Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
September 28, 2024, 08:32:53 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Wife has BPD. I NEED HELP
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Wife has BPD. I NEED HELP (Read 531 times)
Links
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Posts: 6
Wife has BPD. I NEED HELP
«
on:
June 07, 2015, 01:34:45 AM »
My wife and I were acquaintances in or teens. We are from a small town... .
That was 20+ years ago. We were never friends just knew who each other were. There's a four year age difference. not much now but was back then. IDK that's just some background.
LONG story short is we've been married a couple years. She has BPD and either honestly doesn't know or just wont admit it. I truly think she doesn't know she has it.
AND THE SHORTER STORY IS I'M ABOUT TO GO BAT-oops CRAZY FROM IT AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I NEED HELP WITH HOW TO HELP HER. maybe some answers about the disorder itself
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
enlighten me
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3289
Re: Wife has BPD. I NEED HELP
«
Reply #1 on:
June 07, 2015, 02:11:08 AM »
Hi links
theres a very good possibility that she doesnt know anything is wrong. That sad she probably has moments where she feels something isnt right. A lot of people with BPD are in denial about their behaviour and feel that its everyone else at fault.
There are lots of tools here for communicating better with pwBPD. There is also a wealth of knowledge about the dissorder and behaviours. I think the most important thing though is there are so many here that have been through or are going through what you are so you know your not alone and arent the crazy one which it can sometimes feel like.
Logged
Links
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Posts: 6
Re: Wife has BPD. I NEED HELP
«
Reply #2 on:
June 07, 2015, 02:26:21 AM »
I absolutely feel like Im losing my mind a lot of the time. I feel guilty about things I didn't even do.
My big question is how do I show her that she needs help.
How can I show her that I'm not the enemy and am devoted to her.
She gambles a lot. I let her lie about things w/out calling her on it because I thought she'd snap out of it and have less guilt that way (That was before I even heard of BPD) now those lies are our life basically. I think she whole heartedly believes herself. that's her reality now
IDK. I guess my big question is not one big one after all.
Im Lost!
Logged
enlighten me
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3289
Re: Wife has BPD. I NEED HELP
«
Reply #3 on:
June 07, 2015, 02:44:00 AM »
It is a minefield. Im not the best to give advice on relationships as I two failed uBPD relationships. I wasnt aware of BPD at the time so didnt have a clue what was going on.
One thimg that isnt recomended though is to come straight out and say you think they have BPD.
There are a lot of experienced people here on the staying boards that can help navigate the minefield.
Im sure as you read some of the posts you will be amazed at the similarities. Its one of the things that helped me realise I wasnt going mad but rather being driven that way.
Logged
Links
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Posts: 6
Re: I NEED HELP how to... I dont even know.
«
Reply #4 on:
June 07, 2015, 03:26:01 AM »
The thing is I see a professional. Ive had a problem with a substance abuse for many years. Been clean several years now. I see a Dr. to get the stuff off my chest, try to catch anything before its a problem. I had read and searched and read some more still hadn't heard of BPD. One session Doc says "Stop Links. I know what is going on" Doc has helped me through a lot, Ive read quite a bit, but I need first hand knowledge. I don't know else to do/say other than what I know. I consider it a fact at this point.
I want to help her. I want my wife and partner. I don't want to divorce her, but if I don't make some type of breakthrough quickly I will have to divorce her strictly to protect myself financially. Shes blown all the savings. all the credit. all the money she made for the last year, one way or another got a hold of a substantial amount of the money I made last year. Im not losing the house.
I isn't a gambling problem though (Well it is but... .) Its a BPD problem. I need help with it. Because I don't want to flush whats left down the toilet.
I love actually that's not a strong enough word for how I feel towards my step kids. I adore them. I would do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING for those kids. anything right now is trying to figure out how to get through to my wife.
is it even possible? I have devoted myself to her and Ive gone to unbelievable lengths attempting to do so. I didn't know it was BPD I was dealing with until somewhat recently though. I was pounding my head against the wall trying to rationalize with an irrational person. I need help to figure out how I might approach her and get her to see the truth of all that's going on. not to assign blame, to get things moving in a different direction. ANY direction! as long as It stops spiraling uncontrollably downward.
Logged
waverider
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7407
If YOU don't change, things will stay the same
Re: Wife has BPD. I NEED HELP
«
Reply #5 on:
June 07, 2015, 08:03:15 AM »
Links
BPD is very confusing and you will need to revise the way you think about things and respond in order to make any progress. There is a lot of info, but you have to work through it in a structured way, ie first things first. To help you do this please work you way slowly through the following Link
Lessons
Waverider
Logged
Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
married21years
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 609
Re: Wife has BPD. I NEED HELP
«
Reply #6 on:
June 08, 2015, 02:35:18 AM »
hi
one of the books that helped me
loving someone with BPD, very good in my opinion.
walking on egg shells also good i hear.
GL and we are here for you
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Wife has BPD. I NEED HELP
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...