First I want to say thank you to everyone on this board! I have been learking for a few weeks now, afraid to tell me story. I have learned so many things from this board just wish I would've learned a lot of things much earlier on. I've realized that I'm co-dependent and a lot of that stems from childhood! My mother was a single parent, I'm the oldest of two I pretty much raised my sister and myself. My mother worked full time and school, so no real childhood have always taken care of someone.
So a year ago I meet my xuBPDbf everything seemed to good to be true,
well it was! He was perfect treated me like a queen always wanted to be with me spend time with me it was amazing. I felt like I met my soul mate. We spent so much time together, when we were not working we were together I loved it, which now I know is not such a good thing. He told me he loved me within 2 weeks huge red flag but I ignored it smh. He was everything I was looking for seemed to have all his ducks in a row and a good head on his shoulder. I was so happy and everyone around me could see how happy I was, it had been 5 years for me after a divorce. I had dated a few people In between there but nothing serious.
Well fast forward about 4 months I found out that he just ended a 9 yr relationship a few months before we met, he was still in contact with that ex she had already moved on they were just friends. Now looking back he was keeping her there just in case and a few others he was talking to before me. He stated he was over her an loved me an wanted to be with me, I was a little nervous but at this point my feelings for him were very deep. I than started learning of his childhood he grew up in a boarding school, he has a lot of abandonment issues fr that. His parents were very abusive and pushed perfection of him and his siblings. I also learned that he was a functioning alcoholic I mean going to work drunk an drinking eveyday. I never knew he drank eveyday until one day we spent the night an while next day together he was so different, was very quiet not the usual outgoing silly self. Well it was the alcoholic I feel in love with,sad. Than start leaned of is past relationship that she was a drinker an they were both verbally an physically abusive to each other. I had never seen that side of him.
So about 6 months in he started acting weird an distant an not wanting to be together right now but doesn't want me to leave him, push/pull. Come to find out he was talking to a coworker, So we break up for about a month. We still talked an seen each other almost everyday, I should've walked I was just so confused at that point. What happened to the man I met the one that loved me and wanted to marry me. So on his birthday I bring him out to dinner he tells me he wants to get back together an make things work. Looking back I'm so mad at myself for going thru this all again with him. A few weeks after we are back together I find out he's still talking to his coworker I gave him an ultimatum if he continues talking to her we are done, to my knowledge at that point he did. A few weeks later he gets fired for being drunk at work. He was devastated I was there for him as much as possible. A few weeks later I moved in with him an his dad, his dad lived with him. We were doing better an he seemed so humble an wanting to change an make things work with us. Once I moved in all hell broke lose. He started becoming verbally abusive throwing things spitting on me, it was horrible. Anytime we got in an argument he wanted me out as soon as I'd start packing he didn't want me to leave. It got bad at one point he threw all my things outside an threw a bottle at my head. I had to call the cops an pick up all my clothes from outside, mind you I live in mm it was snowing he pored water all over my things. An what did I do go back the same damn night smh.
After those few episodes he really changed I mean really if we argued we sat down an talked about them. No more cussing or yelling it was diff. Than like 2 months after that mind you he had been working for awhile found a new job. Things were good but he seemed diff. He's always had mood swings an always took them out on me. He would apologize later but it hurt emotionally to go thru that. I was always told I wasn't enough or he was trying to mold me into the girl he wanted. But than would tell me I'm everything he wanted and loved me so much. He never liked my friends I cut everyone out of my life, I will never do that again for nobody.
Well March 24 I get a message from someone I graduated with he had messaged her on a dating site. I brought this to his attention and of course he denied the whole thing. Finally admitted that he was on there. Tried talking to him about it all he says is I don't know why I keep hurting you I love you. But he's still very distant. March 27 he was very very distant I tried talking to him an asking him to come to bed, we get Ina huge argument words were said an than tells me I need to leave. At this point it's all the same that it has been for the last year so I figured just another episode. He went to work the next day still saying someone has to go. I cut everyone out of my life I had knowwhere to go. He stated we would stay at a friends house. He didn't come home for 2 days and no communication. When he comes home grabs cloths an says friends house is closer to work and needs time for himself. I asked him if we were over he keep saying not over but not now. He comes home on April 1 we were intimate the next day says we should be intimate until we fix us. I tell him I'm going too be out he freaks out an tells me he doesn't want me to leave but doesn't want to work on us. Still very low communication unless he's at work. I had had enough I realized I can't keep going they this and need to realize my worth so on April 6 I moved out. I didn't tell him just packed and left while he was at work. When he found out I left he was crying and apologizing and he loved me he just wants to work on him at this point. But he doesn't want to lose me. It was such an emotional roller coaster, I couldn't eat sleep work anything. I lost a ton weight I looked horrible.
Now the big part April 12 I get a text from an unknown number saying lose my boyfriends number. We had met up on the 11 he was still saying how much he loved me was hugging and touching me but he wanted to work on him. So I was giving him that trying to believe him. I called his phone when I got that text a girl answers ( my heart dropped) she says they've been dating since March 27. Omg my whole world feel apart well it felt like it anyways. I was going they so many emotions I didn't know what to do or say. I did the worst thing possible and told the girl everything I mean everything. She kept texting me asking questions and I forwarded her a bunch of texts I guess proving I was in his life at one point. He denied me to her the whole time. I'm so mad still until this day I did that, I should've just said good luck leave me out of it. So the day they met they were in a relationship (she tried adding me on fb) on March 27, he met her whole family and her 3 kids within a week. She's telling me he treats her like gold and prays with her (he's not religious his family is) and she thinks I'm the crazy one now.
I've never been so bury in my life. Go from loving me to another woman while we're still together. Most days are ok for me now but I still get mad and very sad were I just want to talk to him. But he won't because he will lose his new girlfriend. I know talking to him will do nothing but hurt me more. I just don't understand how someone could just treat someone like that. He made it very clear to me that's she's better than me. She has her own home nice car and a career. It seems like he'd rather be with someone who has it all than build with someone to have ours. I'll be honest I miss him ok maybe not him but the way he made me feel. Now I'm trying my hardest to concentrate on me and make me happy. Im afraid that everything he learned from us he's brining that to her and they will work out and be happy, that's supposed to be me not her. I know that sounds ridiculous but he was supposed to be my husband we were supposed to have kids together. Him nor I have any children and she has 3 and not having anymore. He has not tried contacting me at all which is nice and sad all in one.
Again I'm sorry this is so long I just had to write it all out and talk everyone here as we are going thru the same things. Please any advice or words or encouragement are welcome, my friends and family do not understand and my T just keeps telling me I dodged a bullet he'll never be happy, I don't agree. He seems very happy where he is without me.
