Thoughts in the outcome?

[Hawk Ridge]

Soo... .I saw her... .for the 3rd time since she ended our relationship a little over a year ago.  She has been with my replacement since last May. Still stings a bit as she said she left to be alone but I guess truth is in the eye of the beholder.  (Sorry, guess I still harbor some bitterness)  I am a lot better than I was so headed more progressively towards acceptance. I continue to have a relationship with her mom and family.  She continues to email and text me, telling me she loves me.  When she was with me, she would see her exes, see that they gained weight and then briefly things would be great between us.  I am up about 10 pounds so concerned she will do that with me.  Oh well, that's the crazy reacting to her BPD thinking again.

 

Anyway, i was at the hospital visiting her elderly mother who is having a health crisis so it's stressful all around.  My first question is just that: how do BPD's react to imminent and serious health problems in their families?   She usually tends to like to be a martyr, very dramatic.  I am curious if this will cause a dysregulation. Thoughts?

I greeted her with a casual, "hey buddy!" The gift of this horribly painful relationship and breakup is that I had to grow up and be more confident, things she berated me about even tho I am a very kind, generally optimistic, and cheerful professional in my early 50's.  The cheerful optimism went away while I was deeply grieving but is generally back now.  She also used to berate me for apologizing.  I'll be honest, in my therapy since she left, I have been working on regaining my confidence and apologizing less so I am grateful for this as well.  Anyway, as I discussed a situation where I apologized to my also physically ill elderly mother, she said "of course you did."  She was distant but slightly attentive during my visit as we gave each other "old friend" hugs at entrance and exit.  

I have been a little shook, better than before, but impacted nonetheless, over analyzing my every move.  I am grateful it hasn't derailed me like it did in the past but I am also cognizant that it is difficult.

Like another post here today, I do want to be her friend but her moods are tough.  Her sister called me today to thank me for being there for the family, stating how important it was to the family even tho my relationship with her sister "didn't end as" I "wanted it to."   I informed her I was fine with it ending, that I only wanted to be friends with her sister although I recognized it was somewhat tense now, it would relax in the future.  I felt shame when she said that, as it didn't end as "I wanted it," felt like a loser. Sometime it is hard to accept her family doesn't see how damaged she is but I know she only acts out towars those she is in relationship with so no one sees what happens behind closed doors,  hard to accept that she is still in a relationship with someone else even tho she states her love for me via text and email although I choose to believe this is a platonic love and yet she is so ... .weird in person.  I know, logically, it is he disease and likely I trigger her as much as I am derailed by her.  I used to wish she and the replacement would break up to validate me but now I feel compassion for the replacement as my ex would control and ignore me if family things were going on. Her moods/love also seemed to vascillate on a 3 month cycle.  

I can only assume the same thing is happening.  While I feel shame our relationship only lasted 18 months, my therapist thinks it is because I actually have boundaries and likely to healthy for her as I would actually want to talk and try to figure things out so we could move on, another reason she disparaged our relationship.  No winning here.   Regardless, it is not my business and I cannot read minds.

Anyway, I saw her.  I needed to talk about it.   Thank you

[Mutt]

Hi hawkridge,

Usually when a pwBPD say they need to be alone or need space is because they fear annihilation or engulfment. It's good to hear things are moving closer to acceptance and it's a difficult road nonetheless... .

I understand BPD is a persecution complex and a pwBPD will sometimes take on different roles in a drama triangle with persecutor or rescuer and will mostly   stay in the position of martyr or victim.

She could be dysregulated it's hard to tell from your post  although stress and anxiety can trigger a pwBPD. It's hard being friends with a pwBPD it's all or nothing.

Do you think it's possible that family members were likely treated the same way with "all good" or "all bad"? I ask because I saw my ex sometimes would give family members the silent treatment because she didn't like the feedback or comments a family member said. If I think back I think that it's likely because she felt rejected or she may of felt insecure about herself too. They were likely mistreated too and they may not see the bigger picture, are scared of her or they may accept her and ride out the behaviors?

What do you think triggered these texts where she declares her love? It sounds like not all is well with her and the replacement if she's idealizing you no? What do you mean she's weird in public? I found my ex either displays she's about to fight or flee, looks of disgust and anger and sometimes avoidance. Is that what you mean?

[Hawk Ridge]

Gosh, Mutt. Thank you!  It helps to come here to decompress after a sighting/interaction.  Sorry for the mispellings and/or lack of clarity.  I was still a little shook.

I am glad for your feedback as I think you are correct in asking about clarification regarding her "wierdness.". It was actually a cross between avoidance and approaching, not sure even she knew what to do.  I found myself just staring at her one point, thinking what in the world did I ever see in her? Did I ever know who she was? I am a fairly free spirited optimistic person, live and let live type.  She is a driven black and white professional.  I have been a human services professional for my whole career and she in banking.  She has zero tolerance for people in need... .and that's my job. She let me know her disdain for my job even though, ironically, I work with a mental illness client base.  I remember her asking me one day about mental illness.

I think she may have felt I could see through her.  I didn't even though BPD's have always been a professional challenge for me and I let her know that.  I didn't see it in her even though she had told me of the cutting, the addictions, the multiple ER visits after suicide attempts, the alienation between her and her family members, the multiple multiple relationships, the disrespect and judgement for all others including families, friends, and exes, the lack of friendships... .I saw and heard it all and yet I didn't... .I was blind to my own specialty. Wow, what a mindbender and, when my clients act out with me I never take it personally.  When she did with me, I lost nearly a year of my life to grief.  I am better at what I do professionally now because I can be more understanding and supportive of the support network, family members.   As I looked at her, I asked myself how it is that she held me in this spell and yet she is... .my clientele.  It's a mindbender.

 

I had been so hurt by the replacement and fears she would have a successful relationship with that person, that perhaps my therapist and I had been incorrect in our assessment yet if I look historically, the replacement has to be in the same rollercoaster ride.  The family will someday face this situation again but it is unknown if that person will take the same high road asI.  None of my business but i do need to get off the shame train, believing I am the sole loser in her eyes.  In reality, I am in good company.

 

Anyway, as I left, I put my shoulders back and left.  It was only after I questioned my every action, over analyzing, asking myself if she would now return me to the black.  Then, when her sister said that, I felt that former defensiveness come back.  Was I loser? Did they really believe I was stupid as she said I was? As I said, our professions made us two different people - I tend to be passive and understanding while she is commanding and decisive.  I lost myself when we were together.  My gratitude for this past year of pain is the gaining of inner confidence and self love.  It's not her fault I lost it... .I likely never had it.

 

I also have gratitude that I finally now trust my higher power.  I hate to admit I didn't as much as I thought I had.  When you are brought to your knees in despair,you realize how incredibly out of control you are.  I didn't make the tree bark so I couldn't control this situation.  :)espute my desire to stay in the pain of that relationship, I was rescued by a power greater than myself.  I am ready finally to start dating again, gulp, and to do it differently as equals rather than me passively waiting for someone to take care of me.  It didn't work so well the other way.  

I'll be honest I would love to share my new found insights with her and her family but I do believe I am still not healed in my defensiveness and resentments nor would it serve any purpose, rather would fall in deaf ears so not going to happen. I also believe she would jump on me and point out my faults so... .my life will continue to be without that.

Also, another thing I wanted to share about her, what I choose to believe are platonic contacts - i have begun to realize if I am to not take her personal insults personally then it follows I cannot take her positive regard personally.  None of it is true. Though I will always love the person, I do not love the disorder and the disorder wins.

Thank you for listening and, Mutt, thanks for showing me the strength, wisdom, hope, and recovery that awaits me on this journey.

[Mutt]

Hi hawkridge,

I find it helps me to come here and post to decompress at a public sighting with my ex too. Yes, I do see and interact with her very briefly at the exchanges with the kids and sometimes I do see her shane and know it's best not to try and talk to her. It's more so when I see her unexpectedly in public that I see her shame, guilt, avoidance, anger visage permeates and I think it's because I see her without her mask or false self. I am a source of pain for her. It triggers me because it's not the person that I knew for several years, it hurts me too and I find it takes me awhile to re-center.

While I'm on the subject of the false self, do you think perhaps that when you met her you saw someone different than the clientele you work with? You fell in love with her and overlooked some of her quirks in the honeymoon phase? Do you deal more so with the projections and manipulations with the pwBPD you work with?

I understand the curiosity with comparing ourselves with the replacement and what type of treatment they are getting and if our exes are coping better with the new person than they did with us. Maybe you think that some of the really bad things that she said about you are right. I know that I did believe some of the words that were said for some time. I do understand that she splits herself and projects her bad feelings about herself to loved ones and these are her feelings that she can't cope with.

Do you think perhaps her family has seen this play out before in the past and maybe its something that they have become conditioned to? I found something peculiar that my exMIL said when I was introduced to her the 4th month or so after I met my ex and she said "So this is the one?" and it sounded sarcastic and reflecting back on it now, her family likely saw and heard her heavily idealize her new boyfriends. My ex can exaggerate her feelings like a young child and I think that it's something that her mom became used to. I can't speak for everyone's experiences with family, I get the impression that her family rides out when they are "all bad" and are indifferent knowing with her partners. I mean I got treated kindly and I think they also knew what to expect. A criteria for BPD is unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships; she's also idealizing you and professing her love in her texts?

I understand how you have gratitude for your higher power. I feel like my journey and healing has brought me in closer touch with myself, has brought wisdom, understanding and a new found gratitude for my higher power as well.

[peacefulmind]

Hi hawkridge,

Usually when a pwBPD say they need to be alone or need space is because they fear annihilation or engulfment. It's good to hear things are moving closer to acceptance and it's a difficult road nonetheless... .

I understand BPD is a persecution complex and a pwBPD will sometimes take on different roles in a drama triangle with persecutor or rescuer and will mostly   stay in the position of martyr or victim.

She could be dysregulated it's hard to tell from your post  although stress and anxiety can trigger a pwBPD. It's hard being friends with a pwBPD it's all or nothing.

Do you think it's possible that family members were likely treated the same way with "all good" or "all bad"? I ask because I saw my ex sometimes would give family members the silent treatment because she didn't like the feedback or comments a family member said. If I think back I think that it's likely because she felt rejected or she may of felt insecure about herself too. They were likely mistreated too and they may not see the bigger picture, are scared of her or they may accept her and ride out the behaviors?

What do you think triggered these texts where she declares her love? It sounds like not all is well with her and the replacement if she's idealizing you no? What do you mean she's weird in public? I found my ex either displays she's about to fight or flee, looks of disgust and anger and sometimes avoidance. Is that what you mean?

Just to emphasise on the whole "triangular" complex of BPD from my own experience... .My ex-BPD had a particular family member that throughout the many years I've known him/her was all painted black. I was fed lies how he/she would never be invited to be a part of my ex-BPDs life, not even when my ex-BPD and I would get married. Shortly after the silent treatment of me, and the inevitable BU, this family member was back into his/her life, and was being treated as if they had never been apart. It's sick. I've seen how much disgust my ex-BPD had for this family member, and now, it's reverse. I'm painted black, that leaves space for the family member to be painted white. It sickens me, and shows to me exactly how ridiculous this disorder is. I hope I realise at some point, that I really did dodge a bullet, and that I'm a much better person than having to deal with that kind of bull. Disgusting.

[Infared]

Hi hawkridge,

I find it helps me to come here and post to decompress at a public sighting with my ex too. Yes, I do see and interact with her very briefly at the exchanges with the kids and sometimes I do see her shane and know it's best not to try and talk to her. It's more so when I see her unexpectedly in public that I see her shame, guilt, avoidance, anger visage permeates and I think it's because I see her without her mask or false self. I am a source of pain for her. It triggers me because it's not the person that I knew for several years, it hurts me too and I find it takes me awhile to re-center.

While I'm on the subject of the false self, do you think perhaps that when you met her you saw someone different than the clientele you work with? You fell in love with her and overlooked some of her quirks in the honeymoon phase? Do you deal more so with the projections and manipulations with the pwBPD you work with?

I understand the curiosity with comparing ourselves with the replacement and what type of treatment they are getting and if our exes are coping better with the new person than they did with us. Maybe you think that some of the really bad things that she said about you are right. I know that I did believe some of the words that were said for some time. I do understand that she splits herself and projects her bad feelings about herself to loved ones and these are her feelings that she can't cope with.

Do you think perhaps her family has seen this play out before in the past and maybe its something that they have become conditioned to? I found something peculiar that my exMIL said when I was introduced to her the 4th month or so after I met my ex and she said "So this is the one?" and it sounded sarcastic and reflecting back on it now, her family likely saw and heard her heavily idealize her new boyfriends. My ex can exaggerate her feelings like a young child and I think that it's something that her mom became used to. I can't speak for everyone's experiences with family, I get the impression that her family rides out when they are "all bad" and are indifferent knowing with her partners. I mean I got treated kindly and I think they also knew what to expect. A criteria for BPD is unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships; she's also idealizing you and professing her love in her texts?

I understand how you have gratitude for your higher power. I feel like my journey and healing has brought me in closer touch with myself, has brought wisdom, understanding and a new found gratitude for my higher power as well.

I identify with what you are saying about the pwBPD's ongoing repeating script with the family members (which I think was disrespectfully acted out behind my back).

He is the one. He is perfect.

oh... .he is not doing as I planned and asking me to marry me in the pre-prescribed script that we have talked about for years.

oh... .he is no good either, like all the other ones before him.

oh... .I must go find my new hero and devalue infared after I am sure that I have the hook set in new hero (she does not tell the parents that part as it is done because of extreme abandonment fears and she carries tons of shame to all for the lying and cheating.) Of course they know the truth as she shows up with new hero one week after my discard.

Its sad and perhaps funny at the same time.,.that I loved this woman to death... .I just did not act in the prescribed script that would satisfy all players... .except me. I was a little out numbered. LOL!  I really think this is how things went down. In my case there were two families. The father had run off with the evil step mother (she was, too... .she treated my ex very poorly... .everyone else was great people who liked me ... .especially her Mom).  This is where  I believe the damage occurred for my ex ... .when Dad ran off with the dog when she was 5 years old.   Devastated her Mom, and cause my ex's emotional damage... .and abandonment fears.

When she ran off with replacement, I understood that that was the end of my relationship with all of them.  Painful loss for me as I have no family. I really liked being with them.  I found it to just be inappropriate to have any relationship with them after the discard.  Blood is waaaay thicker than water in my cause.

I think you are a brave man hawkridge to maintain those ties... .I could not and would not do it.  Too painful. God bless you!

[Hawk Ridge]

It's interesting... .I began this thread to virtually get my thoughts out of my head and, instead, I was provided the gift of insights by both of you.   Thank you!

First of all, Mutt, your questions and insights from your own experience both intrigue and spur me into greater understanding.

1) projection.  Very much like you, I had a difficult time divorcing myself from the dismissive and disrespectful comments about me, my intelligence, my character... .me.  It wounded me deeply.  Even this week, I received this amazing birthday card from my mother stating her awe for all things me. We are very stoic as a family - she can't even say she loves me yet she gives me this amazing card... .I cried.  After this past year and all it's pain, the things my ex berated, my gentle unique talented me... .my elderly mother loves and is in awe of.  I wept.  From my ex partner, it was pain... .I still struggle to understand the projection piece of it.  I do believe, on one hand, she respects me deeply for my ideals, my accomplishments, and integrity but... .man, she knows how to wound deeply.  I have to keep working on this.  When you spoke of your ex's reaction of shame upon seeing you, it triggered me to think maybe that's what happened the other day.  I was somewhat prepared she might be there so I did a lot internal coaching prior.  That said, I did feel like i didn't do it well enough.  

I wanted to be poised, mature, comfortable, and confident.  To a point, I pulled this off but I know it wasn't totally there as I let my guard down a little after I realized i accidentally interrupted her, something she berated me about previously.   Shame and unease started to kick in.  I maintained my visit with her mom in the hospital and then left as I did have another appt to go to.  I thanked God as I left that I handled it better than in the past but still wished I would have ... .been perfect, the same perfection I was not able to pull off for the last 6 months we were together, when I was painted black.

2) false self.  You nailed it! I fell in love with the idealized person I met again, 30 years after we went to high school and college with. She came back injured and broken after trying to kill herself because her prior love left her, telling her to get counseling (2 more red flags I ignored). In my job, I work in a position of authority so my clients don't necessarily want me in their lives.  BPD's in my job are more aggressive verbally and physically.  She was a high functioning quiet borderline waif.  I wasn't reading an evaluation discussing it... .wasn't looking for it.  I was off the clock.  She told me she suffered from depression.  After about a year, I began to suspect bipolar and had concerns as she was taking an antidepressant that I knew was not effective for as long as she was taking it, 20 years.  I shared my concerns about the mood swings and the constant sleeping with great care as I did not want her to think I was my job.  She expressed concerns about my job prior so I didn't want to trigger that.  She did nothing but look at me with wide eyes at the mention of the bipolar and did not change her meds.

If she did that with my replacement, then my replacement is blessed.  My ex told me she had been in the hospital 20 years ago, the ER a few more times, and them denied it, saying she had been drinking, a common fall back line.   The stories changed and I couldn't and perhaps didn't want to keep up with them as I thought I was the one person who could love her through it.  So many missed signs.  I remember just yearning for her to return to that first phase. Another gratitude is that I have better vision now. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, it ... .well, it is a duck.

3) family. You spurred something there too.  I remember now when we first got together, within 2 months of her being suicidal after her previous person left her, she introduced me to her family.  I knew her mom and brother from high school but the rest of the family seemed cautious.  Many had cut her out of their lives as they had loved one of her previous relationships but my ex cheated on and left that person, leaving them all reeling as they too had loved that person.  They grew to love me and I them.  When she left me, I wrote a very kind, dignified email to all, informing them of the split, casting zero blame, taking mutual responsibility as I still didn't know what had transpired, and letting them know I loved them.  Her adult niece called upset, stating they lost the person before and how it messes with her kids.  I let her know I didn't and won't leave them, same with her elderly mother.  It hasn't been easy but they know I am here and I am consistent.  I remember right before she left talking with a family friend in that town as my ex was declining and moody.  

I wondered if they knew things just weren't right.   The family friend said, yes, they had to be aware things weren't right with her.  I never told her.  I couldn't... .I still care for her and, perhaps because of my own deep knowledge of her condition professionally, this is part of where i have struggled to find anger... .she has had such trauma and this trauma has caused such pain for all of us she touches.  I have to work hard on the anger/resentment/forgiveness angle.  I resent that I have had her in my head for the last year and she appears to think nothing of me and not at all.  I resent that she was amazingly disrespectful and cruel towards me.  I resent that she was traumatized by someone and no one helped her to prevent this horrible disorder.  That said, if it hadn't happened, i would have never had this opportunity to work on this part of myself, to develop so much more on an emotional and spiritual level. Therefore, in my pain, I say thank you higher power.  

Good trade Peace ofmind - you know what? i saw that happen too and what helps is to know that she is an equal opportunity abuser, makes me feel less defective as I know I am not the only person she perceives to have defects or is judgemental of.  I don't wish it on them, or her for that matter, but once i made that realization, it helped me blame myself less. It will still always be the significant others first but it does seep out to others which isn't as obvious with quiet waifs.  She was judgemental towards all but never told them as she did when lambasting me behind closed doors.  I hope that helps as much as you and Mutt have helped me. Thank you both!

[peacefulmind]

It's interesting... .I began this thread to virtually get my thoughts out of my head and, instead, I was provided the gift of insights by both of you.   Thank you!

First of all, Mutt, your questions and insights from your own experience both intrigue and spur me into greater understanding.

1) projection.  Very much like you, I had a difficult time divorcing myself from the dismissive and disrespectful comments about me, my intelligence, my character... .me.  It wounded me deeply.  Even this week, I received this amazing birthday card from my mother stating her awe for all things me. We are very stoic as a family - she can't even say she loves me yet she gives me this amazing card... .I cried.  After this past year and all it's pain, the things my ex berated, my gentle unique talented me... .my elderly mother loves and is in awe of.  I wept.  From my ex partner, it was pain... .I still struggle to understand the projection piece of it.  I do believe, on one hand, she respects me deeply for my ideals, my accomplishments, and integrity but... .man, she knows how to wound deeply.  I have to keep working on this.  When you spoke of your ex's reaction of shame upon seeing you, it triggered me to think maybe that's what happened the other day.  I was somewhat prepared she might be there so I did a lot internal coaching prior.  That said, I did feel like i didn't do it well enough.  

I wanted to be poised, mature, comfortable, and confident.  To a point, I pulled this off but I know it wasn't totally there as I let my guard down a little after I realized i accidentally interrupted her, something she berated me about previously.   Shame and unease started to kick in.  I maintained my visit with her mom in the hospital and then left as I did have another appt to go to.  I thanked God as I left that I handled it better than in the past but still wished I would have ... .been perfect, the same perfection I was not able to pull off for the last 6 months we were together, when I was painted black.

2) false self.  You nailed it! I fell in love with the idealized person I met again, 30 years after we went to high school and college with. She came back injured and broken after trying to kill herself because her prior love left her, telling her to get counseling (2 more red flags I ignored). In my job, I work in a position of authority so my clients don't necessarily want me in their lives.  BPD's in my job are more aggressive verbally and physically.  She was a high functioning quiet borderline waif.  I wasn't reading an evaluation discussing it... .wasn't looking for it.  I was off the clock.  She told me she suffered from depression.  After about a year, I began to suspect bipolar and had concerns as she was taking an antidepressant that I knew was not effective for as long as she was taking it, 20 years.  I shared my concerns about the mood swings and the constant sleeping with great care as I did not want her to think I was my job.  She expressed concerns about my job prior so I didn't want to trigger that.  She did nothing but look at me with wide eyes at the mention of the bipolar and did not change her meds.

If she did that with my replacement, then my replacement is blessed.  My ex told me she had been in the hospital 20 years ago, the ER a few more times, and them denied it, saying she had been drinking, a common fall back line.   The stories changed and I couldn't and perhaps didn't want to keep up with them as I thought I was the one person who could love her through it.  So many missed signs.  I remember just yearning for her to return to that first phase. Another gratitude is that I have better vision now. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, it ... .well, it is a duck.

3) family. You spurred something there too.  I remember now when we first got together, within 2 months of her being suicidal after her previous person left her, she introduced me to her family.  I knew her mom and brother from high school but the rest of the family seemed cautious.  Many had cut her out of their lives as they had loved one of her previous relationships but my ex cheated on and left that person, leaving them all reeling as they too had loved that person.  They grew to love me and I them.  When she left me, I wrote a very kind, dignified email to all, informing them of the split, casting zero blame, taking mutual responsibility as I still didn't know what had transpired, and letting them know I loved them.  Her adult niece called upset, stating they lost the person before and how it messes with her kids.  I let her know I didn't and won't leave them, same with her elderly mother.  It hasn't been easy but they know I am here and I am consistent.  I remember right before she left talking with a family friend in that town as my ex was declining and moody.  

I wondered if they knew things just weren't right.   The family friend said, yes, they had to be aware things weren't right with her.  I never told her.  I couldn't... .I still care for her and, perhaps because of my own deep knowledge of her condition professionally, this is part of where i have struggled to find anger... .she has had such trauma and this trauma has caused such pain for all of us she touches.  I have to work hard on the anger/resentment/forgiveness angle.  I resent that I have had her in my head for the last year and she appears to think nothing of me and not at all.  I resent that she was amazingly disrespectful and cruel towards me.  I resent that she was traumatized by someone and no one helped her to prevent this horrible disorder.  That said, if it hadn't happened, i would have never had this opportunity to work on this part of myself, to develop so much more on an emotional and spiritual level. Therefore, in my pain, I say thank you higher power.  

Good trade Peace ofmind - you know what? i saw that happen too and what helps is to know that she is an equal opportunity abuser, makes me feel less defective as I know I am not the only person she perceives to have defects or is judgemental of.  I don't wish it on them, or her for that matter, but once i made that realization, it helped me blame myself less. It will still always be the significant others first but it does seep out to others which isn't as obvious with quiet waifs.  She was judgemental towards all but never told them as she did when lambasting me behind closed doors.  I hope that helps as much as you and Mutt have helped me. Thank you both!

For me, I should have seen it. I should've made the connection between the fact that the family member is highly BPD with narcissistic traits as well. It's unfortunate that this can be passed on through generations given the nature of the disorder, and that many more lives can be destroyed off of this. I hope my ex-BPD settles down and settles for good, so that no other has to go through what I have. It's been inhuman, the silence has been devastating, and the neverending thought of "was it ever real? Or was it ever as I perceived it?" will linger on in my mind for the rest of my life. Hopefully, detachment can come at some point, but I am still deeply embedded in my pain and feeling of betrayal. I too need to work on removing myself from the betrayal, and understand it is not personal, but merely a direct result of the crazy disorder that these people possess. It hurts nonetheless

[Mutt]

hawk,

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. It's hard not being told that your are loved. I can relate.

You have been out of the r/s for a year and are friends with her family.

You receive texts from her and you have a lot of compassion.

Why do you stay in touch with them now? How about self protection with minimal contact or low contact to speed up your recovery?

It sounds like you're split white hawkridge if she's telling she loves you? It's pull behavior... .

It's all or nothing and I understand this is the third time in a year you've seen her. That being said what's the deal with receiving her texts?

[Hawk Ridge]

Mutt, you're killing me! 

[Hawk Ridge]

I wrote a response but it got deleted.  It didn't sound good or likely make sense anyway.  I hear your concern and man I appreciate it.  I work hard to keep it low contact and committed to continuing along that path.  Again, thanks friend!

[Mutt]

   You're  welcome. I want you to know I think you can remain friends with her family and it may be a good idea to lay low until you feel stronger - temporarily. I'm not suggesting indefinitely. Take care.

[Hawk Ridge]

That last one helped more than you could know... .thank you!