Talked to her after a year... it hurts

[Darkvoid]

Last saturday, at the beach, I saw her, and don't know what happened in my head, and I went to her and talked to her.

Of course started off with funny conversation, but rapidly the subject changed and the conversation went negative, talking about her last involvement.

It was very hard, feeling in her eyes, actions that she doesn't love me. She justs feels curiosity about what have been happening in my life lately. All the initial feelings triggered and back to square 1! or worst. I'm so lost, nervous all the time and waiting still for a sms from her. It will never happen... cause she doesn't feel jack. I guess I found closure.

I hope.

How can I Forget her? I tried everything!

[Mutt]

Hi Darkvoid,




I can understand how anxious that would feel running into an ex at a public place like the beach.

Do you feel like she gave you closure last weekend?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Darkvoid, Agree, those kinds of encounters with one's Ex can be extremely awkward and painful.  I wouldn't read to much into it, though.  Instead, maybe you can take it as a sign that you need to move forward with your own life?  Letting go of the past can sometimes lighten one's burden going forward, which feels good. 

LuckyJim

[Skip]

It's been 6 months after the first and only one tried recycle. It's been a long journey! Almost a year since started the devaluation. The recycle attempted was end of July, beginning of august. Since then I did everything to keep the mind occupied, doesn't do the job, did some cocaine, and now some grass, tried to the everything to fill the void... .Grass smoking is keeping me more focus, relaxed, and it's the only way that I keep my mind of the "obsession" from this crazy ass b#$"!

I guess I have to protect myself, seeing was a big big trigger. The constant ruminating started again... .BTW, the thing that makes me regret and don't understand the situation, was the words spoken and the intensity of the RS. It was all a big lie! That's kills me inside!

I think this was confusing to many of us.  When someone tells us we are the "best thing that ever happened" and then later devalue us, it is very hard to reconcile.

Was it a lie? Or is this how an impulsive person experiences life? In the moment? Feelings in the moment. It most likely wasn't a lie - she probably felt it at the time.

At the same time, in a way it was a lie as it implied forever.

A person with this disorder has moods that flow up and down so they are not very reliable in saying "forever".  

A young child isn't very reliable in promising forever, either. "If you give me that ice cream, I will keep my room clean forever!"  They mean it when then say it.  They are just not reliable - they're kids.

This won't ease the hurt - it may help you reconcile.

There is another thing you may want to reconcile.  You miss her/want her.  You also call her a crazy ass b#$".  

Do you feel both of these feelings?

Maybe it will help to talk about it more.