Seeing Things Through To Total Catastrophe

[Darsha500]

Inspired by the absolute hopelessness of everything, I felt relieved, as if a great burden had been lifted off my shoulders. - Henry Miller


"When you look back on a failed relationship, you often wonder how it could have gone on for so long. For months you knew it wasn't working. Why didn't you get out before it became an irrevocable disaster? The answer is simple: Because it needed to end in catastrophe. You needed to poison the well and bludgeon your heart beyond repair. You needed to exhaust all your reserves. Anything less and you'd still be holding out hope. You can always muddle along from minor disaster to minor disaster, but it takes truly heroic stamina to see things through to total catastrophe.

It's a catastrophe, but it's the one I need.




By: Andrew Boyd.

From: Daily Afflictions.

[Stylianos]

This whole thing above is it completely. You know something is wrong - but you dont know.  Like the dutch boy you seek to plug the wholes as the water rushes in - but you cant fill the wholes forever.  the damn breaks and the water rushes over and you are done.  Even at the end you dont know - you just know you cant do this anymore. 

The end is so painful and a slow-mo train wreck.  In order to survive it, you must anchor away (push away from the isolation you cultivated over the years) from the path of destruction.  But you are still there to witness, and aftermath is so sad.

[SGraham]

Inspired by the absolute hopelessness of everything, I felt relieved, as if a great burden had been lifted off my shoulders. - Henry Miller


"When you look back on a failed relationship, you often wonder how it could have gone on for so long. For months you knew it wasn't working. Why didn't you get out before it became an irrevocable disaster? The answer is simple: Because it needed to end in catastrophe. You needed to poison the well and bludgeon your heart beyond repair. You needed to exhaust all your reserves. Anything less and you'd still be holding out hope. You can always muddle along from minor disaster to minor disaster, but it takes truly heroic stamina to see things through to total catastrophe.

It's a catastrophe, but it's the one I need.




By: Andrew Boyd.

From: Daily Afflictions.

So true. I don't think i could have lived with myself if i jumped ship so to speak. Really my only solace is knowing i did my best and held on long enough to see her end the relationship.

[GreenEyedMonster]

On the night I got in the fateful fight with my exBPD, my mom said it looked like I was sabotaging the relationship.  She was right, but I don't think I even fully understood why at that point.

The relationship was stressful, tiring, failing to meet my emotional needs.  I was walking on eggshells and felt like I wasn't in control.  But I still liked the "fun parts" so well that I wasn't going to break up.  And I still didn't want to leave my poor, pitiful waif of a boyfriend alone in the world and have that blood on my hands.  I lost ten pounds and my hair was falling out in clumps.

So yeah, I blew it up.