Block my BPD ex on facebook or not?

[Pretty Woman]

Soar,

   You need to do what is best for YOU. If it makes you anxious, block her. If it doesn't bother you then don't do anything.

This is about you, your feelings and boundaries. Not her.

In my situation I blocked because in the past, she eventually did when she found a replacement. I don't plan on ever un-blocking. Facebook is such a game. It's not worth playing it.

[rotiroti]

   You need to do what is best for YOU. If it makes you anxious, block her. If it doesn't bother you then don't do anything.

This is about you, your feelings and boundaries. Not her.

solid advice from PW!

Soar you could try blocking her and see how you feel. I had her blocked for a few months and then unblocked her when I was ready. I was really second-guessing myself thinking she would take it the wrong way, but it wasn't the case. We can't predict what other people are going to do. I was pleasantly surprised when I heard no reaction.

[twanda2020]

I have been debating this too. My Ex unfriended me when she decided to move in with replacement #2, but didn't block me. We still have a few friends in common on FB. Though a couple of them are technically my friends, not really hers. Almost like she wants to keep a little bit of a connection to me, but I don't know that for sure.

I am really good about not checking on her. I struggle when I see she has liked something or commented on one of mutual FB friends. It's like a sucker punch in the gut when I see it. This is why I have been considering it, at least until I am no longer triggered. It doesn't have to be permanent.

[soar]

I wish I could find another girl who I feel the same way about.

Do you feel like what you felt with her was intensity or emotional intimacy?

I'd probably say intensity for the most part.

[soar]

Soar wrote

Do u mean you want to know you meant something to her?

Yeah.

------Why do you think you didn't mean something to her? Why do you think she didn't value the relationship? Did she say devaluing things about you and about the relationship?

Shatra

Yeah she said lots of things. Such as... .

"you didn't satisy me"

"I might spend your birthday with you if you've moved out by then"

"welcome to the real world where life sucks and no one can make it better but yourself. You made this bed now lie in it"

"I want you to leave me alone once and for all"

Not to mention that she dumped me by text (if you can really call it that) without explanation like I meant absolutely nothing. Then went on to delete pictures from facebook like our relationship never even existed.

[Mutt]

I wish I could find another girl who I feel the same way about.

Do you feel like what you felt with her was intensity or emotional intimacy?

I'd probably say intensity for the most part.

A pwBPD can't provide intimacy, BPD is emotional arrested development. It may feel like it's intimacy with idealization.

Yeah she said lots of things. Such as... .

"you didn't satisy me"

"I might spend your birthday with you if you've moved out by then"

"welcome to the real world where life sucks and no one can make it better but yourself. You made this bed now lie in it"

"I want you to leave me alone once and for all"

Not to mention that she dumped me by text (if you can really call it that) without explanation like I meant absolutely nothing. Then went on to delete pictures from facebook like our relationship never even existed.

Can you see how she has rigid thought patterns, all or nothing thinking or black and white thinking? Others have said that you can choose to unblock her when you feel better and if this makes you feel anxious to block her.

You have been walking around wounded for quite some time, find what helps you with recovery.

[soar]

Can you see how she has rigid thought patterns, all or nothing thinking or black and white thinking? Others have said that you can choose to unblock her when you feel better and if this makes you feel anxious to block her.

You have been walking around wounded for quite some time, find what helps you with recovery.

Yeah her behaviour was so extreme during the breakup, it was incredibly painful. I felt like I was being given unthinkable punishment just for being upset that she'd left me. Everything felt backwards at the time but now I know about BPD, it makes sense.

One thing I think might be bothering me atm is whether my ex actually has BPD? I guess it's because for so long I didn't know so went about other ways of explaining her behaviour. Plus I had the horrible experience of seeing a counsellor for a while who asked me to buy a book about abusive, controlling men. Very much trying to make out that I was the abusive one. This was before I even discovered BPD so it was a different scenario then. All I had was what happened but no real understanding as to why.

Another thing thats particularly tough for me is when my ex cut me off it was so clean. There was no sign of weakness from her side. She was living elsewhere so was never going to see me. One minute we were looking at places together and then the next, she was never going to speak to me again and went to the police to stop my contact. It was devastating, she even had the cheek to say "thanks for making things 10 times harder for me" ... .here I am 3 years later.

Yeah I will keep her blocked because it definately makes me anxious imagining her image might pop up.

[Mutt]

One thing I think might be bothering me atm is whether my ex actually has BPD? I guess it's because for so long I didn't know so went about other ways of explaining her behaviour. Plus I had the horrible experience of seeing a counsellor for a while who asked me to buy a book about abusive, controlling men. Very much trying to make out that I was the abusive one. This was before I even discovered BPD so it was a different scenario then. All I had was what happened but no real understanding as to why.

I understand. A person that changes reality often is a sign of mental illness. We're not qualified to diagnose and what we can do is look at traits, characteristics of the borderline personality types.

I'm assuming that she could hold it together when you're in front of other people? BPD is an invisible disorder and the acting out is directed at people that become intimate with a pwBPD.

PD's are complex and it sounds like your counselor wasn't trained on personality disorders and was blaming you for her behaviors. It must of been very frustrating trying to explain your circumstances and not being heard.  

My ex partner is not diagnosed and if I explained her behaviors with friends, family members, T's etc... they were looking at it from the perspective that she is healthy.

My family members would tell me "well you must of done something!"

I can understand how isolating that can feel when you're going through something that others may not have answers for. It's hard when you don't have someone to turn to. It helps to talk to people that can relate.

Yeah I will keep her blocked because it definately makes me anxious imagining her image might pop up.

[soar]

One thing I think might be bothering me atm is whether my ex actually has BPD? I guess it's because for so long I didn't know so went about other ways of explaining her behaviour. Plus I had the horrible experience of seeing a counsellor for a while who asked me to buy a book about abusive, controlling men. Very much trying to make out that I was the abusive one. This was before I even discovered BPD so it was a different scenario then. All I had was what happened but no real understanding as to why.

I understand. A person that changes reality often is a sign of mental illness. We're not qualified to diagnose and what we can do is look at traits, characteristics of the borderline personality types.

I'm assuming that she could hold it together when you're in front of other people? BPD is an invisible disorder and the acting out is directed at people that become intimate with a pwBPD.

PD's are complex and it sounds like your counselor wasn't trained on personality disorders and was blaming you for her behaviors. It must of been very frustrating trying to explain your circumstances and not being heard. 

My ex partner is not diagnosed and if I explained her behaviors with friends, family members, T's etc... they were looking at it from the perspective that she is healthy.

My family members would tell me "well you must of done something!"

I can understand how isolating that can feel when you're going through something that others may not have answers for. It's hard when you don't have someone to turn to. It helps to talk to people that can relate.

Yeah I will keep her blocked because it definately makes me anxious imagining her image might pop up.

Where you getting blamed for your actions?

I got absolutely nailed by my ex for my actions. She said "maybe we could of got back together in a few months if we'd missed eachother but you've made sure that won't be a possibility anymore". Clearly forgetting to mention that her hurtful behaviour might of also hindered any chance of a future relationship. She also said "If you ever do this again I won't even consider being friends with you". But she never really specified what 'it' was - I think it was basically not messaging her when she didn't want me to. But I think it's more like not asking anything of her that she's not comfortable with.

[Mutt]

Where you getting blamed for your actions?

I got absolutely nailed by my ex for my actions. She said "maybe we could of got back together in a few months if we'd missed eachother but you've made sure that won't be a possibility anymore". Clearly forgetting to mention that her hurtful behaviour might of also hindered any chance of a future relationship.

Yes I was blamed for all of her behaviors and feelings. It's projection. We project as well but to a pwBPD they do this to the extreme. It's subconsciously attributing negative actions and feelings on someone else.

She also said "If you ever do this again I won't even consider being friends with you". But she never really specified what 'it' was - I think it was basically not messaging her when she didn't want me to. But I think it's more like not asking anything of her that she's not comfortable with.

It's hard to tell soar what she was thinking.

feelings = facts to a pwBPD where facts followed by feelings for non's.

She's wired differently.