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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: A year of hell  (Read 231 times)
Indyan
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated for 15 months, court 4 months ago
Posts: 812


« on: July 05, 2015, 01:46:21 PM »

Hi 

Long time no see and the news is not good... .

Next week I'll "celebrate" the 1st anniversary of chaos and hell.

One year ago he was getting totally paranoid, claiming I was gonna run away with 6 month-old baby, kicking the kids and me out of the house and going to the psych ER for the evening (I learnt later I should have been there to sign him in). He mentioned getting hospitalized but his family showed up and took him away, saying it was "all my fault" if he was in such a state. After a summer of depression he started getting more and more hostile towards me and 6 months of HELL followed.

He did EVERYTHING he could find to destroy me. Financially first, by doing everything he could to leave me with no house and no money (sending notice to the landlord, writing to benefits claiming I was cheating). I had stopped working freelance, finished all my contracts and wasn't entitled to unemployment benefit. I had NO money. When I told him how hard it was he "suggested" to leave my D10 to her dad and to give him our S1! When I mentioned having no money even for food, he sent registered letters to demand that I pay him back the fridge and washing machine... . 

Then, he started with the mad accusations. I was called to the police for "attacking him with a weapon" (my car) - and he showed "evidence'" of injuries from the ER - , then for "trespassing his home" (I made one step into his studio flat in january in an attempt to discuss things), then for "sequestration"... .and now he's starting to say that I'm a child beater and a lunatic.

He freaks me out.

I had to file a complaint for harrasment in March. Constant texts, mails, registered letters... .I ended up having to go NC... .which drove him totally nuts. He decided to send mails every two days and to copy them to our lawyers.

After 2 months of this scenario, my lawyer ended up at last telling me "this is crazy".

We're seeing the judge on 1st of September and I'm torn with anguish.

My L will ask for a psychological evaluation for the first time in his life (and he's very experienced). Luckily he knows the judge very well and told me that "she trusts what he asks for", while BPD's L is from another region.

Ah, and I forgot to say: someone shot my family house which is 700 miles away. It used to be my grandma's house, and I got to know BPD there, when we were kids. He also has a holiday home there, that faces mine.

I got a shattering call 2 months ago from the police telling me "someone shot 7 bullets into your bedroom from the roof opposite".

These are small village houses were roofs adjoin each other, and his house is just a couple of roofs away.

The police are investigating... .but there is no witness, no proof.

All my family and my D10's dad are scared to death, but BPD isn't. He just says I'm a lunatic because I told him I'm scared.

I feel destroyed and broken inside. I've survived a plane crash but I feel no relief, just pain and fear. I'm traumatised.

It's been a year of hell.

Good to know you understand. Thanks for reading. 

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