressure is "off him". There isn't a whole lot of room in our marriage for me these days. And the fact that he is on 4  medications and still remains the same , to me, points to an illness that is just not going away in this lifetime. All that being said, it still feels counter intuitive to "back off", even though I can clearly see it works.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.