Major trigger today, please help

[Beach_Babe]

So today is one year since ex and I last saw each other. He flew out here and spent a week with me. Today mutual friend calls, to tell me he and ex are in my city but do not care to see me. But mutual friend has business here on Monday and would I mind lettimg him crash at my place for a night after he drops ex back off at airport Sunday?

%#€^€!÷   So not only does it not bother ex this exact day we were together, he flies out 3,000 miles to meet up with his buddy (who lives 3000 miles away with him and is only here on a business trip) to my city? But "dont tell beach babe im here? But of course mf did. Im going to be sick. Ex never cared about me at all, this proves it. He only came last year to see his buddy not me (buddy is out here every year on his birthday). %€=#^€&€€/#=_*

[runningup]

It really sucks when there are days that trigger a emotion, they are especially difficult and I feel for you.

[Beach_Babe]

Thanks. Im just so hurt.

[Olivia_D]

Narcissism is the gift that always takes, always leaves a path of destruction, and manages to let you know about it. It is confirmation that being away from this person will s healthier for you. Those that know him should be more respectful in not being messengers for him, and then seek free lodging. That is not acceptable, either.

[ShadowIntheNight]

Narcissism is the gift that always takes, always leaves a path of destruction, and manages to let you know about it. It is confirmation that being away from this person will s healthier for you. Those that know him should be more respectful in not being messengers for him, and then seek free lodging. That is not acceptable, either.

I agree with this, to an extent because I wonder if the mutual friend never mentioned that ex was visiting until after he had crashed at your place. Imagine how THAT would make you feel. Is this the guy who was creating the conflict between you and your ex? If so, I'd turn my phone off when he called and not take his call. Or I'd tell him you prefer no company. I know I wouldn't let that douchebag stay at my home. He's no friend.

[Beach_Babe]

Olivia and Shadow: I thought I blocked mutual friend. But that is really not what bothers me. This week is the anniversary of when my ex and I last saw each other; he flew out here and spent the week and proposed. I am so broken hearted a year this week has passed and he cares so little about me he flies 3000 miles back to my city to hang out with a buddy here on business THE SAME EXACT WEEK. Then tells him "oh dont tell her I am here." The same man who I bought 6 tickets to visit, who refused to see me in his own city. But he will come for a friend? Wow. I am crushed. Even worse, I found out he coordinated his trip to see me last year so he could see this same guy. Which I was forced to, for 2 of the 7 days. So maybe that's why he came last year too, for HIM. Not me. Maybe he never cared at all. Maybe I was just used.

[ShadowIntheNight]

Olivia and Shadow: I thought I blocked mutual friend. But that is really not what bothers me. This week is the anniversary of when my ex and I last saw each other; he flew out here and spent the week and proposed. I am so broken hearted a year this week has passed and he cares so little about me he flies 3000 miles back to my city to hang out with a buddy here on business THE SAME EXACT WEEK. Then tells him "oh dont tell her I am here." The same man who I bought 6 tickets to visit, who refused to see me in his own city. But he will come for a friend? Wow. I am crushed. Even worse, I found out he coordinated his trip to see me last year so he could see this same guy. Which I was forced to, for 2 of the 7 days. So maybe that's why he came last year too, for HIM. Not me. Maybe he never cared at all. Maybe I was just used.

I wouldn't go as far as the last part of your comment, but I will say this. Why would he tell the mutual friend "don't tell her I'm here." I think he knew the friend would tell you. If it didn't matter, he shouldn't have brought it up or even said "do what you want! I don't care." For whatever reason, it seems he did want you to know he was out there. And if he didn't care about you, why would he care if you knew or not? He sounds like he's playing games. Not a very mature guy for sure. I know it's hard, and I'm sorry.

And frankly, karma is not going to be friendly to either of these guys for treating you so rudely. If he wants to be done with you, both he and his buddy need to quit torturing you. It's quite despicable the way they're behaving. Like 12 year olds.

[Infared]

I think that this is an excellent opportunity for you to set a boundary with this "friend".

Your ex and this guy are friends and look at this person's behavior toward you. This is very telling of both person's total lack of regard for your feelings.

Just thought of this possibility... .have you indicated to this "friend" about your feelings regarding the relationship? Have you givin any indication that you are over the relationship and that it is not an issue for you? This might explain his behavior.  I know that sometimes we may feign resolve or strength to people and although we are just trying to show fortitude (maybe to ourselves!), it can send out a message that we are "over" something, that we are not. It could explain his perceived callousness... .

(Just checking, sometimes I forget my own behavior)

[Tibbles]

Man that's rough. I totally see why you feel so hurt by this. As for not caring about you. They care the best they can care and sometimes that seems pretty pathetic. It's awful to get triggered like this, especially on a significant day. Can you release that emotion in some way - cry, go for a run, scream, have a mini melt down? Get it out somehow, once its gone then you can look at healing again. Hugs to you