hi Independentme and
first, i'm terribly sorry for the pain your in now. many of the behavior patterns you describe are typical of BPD, as I know because i saw some of them in my own marriage. here there is a community of posters who have seen BPD from every angle and will understand the frustrations involved.
it sounds from your OP as though you would like to remain in your relationship, though this is getting harder. we have a board dedicated to those in your place. there are specific tools (communication, validation, boundaries, timeout) that everyone in a relationship with a person suffering from borderline personality disorder can develop. people with this disorder tend to perceive the world differently than you and I, but there is an order and the rationale within that perception. the members at
[L5] Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner are very good at helping apply these principles to everyday life problems. The educational material on the right hand side of that page is based on the work from leading experts in the disorder. we also have a wealth of resources: one reading about co-dependency is
https://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationshipsIndependent me, do you have a support system for yourself, a counselor or friends who see what's up? please have a look those links and consider posting your story at the Staying board. welcome again!