Day 39 NC. Never going back. Glad trash took itself out.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

BB- They have supposedly been friends for like 15 years.  However, he seems to use her to make gf's jealous.  I reached out to his ex-wifes sister not long ago to see if there was any abuse because he swears to me he has never behaved like this with anyone else.  I grew up with these girls so it wasn't too awkward to ask.  She confirmed extreme emotional and at times phyisical abuse, said he cheated on her too.  And the person he cheated with... .yep you guessed it, this girl!  I don't know if she confirmed he cheated or not.  Just said he was calling her ALOT.  So, who knows.  I haven't told him that I did this.

I honestly don't know what I would do if he came back again right now.  I feel very strong right now.  I thought it was over the last time until he came back with the news about his Mom.  I am sure it will be something along those lines, something I won't be able to ignore.  Otherwise if its just BS about how he didn't mean it etc I am planning to ignore.

How are you feeling now?  Is it getting any easier yet?

[leftconfused]

BB- They have supposedly been friends for like 15 years.  However, he seems to use her to make gf's jealous.  I reached out to his ex-wifes sister not long ago to see if there was any abuse because he swears to me he has never behaved like this with anyone else.  I grew up with these girls so it wasn't too awkward to ask.  She confirmed extreme emotional and at times phyisical abuse, said he cheated on her too.  And the person he cheated with... .yep you guessed it, this girl!  I don't know if she confirmed he cheated or not.  Just said he was calling her ALOT.  So, who knows.  I haven't told him that I did this.

I honestly don't know what I would do if he came back again right now.  I feel very strong right now.  I thought it was over the last time until he came back with the news about his Mom.  I am sure it will be something along those lines, something I won't be able to ignore.  Otherwise if its just BS about how he didn't mean it etc I am planning to ignore.

How are you feeling now?  Is it getting any easier yet?

[Beach_Babe]

That was kind of you to still take time for his mom. Thats awful he was so abusive. To you too? What a putz.

Im doing ok I guess. Some days are good, some arent. But the good days are starting to outweigh the bad ones. How about for you?

[leftconfused]

Yes he was/is extremely emotionally abusive to me and he punched me in the arm a couple of times.  Of course, he says it was in reaction to me.  One time he was being so nasty to me I threw a lighter at him while I was SITTING on the couch and he felt justified to come over and hit me.  The lighter didn't even hit him   

Well I am happy to hear that the good days are starting to outweigh the bad!  That is a step in the right direction!  I am feeling really good the last few days.  I think the healing is really beginning now.  Just try to keep yourself busy doing things you love and surround yourself with good friends who make you laugh.  I have found this to be the best therapy!

[Beach_Babe]

Was he ever willing to attend therapy or anger management?  Does he recognize he has a real problem? Violence is never acceptable.

[JayApril]

Yes he was/is extremely emotionally abusive to me and he punched me in the arm a couple of times.  Of course, he says it was in reaction to me.  One time he was being so nasty to me I threw a lighter at him while I was SITTING on the couch and he felt justified to come over and hit me. 

I had an experience like that as well. Where my ex was speaking to me in a nasty way. I got up and tossed a pillow at him, and he thought it was okay to hit me because, "I put my hands on him". Mind you I was pregnant. Why do they provoke people, and justify their actions just to scream victim? I am glad you are seeing better days. I know that was tough and bleeping embarassing to get over.

[leftconfused]

Was he ever willing to attend therapy or anger management?  Does he recognize he has a real problem? Violence is never acceptable.

He is actually very aware he has a problem. He went to therapy for a couple years before but certainly not long enough. I actually brought up BPD to him and he doesn't deny it. Seems open to the possibility but won't go back to therapy because he doesn't have health insurance. Such a shame.

[leftconfused]

Yes he was/is extremely emotionally abusive to me and he punched me in the arm a couple of times.  Of course, he says it was in reaction to me.  One time he was being so nasty to me I threw a lighter at him while I was SITTING on the couch and he felt justified to come over and hit me. 

I had an experience like that as well. Where my ex was speaking to me in a nasty way. I got up and tossed a pillow at him, and he thought it was okay to hit me because, "I put my hands on him". Mind you I was pregnant. Why do they provoke people, and justify their actions just to scream victim? I am glad you are seeing better days. I know that was tough and bleeping embarassing to get over.

Omg Jayapril! That is terrible! So sorry you had to experience that... .especially pregnant! That is awful! Yes they do love to intentially push you to the point of reacting so they can feel justified. Its disgusting. In what world is it OK in a mans mind to raise their hands to a woman because something was thrown? Like a pillow? I mean really. That is what mine always said to. You put your hands on me first. The first time it happened was last fourth of July. We were having a fight and I was trying to stay quiet and leave him alone and because I was ignoring him he started poking my shoulder repeatedly. Kind of like a little kid would do to get moms attention. Well I asked him over and over again to stop and he wouldn't. So I extended my arm and hit him in the chest. Not hard at all. But that was all it took and he punched me as hard as he could in the arm and it shook me. I couldn't believe it. But of course he said well you put your hands on me first! Ugh

[JayApril]

Yes he was/is extremely emotionally abusive to me and he punched me in the arm a couple of times.  Of course, he says it was in reaction to me.  One time he was being so nasty to me I threw a lighter at him while I was SITTING on the couch and he felt justified to come over and hit me. 

I had an experience like that as well. Where my ex was speaking to me in a nasty way. I got up and tossed a pillow at him, and he thought it was okay to hit me because, "I put my hands on him". Mind you I was pregnant. Why do they provoke people, and justify their actions just to scream victim? I am glad you are seeing better days. I know that was tough and bleeping embarassing to get over.

Omg Jayapril! That is terrible! So sorry you had to experience that... .especially pregnant! That is awful! Yes they do love to intentially push you to the point of reacting so they can feel justified. Its disgusting. In what world is it OK in a mans mind to raise their hands to a woman because something was thrown? Like a pillow? I mean really. That is what mine always said to. You put your hands on me first. The first time it happened was last fourth of July. We were having a fight and I was trying to stay quiet and leave him alone and because I was ignoring him he started poking my shoulder repeatedly. Kind of like a little kid would do to get moms attention. Well I asked him over and over again to stop and he wouldn't. So I extended my arm and hit him in the chest. Not hard at all. But that was all it took and he punched me as hard as he could in the arm and it shook me. I couldn't believe it. But of course he said well you put your hands on me first! Ugh

It is horrible. I am a not one to get scared but, that experience got to me. It happened just that once and I knew then that I had to get out before I killed him or he killed me. I think that is the part of the problem is that he provoked me just to use as a punching bag for his pych problems.