Feel so alone at the moment

[Willow moon]

Hey everyone,

I've been thinking about joining this site since my husband was diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago but I felt I wasn't ready. Now I just feel like I need to talk to people who understand. My husband had a break down when I was pregnant and our boy is now 18 months old and even though overall husband is doing better, he's still very nasty and hurtful almost daily and when he's not it's because I've been walking around on eggshells making sure I don't say or do anything that will upset him.

I suffer with anxiety and have had post natal depression due to a traumatic birth and also his behaviour. The last couple have weeks have been really tough as the slightest thing I say is making him kick off and scream and shout. I feel like I've had to try and isolate myself from my family just because anything they say offends him and all I do is get a kick off for it. His family (mum specifically) are very interfering especially regarding our son and if I ever say anything he says things like 'I'm going to my mums and taking him with me so you can't see

Him anymore'. As a result I hate leaving my little boy with anyone and get anxious when I work two days and he's at home with his dad. I just feel so alone and down and nobody understands and I can't talk to anyone cos they will all just tell me to leave but I can't because I can't bear the thought of having to share custody of my little boy and not Be able tk see him every day. Husbands dad has pnd too and I'm frightened of my little boy getting it too.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[NonBPHusb]

I'm so sorry that you are going through that.  I have two young kids, and the thought of not seeing them everyday is terrifying.  What you are experiencing is not unique.  I believe that my wife and her father both have BPD, and I am frightened about my kids developing it as well.  I'm not a therapists, but I think the best thing that any of us can do is show our kids unconditional love and support--whether you stay in the marriage or leave it.  I hope that you are able to find support for your anxiety issues and depression and find a way to detach from his emotional rollercoaster.  I'm in the process of trying to do the same, so I feel for you.

[an0ught]

Hi Willow moon,

a big   for you. It is tough to deal with anxiety and it is touch to deal with a pwBPD. Tacking both together can put a strain you yourself.

Considering that right now you are afraid to even speak up makes me sad. You probably can benefit a lot from working through the validation workshops and just try to practice validation in communicating with other members here on the board. Build up a little confidence. Once you get a better handle on it tackling the family will be a little easier.

What do you think?

,

a0

[ptilda]

Right now, you and your son are your priorities. . . in that order. You can't take care of baby if you're a mess. Take time off. Make space. Have friends. Start a support group!

Welcome! I understand part of what you're going through. You have friends and support here.

[Ceruleanblue]

Welcome, and hugs to you. I can't even imagine parenting with a person who has BPD. Those who do it really have my respect. You have my respect. It's tough, and it has to set off your anxiety. I too suffer from anxiety, so I know what that's like. I have learned that you just can't put off taking care of yourself.

I agree with the Ptilda, that you need to prioritize yourself and your child. Can you do therapy for yourself, so you have an outlet. Lots of friends might not understand, but a therapist really will.

Hugs to you, you are not alone.