The usual threatening email- Your experiences with same?

[ppb2la]

I was in a r/s with my u(as far as I know)BPD/NPDbf for five months with 11 break-ups by him for frivolous things like lighting a candle in my OWN living room; having incense on in my OWN living room; not getting a Google+ map up quickly enough on my phone etc. He is in therapy and has used psychological jargon with me suggesting that HE is the mirror for other people's weaknesses etc. He twists everything around to make himself look good. As to whether he has been diagnosed or not, I do not know.

He had a bad habit of showing up unannounced at my door by waiting until someone else was coming in at the main door and getting through and then just arriving outside my condo door. The last time he did this was 6/22 when he came to me as he had been living in a hotel room as his lease was up and had just left the hotel that day. He was planning on staying the night and possibly moving in with me but ended up leaving in a tantrum as I lit a candle in my living room. He was also in a very bad mood when he came and projected all of his anger on to me.  I finally decided to confront him with an email sent that same night on his drive "home" about his NPD and BPD. It was sent in a non-threatening  way with both love and care challenging him to get the help he needed. I assumed he was totally pissed when he got it.

As many of us do, I was checking on social media and found a photo he had put up on two sites which showed him to be very thin, unshaven and sad about two plus weeks later. I reached out to him breaking N/C but when he knew it was I , he hung up. I subsequently sent him two short emails a week later. On his b/d I texted him best wishes and by email as I didn't want him not to receive any good wishes for that day. Then I noticed from something he posted a few days back that he has basically been sleeping in his truck for the past 6 weeks or so and is homeless.  I sent him a text and the same by email that he was welcome to stay on my couch if he needed a place to stay. No strings attached as I know nothing will ever change with him unless he chooses to get help.  I tried calling him this evening and again when he heard my voice hung up on me and then sent me the following email:

I will be contacting the police and -------- -------- city college tomorrow to complain about your harassing me. My attorney will be contacted.

You are so ordered to NEVER contact me again.

Failure to heed this order will result in a legal complaint filing by my attorney against you.

That means do not respond even to this message.

I teach at community college. To be honest, he has sent me emails like this some laced with profanities on numerous occasions in the past and then shows up at my door or starts contacting me again.Y'all know the usual drill of recycling.

I feel somewhat ashamed of myself for being weak and not staying N/C. However, as with many on here, I still feel a lot of love for him and worry about him. I suffer from depression and OCD and am very empathetic and compassionate towards others with "issues."

From now on, I will definitely stop all contact with him and just go N/C. He is his own worst enemy.

Have any of you received the same sorts of threatening emails?

[Pretty Woman]

God YES! I was looking for closure... .I wasn't "stalking" her and I got a full-blown email that I was making her uncomfortable by blowing up her phone & email... .it was causing her great "distress".

She even copied the definition of harassment and put it in the email. This is how kooky these nutters are.

After that letter I made 0 attempt to contact her.  She ran off to my replacement in another state... .her ex (that she has gone back and forth with for years) nonetheless, came back two weeks later begging me to take her back. Blowing MY phone up with over 55 voicemails on the way from Minnesota to Illinois... .while driving nonetheless. Showed up on my doorstep and wouldn't leave.

This time my replacement is a mile from both of us and she seems happy as a clam. There shouldn't be any abandonment fears for awhile as they are in the "honeymoon" phase and I am split completely black. She isn't happy though. I know this.  She is posting all over FB what an a-hole I am.  I am not on there at all... I deactivated.  It amazes me how I took this person back 3xs.  She has done this 3x to me!

And she has the same team of loser enablers encouraging her.  You would think people would realize if someone would go back to this "devil" (me) three times... .

maybe I am not the problem.

It's all crazymaking.

I advise DO NOT CONTACT. They will file charges. They will try to contact you by any means. They will ruin you financially and ruin your career. They are emotional, needy vampires.

They ARE that crazy.

Don't worry about him. He got along fine before you and he will survive after. Worry about you... .that is most important. I know you are empathetic. I am too. But you need to take care of YOU.  He is at WAR right now with you. Protect yourself.

Change the locks on your heart.  

[Mutt]

Hi ppb2la,



I can understand how frustrating and confusing that would be when someone is upset for lighting incense, candles and not getting an app quickly enough. I see how compassionate that you are; you are willing to let him stay with you when it seems like he's down on his luck sleeping in a truck.

I think that's a very kind thing of you to do. Don't be hard on yourself for breaking no contact, I think that it's not black and white and it's in the grey area. There's no right or wrong and NC is a tool to give yourself some space to heal, stop the bleeding and step back to take a look at the bigger picture. NC is a temporary tool that can speed up our recovery and I see that you decided to remain NC again.

I tried calling him this evening and again when he heard my voice hung up on me

I can see how receiving a hostile email like this would be confusing; it seems like a disproportionate response to your kindness.  He hung up at the sound of your voice and it could be that he is feeling embarrassed and ashamed with his current circumstances. It's too emotional for him at the moment and I think that resonates with the hostility in his email.

[ppb2la]

Pretty Woman,

Thanks! I especially like your comment "Change the locks on your heart."

It's ironic but his favorite movie is Dracula . He told me that he used to watch it almost every night.

Considering that BPDs and NPDs tend to be vampirish, this definitely resonated with me when he told me some time ago.

Best to you in your healing journey.

PPB2LA

[ppb2la]

Thanks, Mutt.

I guess I didn't think that he may be embarrassed about his current situation which prompted such hostility.

However, I think it is also based on the fact that I dared confront him by email about his PD's about 5 + weeks ago.

You are correct that the level of animosity doesn't really match this situation. His general outbursts towards me over trivial things have been the same over the r/s. EVERYTHING has always been out of proportion.

PPB2LA

[Pretty Woman]

NP.



Seriously though, you never know if they will snap and follow through on their threats. I would take them at true value and do not contact.

That is the f'd up thing about this disorder. They threaten you, paint you an abusive jack a_ _ and then beg you back to them.

This is horrible but sometimes I wish mine would just go away perm. Like if she got hit by a truck my life would be easier.

I know that sounds so awful.  We just have to be strong and say no. Say nothing, actually. If you've had several recycles like I have you look like a "sure thing" that they can get you back no matter what.

You need to change the game and heal.

This really isn't about the EX after all. It's about you and why you crave something that hurts and degrades you regularly.

PW

[zundertowz]

I talked to a few people who's exes actually got restraining orders on them and they still came back while the RO was in effect... .truly insane!  And even more insane that these guys allowed contact and allowed them back.  My ex would bait me by her obsessive contact then flip it saying I was harassing her.

[ppb2la]

Hi Pretty Woman,

I know what you mean about them. You never truly know IF they will follow through or not.

I also agree that a better question is to ask oneself why does one continue taking such an abusive person back.

In my case, my T thinks I am replaying a sort of sick dilemma with my Dad. He was a a recovered alcoholic who did not work a program. He was also addicted to Valium for most of his life. At home, growing up we were all walking on egg shells. As I got older, I would challenge him over his behavior or when he would choose not to speak to any of us for maybe two weeks and then wonder after the time why we hadn't been speaking to him.

According to my T., I am hoping for a different response from my uBPD/NPD and that is why I am in this sick cycle.

TBH, I don't think he will recycle me -though he did 11 times before. I imagine that he is furious that I confronted him with his PD's in the hope that he might seek some help. Most of us know on here that BPD/NPD types will rarely accept their diagnosis one way or another.

Thanks for your input )



PPB2LA

[ppb2la]

Thanks Zundertowz.

I know their behavior doesn't seem to have any rhyme nor reason.

I have received the same kind of email from him numerous times before, and then he comes back.

I agree that one must question why one takes the BPD back. I think in my case I just felt sorry for him knowing his situation and always hoping that he might change.

Of course, I now realize that he will NEVER change until he fully accepts his PD's and decides to work with his T on them.

Best!

PPB2LA

[mimi99]

If he gets a restraining order and then contacts you, you will still be considered to have violated it if you respond and/or see him. At least in Maryland that is the case. No matter what he does, you have to abide by the court order restricting contact--so don't let him trigger you into responding if there is an order in place. Remember that his dilemma is a direct result of decisions he has made and you aren't helping any if you step in and "cushion" the consequences. That is called enabling, and also has consequences for your own mental health. Hopefully he will work on himself, but now is the time for you to work on healing yourself. Hugs

[zundertowz]

If he gets a restraining order and then contacts you, you will still be considered to have violated it if you respond and/or see him. At least in Maryland that is the case. No matter what he does, you have to abide by the court order restricting contact--so don't let him trigger you into responding if there is an order in place. Remember that his dilemma is a direct result of decisions he has made and you aren't helping any if you step in and "cushion" the consequences. That is called enabling, and also has consequences for your own mental health. Hopefully he will work on himself, but now is the time for you to work on healing yourself. Hugs

And that is also a set up to ruin your life... .don't be stupid... .why anyone would wanna talk to someone who puts a false RO on someone is beyond comprehension.

[klacey3]

NP.



Seriously though, you never know if they will snap and follow through on their threats. I would take them at true value and do not contact.

That is the f'd up thing about this disorder. They threaten you, paint you an abusive jack a_ _ and then beg you back to them.

This is horrible but sometimes I wish mine would just go away perm. Like if she got hit by a truck my life would be easier.

I know that sounds so awful.  We just have to be strong and say no. Say nothing, actually. If you've had several recycles like I have you look like a "sure thing" that they can get you back no matter what.

You need to change the game and heal.

This really isn't about the EX after all. It's about you and why you crave something that hurts and degrades you regularly.

PW

Pretty women I know exactly what you are talking about!

Recently I got the 'my family and friends are disgusted at you for not saying thanks foe the flowers i sent you (this was after I told him I dont want to talk to him again and blocked him) he said he wished he never met me, i was horrible and if i "carried on being a **** by ignoring him he would give me a reason to be upset"

Unfortunately I got so mad I did respond to which he sent me many emails saying i was the love of his life, am his saviour, his favourite person in the world, without me their is no point to life, he wanted to have my children etc etc. Then when i told him he was acting like a stalker and needs to stop messaging he kept telling me he was crying at how horrible i was. Later he went on to tell me how his family never liked me and was warned by many people that i am a spoilt trip and how much his family liked his ex...

It truly is just crazy!

I totally agree as hard as it is, no contact is best

[ppb2la]

Thanks Mimi99, Klacey 3 and Zundertowz for your responses.

I agree with what you all shared with me. I am NOT going to respond or deal with him further.

NC is the way forward for me.

 

[Pretty Woman]

They are nuts. You will never be able to rationalize with the irrational.

My exes ex and I became good friends over the past four years. She recently unfriended and blocked my ex. This was after my ex emailed her numerous times wanting to bring her new GF to visit.

I was talking to my exes ex and said, when does she ever contact you? And she replied: only when she is going through a breakup or has a new girlfriend.

We realized this ex is the person she shows the new GF off to... .shows she is "friends" with exes when really she never reaches out except when she "needs" someone.

So this ex friends and blocks her. Gets 50 texts within five hours. 50. Calling her names then begging her to talk to her. Then accusing her of "making a play for Pretty Woman"... .go ahead, she tells her.

That is NOT a sane, healthy, normal person. If she is so happy with my replacement why is she obsessed with this un friending?

You know why? Because she has lost a key chess piece in her game, in her pattern.

I'm sure she will seek some sort of revenge. She's like that but I know THIS IS NOT NORMAL.

Look at their actions. Not their words. They never match.