OK I joined this forum a while ago, on my self diagnosis of being BPD. This refers to a very intense BPD fling I had in october and november while I was traveling. Was very intense. The reason I left cause she kissed a male friend in front of me and thought it normal. Maybe I exhibit some codependent/BPD traits but Ive come to the conclusion- it wasnt me, it was her. Thank god I maintained that she wasn't my GF. I would have been screwed for life!
She is clearly a BPD waif. Im actually grateful it was only a few weeks and that she did kiss that dude... .I could have been stuck there for a while. I never mentioned this kiss was the reason. Some of her traits:
She always needs a guy/relationship
Mood swings
Cant sleep alone or in own room
Childlike sweetness
Very shy
Terrible Emptiness
Words dont match actions
Has horrible boundaries- thinks its OK to be in touch with guys shes slept with, kiss random guys while in a relationship.
Fears abandonment
Appears fragile/needy/very sweet
Fast intense relationships which are effectively superficial
People pleasing tendencies
Cant see own shortcomings- cries when she does wrong cant handle it like an adult
Keeps in touch with all exes
Lie after Lie after Lie
Hardly any female friends
Controlled but terrible jealousy (especially of her sister)
Lines up guys before ending relationship
Appears to do no wrong
Uses sex to entrap
All relationships begin as sex first
Seems like any guy will do, doesnt matter who
Very promiscuous
We parted amicably and kept in contact and she flew over in december. I will say my biggest sin was this... .I was no longer interested but only met up with her cause I wanted sex. Though it was a good weekend. She wanted to talk about us... .but it was clear to me she thought sleeping with /kissing anyone was still appropriate as well as keeping in touch with her ex BFs- if there was a relationship.
The hard part is she dragged me back in... .kept saying random things after we parted/seeking validation. Yes I accept this is also my fault for not discussing anything. The relationship actually does not bother me one bit... .it was the sex while we were still talking etc. Once she was ready to let go... .she dropped the bomb that she'd been seeing this dude for 2 months and it was now a relationship. As I say im kinda of relieved at this time- if she hadnt said this then god knows what I would have been like. Im also relieved that
Im still suffering while she is doing fine, moved on to another guy. I somewhat pity her guy, he's made her his FB photo. The funny part is Ive learned she seemed to know everything about me... .everything when we skyped 14 days ago seeking answers- she seemed to believe her own lies and was seeking validation/triangulation (
she wanted me to say I want her back) and every time I mentioned my fake girlfriend her face dropped.
Ive cut contact as I say... .deleted her off FB, doing affirmations, TRE exercises, practicing forgiveness and actually gratefulness has been the biggest key etc. She monitored everything and kept me around for validation until she was sure it could work with the next guy. With her traits it wont I know. Soon on to the next guy and then the next, its been the story of her life- she doesnt see what she is doing wrong, always will justify everything to herself.
The thing is I just never saw it coming at all. I played this completely and utterly wrong I know this. Was too nice, didnt see it coming at all, cared what she thought. Im not experienced in relationships. My anger has now subsided somewhat I will say. Nor do I want revenge. Yes it has left me scarred I believe- really used to love women, but sort of been put off them. Im scared of pain
.
Anyway how do I speed up the recovery further? Can somebody point me in the right direction? Any views appreciated on this also?
Im grateful in someways that I only invested a few weeks/months and limited finances. I also got something out of it... .which she could have got alot easier at the time- sex. Its true that BPD waifs seem to strike when your on a low on that trip Id hit a low. I actually am grateful Im out.
