Now I am in her shoes

[NonBPDEx]

It is funny. I realized that what my exBPDgf went through in the relationship, is now what I am going through.

If we were together, things were great. It was only once we were apart for even a short period of time that she would break down.

She would spend a week at my place, and it would be like heaven. She would go back to her place and I would wake up the next morning to disturbing messages. She would sit at home, get drunk, and message me that I did not care, and subtly threaten to kill herself. She was in agony over our separation.

I told her that we were opposite. That the longer we were apart, that the more I missed her. She said it was the other way around for her.

She was forever tormented that I did not love her as much as she loved me because I was not missing her enough, and she would hit the bottle and be awake all night and then we would fight.

Eventually I ended it. She is with her new guy now. She is in AA and been sober.

She told me a few times "you will miss me when I am gone". And here I am now. I have not hit the bottle, but I have hit the bottom pretty hard.

I told her the longer we are apart, the more I would miss her. And so now I am the one awake at 4 am, thinking about, and in agony over missing her... .

[Mutt]

I can understand thinking about our exes and losing sleep when we're in agony. I am sorry to hear that.

I understand how hard that is when we hit our rock bottom - that's tough. And sometimes there's no way but up.


Hang in there.


----Mutt

[NonBPDEx]

She is with her new guy and I don't think I am on her radar anymore. As far as she is concerned I gave her up.

We have been n/c for a month.

The only time she felt secure was when she felt that I was missing her as much as she missed me.

I so wish I could send her what I wrote above.