10,000 email messages

[DyingLove]

Sorry, I'm not trying to be misleading with this post.  But she had 10,000 email messages in her Yahoo account, and she was kinda proud of it.  She also had much difficulty deleting any of the unnecessary emails.  She also thought, because I had numerous email addresses that I was dishonest and/or underhanded.  I explained that having different accounts for different needs is NOT out of the ordinary.  I know she had stumbled up emails or correspondences from her ex#2 with other women.

Not one single solitary time EVER in our time together was I ever dishonest, underhanded, I NEVER messed around or flirted with another woman, and I was ALWAYS proud of my ex no matter where we went and no matter how she looked!  PERIOD.  And still, they cannot see what they had in their life.  Not having too bad a day today, but still suffering the "confusion" element.

Is there any correlation between the indecisiveness regarding the email issue above and BPD?

(felt I needed to add the other info in because I know she had a trust issue)

[rotiroti]

This is an interesting topic, I feel like this sort of "un-organization" spilled into other aspects of life. Her house was always a huge mess, bills were unpaid, parking tickets were always overdue, and same with her e-mail.

This just came to me, she always says she has situational amnesia () when it comes to her late teens and early 20's. She was recently maid of honor at her best-friend's wedding and she read through all of their letters from 2003 to help her write  the speech. It's interesting, she did the same with me during my idealization phase. She would forward me an email I had written 10 years ago and talk about how innocent and sweet we were.

Perhaps it's the object constancy issue at play. She also had trophies and memorabilia from previous relationships littered around the house. I didn't mind them much at the time because heck everyone has a history right? I would find post-cards from ex-lovers, sea shells, jewelry etc. They need something to help them remember i guess

Lastly, she was always suspicious of my e-mails too. Would always ask who i'm talking to, what I'm looking at, etc

[Mutt]

Hi DyingLove,

I can understand how uncomfortable that would make someone feel when you're moral and values are questioned with assumptions.

You're a top notch guy and you weren't her ex #2. I'm sorry if she brought that up.

Did you know ex #2 or was it her telling you about him?

My ex was jealous and accusatory of female friends and suspected that I would cheat. She feels low self worth, insecure about herself and fears abandonment perceived or real. She expects that loved ones will eventually abandon her. She cheated and dissociates and projects her bad behaviors because she feels shame and guilt.

I know my truth and I can read in your post that you know yours right?

Don't let others criticisms or judgement define you for who you are. I'm sure someone will appreciate your morals and values and who you are.

[UserName69]

And still, they cannot see what they had in their life.

That's true. It's the same with my exBPD and sometimes I really think they just love all the negativity in their life. Whenever they have something positive they'll turn it in something negative.

Mine cheated on me a couple times, she even had the balls to tell it to me straight in the face. When I told her that she shouldn't be surprised if I leave her she started to cry and told me that she's very insecure, VERY jealous, has low self esteem, doesn't have friends and she gets things done by using sex as a tool.

She was even proud that she had 1200+ friends on Facebooks, the majority of them are only perverts.

I was ALWAYS proud of my ex no matter where we went and no matter how she looked!

I can relate to that, I even blamed all the BU's on me and said that it was my fault. When I knew about BPD I felt just so manipulated and angry because I knew everything she had told me was a lie.

Is there any correlation between the indecisiveness regarding the email issue above and BPD?

Mine wanted to have cam sex with me, I refused because that's just a NO for me. I knew she was chatting with "friends" on FB, once she told me that she was cyber sexing with a "friend" of her. I asked why she did it, she said well he is lonely and he doesn't have a woman and you didn't want to do it with me. From that moment I asked myself what the hell am I still doing with her? I lost all respect for her and I started to dislike her, when I look back I can't believe I used to be with her.

Even when some random guy added her on FB she used to talk with them for hours like she knew them for a long period. Once she invited a guy she met on FB to her place, he almost raped her. Even after this she still kept him as a friend on FB. She told me about it and I asked her why she invited a stranger to her house, she told me that she wanted to be independent, she doesn't need me for sex because she wanted to believe that she can f*cks everyone she wants. Explains the 14 BU's in 6 months 

So to answer your question: I think it's a yes

[DyingLove]

Hi DyingLove,

I can understand how uncomfortable that would make someone feel when you're moral and values are questioned with assumptions.

You're a top notch guy and you weren't her ex #2. I'm sorry if she brought that up.

Did you know ex #2 or was it her telling you about him?

My ex was jealous and accusatory of female friends and suspected that I would cheat. She feels low self worth, insecure about herself and fears abandonment perceived or real. She expects that loved ones will eventually abandon her. She cheated and dissociates and projects her bad behaviors because she feels shame and guilt.

I know my truth and I can read in your post that you know yours right?

Don't let others criticisms or judgement define you for who you are. I'm sure someone will appreciate your morals and values and who you are.

Ex #2 was as horrible a person as they get.  He was in jail for 10 years prior to being with my ex.  He NEVER divulged this information.  She found out when she filled for divorce.  She wondered why there were no pictures of him in his earlier days.  My guestimate, and I'm about 97% sure, he used her to have a baby.  He baited her and she fell for it.  He drank and became abusive and controlling. My guess was that she was stupid and naive growing up.  (lets say somewhat).  The things she obviously accepted versus the things she let go (Me) kinda prove that to a degree.  The kid, now 9 years old, was the tie between the ex and her ex.  I tried talking to him many times,,,what an irate POS.  He also divulged in 2014 that he was adhd also (or as a child), no wonder the kid is totally messed up.  The child is a timebomb.

I think what you said: 

My ex was jealous and accusatory of female friends and suspected that I would cheat. She feels low self worth, insecure about herself and fears abandonment perceived or real. She expects that loved ones will eventually abandon her.

Is true for my ex too Mutt.  Thank you for sharing your story and grief.

[DyingLove]

And still, they cannot see what they had in their life.

That's true. It's the same with my exBPD and sometimes I really think they just love all the negativity in their life. Whenever they have something positive they'll turn it in something negative.

Mine cheated on me a couple times, she even had the balls to tell it to me straight in the face. When I told her that she shouldn't be surprised if I leave her she started to cry and told me that she's very insecure, VERY jealous, has low self esteem, doesn't have friends and she gets things done by using sex as a tool.

She was even proud that she had 1200+ friends on Facebooks, the majority of them are only perverts.

I was ALWAYS proud of my ex no matter where we went and no matter how she looked!

I can relate to that, I even blamed all the BU's on me and said that it was my fault. When I knew about BPD I felt just so manipulated and angry because I knew everything she had told me was a lie.

Is there any correlation between the indecisiveness regarding the email issue above and BPD?

Mine wanted to have cam sex with me, I refused because that's just a NO for me. I knew she was chatting with "friends" on FB, once she told me that she was cyber sexing with a "friend" of her. I asked why she did it, she said well he is lonely and he doesn't have a woman and you didn't want to do it with me. From that moment I asked myself what the hell am I still doing with her? I lost all respect for her and I started to dislike her, when I look back I can't believe I used to be with her.

Even when some random guy added her on FB she used to talk with them for hours like she knew them for a long period. Once she invited a guy she met on FB to her place, he almost raped her. Even after this she still kept him as a friend on FB. She told me about it and I asked her why she invited a stranger to her house, she told me that she wanted to be independent, she doesn't need me for sex because she wanted to believe that she can f*cks everyone she wants. Explains the 14 BU's in 6 months 

So to answer your question: I think it's a yes

It all makes sense.  Your story is so much like others stories.  Each exBPD just personalizes their stories a little to fit them.  I still swear that either I really got used to it, or she still was so SMOOTH at being BPD, that I still at times think it's me.  But if I was BPD wouldn't I be like her and not admit my possible guilt or possible affliction!  I thank God, that I didn't go thru the cheating stage. To the best of my knowledge she did not cheat nor have the time to cheat if she did.  I don't even wanna entertain that thought in my fragile skull right now.  Might as well just pull the trigger versus giving me more crap to consume.  I don't know why I got resubmitted into the crazy que.  I'm just so confused right now again.

Thankyou Username69

[Mutt]

Hi DyingLove,

I can understand how uncomfortable that would make someone feel when you're moral and values are questioned with assumptions.

You're a top notch guy and you weren't her ex #2. I'm sorry if she brought that up.

Did you know ex #2 or was it her telling you about him?

My ex was jealous and accusatory of female friends and suspected that I would cheat. She feels low self worth, insecure about herself and fears abandonment perceived or real. She expects that loved ones will eventually abandon her. She cheated and dissociates and projects her bad behaviors because she feels shame and guilt.

I know my truth and I can read in your post that you know yours right?

Don't let others criticisms or judgement define you for who you are. I'm sure someone will appreciate your morals and values and who you are.

Ex #2 was as horrible a person as they get.  He was in jail for 10 years prior to being with my ex.  He NEVER divulged this information.  She found out when she filled for divorce.  She wondered why there were no pictures of him in his earlier days.  My guestimate, and I'm about 97% sure, he used her to have a baby.  He baited her and she fell for it.  He drank and became abusive and controlling. My guess was that she was stupid and naive growing up.  (lets say somewhat).  The things she obviously accepted versus the things she let go (Me) kinda prove that to a degree.  The kid, now 9 years old, was the tie between the ex and her ex.  I tried talking to him many times,,,what an irate POS.  He also divulged in 2014 that he was adhd also (or as a child), no wonder the kid is totally messed up.  The child is a timebomb.

I think what you said:  

My ex was jealous and accusatory of female friends and suspected that I would cheat. She feels low self worth, insecure about herself and fears abandonment perceived or real. She expects that loved ones will eventually abandon her.

Is true for my ex too Mutt.  Thank you for sharing your story and grief.

That sounds terrible that he was an alcoholic ex con DyingLove.

I think that there's a sadness attached to the disorder when a pwBPD have difficulties seeing someone as an integrated whole and see you as either all good or all bad and it's hard to see the person with both qualities.

I think that there may of been different reasons that my ex partner may of left me and not everything is attributed to the disorder. For example, we both grew distant and that can be an alarm bell for the end of a r/s.

What I think is heartbreaking is that she sees all way or another and how self sabotaging that is. I think that it's a terrible loss for her that she lost me.

I can see how different that you treated her than her ex con partner. You were proud of her and loved her whereas he was putting her down.

Thoughts?

[DyingLove]

Hi DyingLove,

I can understand how uncomfortable that would make someone feel when you're moral and values are questioned with assumptions.

You're a top notch guy and you weren't her ex #2. I'm sorry if she brought that up.

Did you know ex #2 or was it her telling you about him?

My ex was jealous and accusatory of female friends and suspected that I would cheat. She feels low self worth, insecure about herself and fears abandonment perceived or real. She expects that loved ones will eventually abandon her. She cheated and dissociates and projects her bad behaviors because she feels shame and guilt.

I know my truth and I can read in your post that you know yours right?

Don't let others criticisms or judgement define you for who you are. I'm sure someone will appreciate your morals and values and who you are.

Ex #2 was as horrible a person as they get.  He was in jail for 10 years prior to being with my ex.  He NEVER divulged this information.  She found out when she filled for divorce.  She wondered why there were no pictures of him in his earlier days.  My guestimate, and I'm about 97% sure, he used her to have a baby.  He baited her and she fell for it.  He drank and became abusive and controlling. My guess was that she was stupid and naive growing up.  (lets say somewhat).  The things she obviously accepted versus the things she let go (Me) kinda prove that to a degree.  The kid, now 9 years old, was the tie between the ex and her ex.  I tried talking to him many times,,,what an irate POS.  He also divulged in 2014 that he was adhd also (or as a child), no wonder the kid is totally messed up.  The child is a timebomb.

I think what you said:  

My ex was jealous and accusatory of female friends and suspected that I would cheat. She feels low self worth, insecure about herself and fears abandonment perceived or real. She expects that loved ones will eventually abandon her.

Is true for my ex too Mutt.  Thank you for sharing your story and grief.

That sounds terrible that he was an alcoholic ex con DyingLove.

I think that there's a sadness attached to the disorder when a pwBPD have difficulties seeing someone as an integrated whole and see you as either all good or all bad and it's hard to see the person with both qualities.

I think that there may of been different reasons that my ex partner may of left me and not everything is attributed to the disorder. For example, we both grew distant and that can be an alarm bell for the end of a r/s.

What I think is heartbreaking is that she sees all way or another and how self sabotaging that is. I think that it's a terrible loss for her that she lost me.

I can see how different that you treated her than her ex con partner. You were proud of her and loved her whereas he was putting her down.

Thoughts?

Mutt, on top of that,,,not only did I love her, I was IN LOVE with her.  The honeymoon phase NEVER ended for me.  I was just so damn passionate about her.  It was obvious.  I kissed her the last kiss like I kissed her the first kiss.  I AM PROUD OF THAT.  I know that I can love, a healthy love, and have incredible feelings for someone.  It was real, not something that just wore off out of novelty.

As nasty as he was to her, she never raised her voice to him or fought back or stuck up for herself.  In the beginning he called her every name in the book, you name it.  I stuck up for her firmly ALL THE TIME.   Calling all Karma's.