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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: Reality X Irrational beliefs: how we can balance ourselves between both?  (Read 386 times)
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 59

« on: June 16, 2015, 11:38:49 AM »

I would like to know how you people use to manage the situation when the BPD partner can't realize what is reality and what is a bizarre idea.

Some weeks ago, I was drinking with a friend. My BPD bf was sleeping and suddenly he awoke asking me where I was: I told him I was drinking with my friend, and so he asked to talk to him to confirm I was telling the truth. So I passed the phone to my friend. After, my BF said he had a nightmare I was cheating him and ten he wanted to confirm if the nightmare was true.

Yesterday, we had a small discussion because I felt jealous of girl he took pictures; we talked normally and in the end he said it was something in my mind and I said maybe he's right and to forget that. Before leaving work, I messaged him to say I did not want to discuss and it was ok for me, we could talk later. I left work about 18:00 hs.

I arrived at home and started to do some stuff, let my phone inside my purse. I took it about 20?30 hs and I saw some messages from him, sent about 19:30, with some videos he sent me of a pub he was. I answered the messages asking about the music that was paying in the pub, but it was too late: he started to insult me (b**tch, lier and worse) and to say it was CLEAR I have created a small discussion earlier because I wanted to go out, drink and make 'something worse'; I replied telling he was exaggerating and overreacting, that I was at home and if I wanted to go out, I could message him as I always do. Useless, he had already created the bizarre movie in his head. And AS ALWAYS, instead of asking as any noral person, he came with irrational manners, insults and telling me to 'shut up, ___ing b**itch,' arguing that I took 3 hours to answer. I sent him a screen shot to make him realize I took one hour and twelve minutes, but he simply ignored and started to say things without any link with the current discussion, telling I dye my hair to have man attention and other bizarre bull**it I even havent listened. So they did as always: blocked me everywhere to have the control of everything.

We live in different countries  and I bought my ticktes to visit him next month. By my experience, he only became normal when he realize I start to really think about giving up of our reationship - since in the beggining of the problems, it was always me to apologize, to send mails, to forgive.

So, I waited until today to send him a mail. I'll reproduce here the end. I woud ike your opinion... .

"But if despite this you prefer to think I'm a witch, b***ch, lier and a lot of s***it in some garbage, and foccuse sh**t only to confirm your impulsive impression/thinking as they were reality, it's beyond my control (and you should think more about this thing I always tells you, that you confound impressions with the reality, and you do this so strongly you could distrust me because a nightmare, putting my friend in a bizarre situation... you think is healthy to think a nightmare is something true? ).

Anyway, in this case, if you are really engaged in putting everything in a garbage based in such stupid and no-value situation, it will be my last effort and the only thing to do will be cancel my ticket and never let you hear about me in your life. The moment I cancel it will be the end of the line, and all our plans and things we wanted to do together will disappear forever as well, as I will. So, it's up to you to stop and think or to choose let this bizarre and irrational hate you have inside you dominate all your heart, mind and make you totally blind for the reality and spoil all the happiness we had and we can have together."
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