How long did it take you to go back to 'normal' after your relationship?

[bungenstein]

I am one year and a half out and I can confidently say I am over it, however I have changed in numerous ways, so even though I am back to 'normal', I'm not.

At first I thought it had affected me in a profoundly negative manner however now I've seen it was a necessary growing period, and through the trauma I've emerged a much stronger version of myself. In the process I actually outgrew a lot of my friends, and the difference was incredibly apparent.

I heard through the grapevine that my replacement broke up with my ex, she then recycled him and trapped him by getting pregnant, now the poor sod has her in his life for life, even though they aren't together anymore, and the poor child is going to grow up extremely messed up having her as a mother. I just think how it could have so easily been me in that position, I am so so lucky to have got away.

[confusedinWI]

What is "normal" after this type of relationship?

I've realized I am codependent and I'm working on becoming strong so I don't ever go back to this type of relationship.

I still hurt three months post break up while she's having the time of her life. Only thing is I know how her new relationship will end, I've seen the craziness.

Normal... .I don't want normal... .I want healthy relationship with a woman that will give back to me, not just take take take.

[bungenstein]

I'm not entirely sure what you mean, I mean how long did it take you to go back to feeling healthy?

What it did for me, having previously felt like I had PTSD and anxiety from the relationship, after working through the trauma, it fueled a growth spurt in me and over a short period of time I matured tremendously, in the process I outgrew a lot of my friends and saw them in a different light, I became very aware of people. It's set me on a path of self improvement, and self discovery, I feel like its unleashed a drive and potential in me that wasn't there before. After having experienced the direct opposite of that, directly after the ending of the relationship, its amazing how different I feel now. And in contrast to look at the position my replacement is in, I thank the stars that's not me.

[Mutt]

Hi bungenstein,

I think there many things that you can take into account such as how long was the relationship; attachment style; circumstances;  everyone is different and has their own healing path. I can relate when you say PTSD and trauma and I think it took me a good year and a half to feel better.

I also had a custody battle and it was tremendous stress and I felt hyper-vigilant. I think I started feeling better after the court hangover was over.

I like you feel like a stronger version of myself and there was a huge learning curve in a short period of time I think if I look at the bigger. I also see now the importance of self care and to be mentally healthy for me and my kids. I wasn't taking care of myself and I was taking care of her needs and trying to fix things at the expense of my psychological and emotional well-being.

I'm happy to hear that you're feeling better 

[goateeki]

Thirteen months out and boy do I feel good.  June 11 divorce judgment becomes final.  View the whole thing as a sad mistake.  A relationship with a normal, healthy person feels like heaven. So, so easy.   

[valet]

What is "normal" after this type of relationship?

Great point here.

I think that it can be applied to any post-relationship scenario, but after one with a pwBPD it is totally stretched to an extreme.

If my new normal is having a much keener sense of what I want, then I welcome it fully.

There is no shame in knowledge and understanding, you just have to get used to it. It will become your new normal.

[Recooperating]

8 months out now and I am not "back to normal" because the standard "normal" didnt apply to me before the rs. A "normal" person would not have dealt with the BS I chose to deal with. I think I am becoming a better person now, letting go of the codep traits and being mire selfaware then I used to be before. I think the worst part is behind me and although I am not there yet, I am well on my way.

I feel like a different person after this experience. Maybe I had to break down and shatter into a million pieces to be able to take a look at every little piece of me and see if it still fit the new me I was creating. although I wish I left sooner like at the first red flags and wish I had never gone through this BS, I am glad and gratefull that I did. The deeper the foundation, the higher you can built.