Other exes

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My dreaming of my ex has taken a hiatus for which im very thankful but has been replaced with thinking and dreaming of my other exes! This is actually feeling quite helpful as ive recently had a validation from one ex and another has come back into my life unexpectedly. Both these women are far kinder and in one case, more attractive, than my ex so it's proving a really nice distraction. Also for the first time ever, splitting with my ex seems to have made this possible, I look back on them both really fondly and my interactions with them are kinder and more respectful.

I have spent a little bit of time looking at those relationships to understand where they went wrong, they are not BPD, but like all people they plus me have some issues and it's felt far more healthy than obsessing on the i fixable and likely pattern never repeatable of my ex. It's like the feeling you get when you solve and conquer a worthy problem or hone an important skills vs the irritation you feel of being stuck on a problem you've been trying to solve for ages but you know will have no value in the future (like algebra), obv my recovery is worthy, but my exBPD, time spent thinking on her as a person is wasted time.

Is anyone else looking back at their prior relationships with a new angle?

[Trog]

My dreaming of my ex has taken a hiatus for which im very thankful but has been replaced with thinking and dreaming of my other exes! This is actually feeling quite helpful as ive recently had a validation from one ex and another has come back into my life unexpectedly. Both these women are far kinder and in one case, more attractive, than my ex so it's proving a really nice distraction. Also for the first time ever, splitting with my ex seems to have made this possible, I look back on them both really fondly and my interactions with them are kinder and more respectful.

I have spent a little bit of time looking at those relationships to understand where they went wrong, they are not BPD, but like all people they plus me have some issues and it's felt far more healthy than obsessing on the i fixable and likely pattern never repeatable of my ex. It's like the feeling you get when you solve and conquer a worthy problem or hone an important skills vs the irritation you feel of being stuck on a problem you've been trying to solve for ages but you know will have no value in the future (like algebra), obv my recovery is worthy, but my exBPD, time spent thinking on her as a person is wasted time.

Is anyone else looking back at their prior relationships with a new angle?