Lingering pain

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

When will it ever go away? If I told you that I cry every night, I'd be lying for effect. I do not. But tonight I shed more tears than ever before. For whatever reason, tonight I was able to just let it out more so than before. I started to type down my thoughts:

I love you so much. I do not know when this will stop. Or when the pain will go away. I just wish i could just wipe you from my mind. I wish it would all go away. I wish that i could go back and save things. The fear of the unknown is killing me, every night. I tried so hard. I tried with every fiber of my being. I just don't know what it is that you are searching for. What it is that you want. I am only reece. I can be no one else but reece. I cannot be john smith, or adam, or anyone else. I can only be reece. I can only be this person that God made me. I can't choose to be someone I am not. Even if I could, I don't know what it is that you want.

I figured by now the pain would be gone. Maybe I would have even met someone else. But i don't want anyone else. I haven't heard from my ex since Feb. 6th and i have no reason to believe she'll ever speak to me again.

The silence kills me.

I just want the pain to go away. I just want this to be over with. I feel like I have no control over this, I have no control over how long my heart will ache for her.

I wish I could hear her voice one more time. I wish I could let it all out. I wish that it didn't have to be this way. I didn't and do not want it this way.

I wish that she cared.

[Reecer1588]

When will it ever go away? If I told you that I cry every night, I'd be lying for effect. I do not. But tonight I shed more tears than ever before. For whatever reason, tonight I was able to just let it out more so than before. I started to type down my thoughts:

I love you so much. I do not know when this will stop. Or when the pain will go away. I just wish i could just wipe you from my mind. I wish it would all go away. I wish that i could go back and save things. The fear of the unknown is killing me, every night. I tried so hard. I tried with every fiber of my being. I just don't know what it is that you are searching for. What it is that you want. I am only reece. I can be no one else but reece. I cannot be john smith, or adam, or anyone else. I can only be reece. I can only be this person that God made me. I can't choose to be someone I am not. Even if I could, I don't know what it is that you want.

I figured by now the pain would be gone. Maybe I would have even met someone else. But i don't want anyone else. I haven't heard from my ex since Feb. 6th and i have no reason to believe she'll ever speak to me again.

The silence kills me.

I just want the pain to go away. I just want this to be over with. I feel like I have no control over this, I have no control over how long my heart will ache for her.

I wish I could hear her voice one more time. I wish I could let it all out. I wish that it didn't have to be this way. I didn't and do not want it this way.

I wish that she cared.

[ZeusRLX]

I've been where you are. Took me years.

The pain is deep and I feel it through your post. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

And I know it's not easy to let things go. Do you have a good support group, family/friends who you can talk to and share things during this time?

Just remember you are not alone. We have gone/are going through similar things and I hope you have family/friends there (and maybe a therapist) who will help you heal.

Just remember, everything passes. This will pass also and new things will come about. You will feel better. You will feel happy. Everything will be okay.

I know because I went through what you're going through right now. Hang in there.

[Reecer1588]

Thank you for your support. Thank you so much for caring and understanding

[Glutton4punishment]

Hey Reecer,

I try to silently lurk, but occasionally I post. All of your posts have resonated with me, for months. I am eleven months out and still hurt as much as the day we split. I realize that doesn't sound encouraging. I'm not a smooth talker. I will tell you that you feel deeply and this is an asset. I'm trying to believe the same in myself. I truthfully believe that the level of hurt that you feel in bad moments is as high as the level of happiness that you feel in the good moments. The challenge before you now is to start with the good moments. You have to cultivate them. They don't happen on their own. You have to make them happen. Get busy.