Is this BPD?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I’m not sure if this constitutes BPD but hopefully you can shed some light on this one…  When we met 6 months ago things seemed to be going okay until I noticed her become extremely clingy at times. She would wait outside work and gym for me. She wouldn’t stop calling and messaging me until I told her “Yes I love you”. She would feign illness at times just to see me so when I realised what was happening I recommended a break up however each time I mentioned break up she would go mental, she would go crazy.

In fact one week she started making suicide threats, skyping me with a knife to her throat was not exactly “healthy” so one day when I called the emergency services on her she would go to hospital but would later admit that a) no one could help her except me and b) it was merely a cry for attention.

For weeks I would try to walk away only for her to apologise and I would go back to her. I felt trapped. Her phone calls were nonstop every day until I agreed to make time for her. In fact at times she refused to leave my car unless I promised not to leave her. Lucky the police had intervened one evening.  She would later admit that “I no longer love you but I just want your companionship”  She further admitted “I will never give up on you ever, you won’t EVER escape me NO MATTER WHAT” . We somehow bumped into each other over the last weekend but I ignored her. The next day she made threats against me, my friends and my family, calling me a coward. Not to mention the 100 plus missed calls a day.

So my friends said that... ."If I didn't report her to the authorities, then they would" so I walked to the police station told them everything, an officer picked up my phone and she simply called the officer a b**** without even knowing who she was taking to and until today the missed calls had been non-stop day and night. 

The officer did say a restraining order and being charged with harassment was what they were recommending and it is going ahead now as we speak likely she will end up getting mental health counseling and a fine. I feel bad for what I did in the end but I wanted my life back. I couldn't just stay around for the sake making her happy. You think this was BPD? the symptoms seemed very evident... .

[chelseafc]

I’m not sure if this constitutes BPD but hopefully you can shed some light on this one…  When we met 6 months ago things seemed to be going okay until I noticed her become extremely clingy at times. She would wait outside work and gym for me. She wouldn’t stop calling and messaging me until I told her “Yes I love you”. She would feign illness at times just to see me so when I realised what was happening I recommended a break up however each time I mentioned break up she would go mental, she would go crazy.

In fact one week she started making suicide threats, skyping me with a knife to her throat was not exactly “healthy” so one day when I called the emergency services on her she would go to hospital but would later admit that a) no one could help her except me and b) it was merely a cry for attention.

For weeks I would try to walk away only for her to apologise and I would go back to her. I felt trapped. Her phone calls were nonstop every day until I agreed to make time for her. In fact at times she refused to leave my car unless I promised not to leave her. Lucky the police had intervened one evening.  She would later admit that “I no longer love you but I just want your companionship”  She further admitted “I will never give up on you ever, you won’t EVER escape me NO MATTER WHAT” . We somehow bumped into each other over the last weekend but I ignored her. The next day she made threats against me, my friends and my family, calling me a coward. Not to mention the 100 plus missed calls a day.

So my friends said that... ."If I didn't report her to the authorities, then they would" so I walked to the police station told them everything, an officer picked up my phone and she simply called the officer a b**** without even knowing who she was taking to and until today the missed calls had been non-stop day and night. 

The officer did say a restraining order and being charged with harassment was what they were recommending and it is going ahead now as we speak likely she will end up getting mental health counseling and a fine. I feel bad for what I did in the end but I wanted my life back. I couldn't just stay around for the sake making her happy. You think this was BPD? the symptoms seemed very evident... .

[fromheeltoheal]

Lots of stuff in your post that could be the behaviors of a borderline, although the label only matters to us in that it helps make sense of what we went through.  It's the behaviors that matter, they're either acceptable to us or they're not, and it sounds like you handled it well.  Have you read this?  https://bpdfamily.com/content/why-we-struggle-in-relationships

How are you feeling now, after what you've been through?

[chelseafc]

Lots of stuff in your post that could be the behaviors of a borderline, although the label only matters to us in that it helps make sense of what we went through.  It's the behaviors that matter, they're either acceptable to us or they're not, and it sounds like you handled it well.  Have you read this?  https://bpdfamily.com/content/why-we-struggle-in-relationships

How are you feeling now, after what you've been through?

I feel terrible for putting up with the behavior for so long instead of letting it end but it felt like there would be no end in sight if I didn't take some form of action. I feel just as bad that I have now jeopardized this persons job prospects and their residency status by going to the authorities but at the end of the day she was going to make threats against me which was uncalled for... .

[fromheeltoheal]

I feel terrible for putting up with the behavior for so long instead of letting it end but it felt like there would be no end in sight if I didn't take some form of action. I feel just as bad that I have now jeopardized this persons job prospects and their residency status by going to the authorities but at the end of the day she was going to make threats against me which was uncalled for... .

And good for you for taking control of the situation and acting, lots of folks don't for a long time.  And who knows, current events may be the tipping point that gives her an a-ha moment, where she's motivated to get some real help.  So what are you going to do about how you feel about putting up with it for so long and having jeopardized her?

[chelseafc]

I feel terrible for putting up with the behavior for so long instead of letting it end but it felt like there would be no end in sight if I didn't take some form of action. I feel just as bad that I have now jeopardized this persons job prospects and their residency status by going to the authorities but at the end of the day she was going to make threats against me which was uncalled for... .

And good for you for taking control of the situation and acting, lots of folks don't for a long time.  And who knows, current events may be the tipping point that gives her an a-ha moment, where she's motivated to get some real help.  So what are you going to do about how you feel about putting up with it for so long and having jeopardized her?

At the end of the day l had to assert myself but it took a lot of encouragement and even still many times l gave up on myself and gave in to her demands. It could have got out of hand snd if anything happened to her further on l could have been blamed so I couldn't risk that... .As for her life situation the officers pretty much said SHE was in control of her situations and her life choices she crossed boundaries overstepped the line.  She made it pretty clear a few weeks ago that she wasn't concerned about the authorities if they tried to have some form of intervention. In her words "you're a coward if you can't face me on your own" I don't feel shame for taking action but relief and now i will talk to someone,  a friend, a counselor someone who can give me support