Contact from exBPD -- and it ain't pretty

[GreenEyedMonster]

I got a letter from my ex in the mail today, sent from a false return address.

Apparently one of our mutual friends (of her own volition) contacted him and tried to persuade him to take me back.  This made him exceedingly angry.

I had noticed a few days ago that this woman had disappeared from social media and all of her personal information had been deleted.  I wondered what on earth caused her to vanish.  Now I wonder if my exBPD cut her down or threatened her or what.

Now I am seeing the light.  The fact that he hates me is an opportunity to run . . .

[Pretty Woman]

When they make up their mind any interference or trying to persuade them otherwise tends to make them lose it.

Green Eyed Monster is BAD. There is no inbetween, its the black and white thinking.

Remember... .it's ALL about them and most high-functioning BPD's are also NPD.

Best thing is to stay NC. That letter with a "fake" return address was just sent to prey on your emotions.

I had something happen with FB a few weeks ago.  Scores of mutual friends unfriended my ex. I did not ask these people to do this, but she was blowing up her FB with how much she was in "love" and happy with her new GF... .less than a month after I threw her a lavish birthday inviting friends of hers from out of state.

It made them sick and they know I didn't deserve this.

She raged to high hell when she saw her ex who is also my friend unfriended AND blocked her. This ex was so ill seeing that I went through what she did almost verbatim... .years later. She also realized she was being used and the only time she ever saw my ex was when my ex had a new GF. Sure enough the day she dumped me she called this woman and told her she was bringing her awesome new GF to visit her (she lives in a nearby state).

This didn't sit well with my ex's ex.

So my ex called her 60 times! She called her all sorts of names and then begged her to respond. She did nothing. It's like a little child throwing a tantrum.

Shortly after, she posted on FB all sorts of crap about me, and how our friends were not being "switzerland" and how dissapointed she was no one cared about her feelings and how happy she is.

Feelings? This is a person that after 3yrs broke up with me saying "I will love you forever and always be in your life" while simultaneously changing the locks on the front door. Feelings? We just bought a puppy together I paid 1/2 towards that I will never see again.

She was already sleeping with my replacement.

Feelings?


It kills them when you don't react. It's like a little kid trying to get your attention by doing inappropriate things. Ignore it. Either they will A) Go back to being on their "best behavior" or B) Leave you alone completely.


PW

[Skip]

What was the gist of the letter?

[GreenEyedMonster]

The letter said that I should just get over the relationship and move on.  He said that I was trying to "manipulate" him using "mediators" and that it wouldn't work.  He asked me never to contact him again.

I never asked either of the people in the letter to talk to him on my behalf.

I've now blocked him and his immediate family on social media and created incognito accounts where I couldn't avoid being exposed to him.

[Pretty Woman]

Green Eyed,

   You did all the right things. I am glad you blocked everything. Thing is you did nothing wrong. Not your fault these people got involved... .but you know this already.

[Skip]

Apparently one of our mutual friends (of her own volition) contacted him and tried to persuade him to take me back. 

I can see how he might suspect that you were, at the very least, encouraging her.  This type of misunderstanding is easy.

One thing that often happens in these relationships is that everyone become drama oriented - the "fight" becomes more about winning each battle, and less about finding solutions.

Not knowing the tone of the letter, if this was anyone else and the topic were not so personal, what would we do?  We respond with an apology and assurances that we're not behind this.

Does it make sense to send something like this.

Its disarming.




Hey ______,

I can understand how uncomfortable ______ conversation was.  I'm sorry. I want you to know that I was not behind it, although I can see why it would appear that way.

I am respecting your space.

__________

[GreenEyedMonster]

The tone of the letter was pretty harsh/antagonistic, and it ended with a plea to never contact him again . . . one which I am more than happy to honor at this point.  He can think whatever he likes about me now.

He left me an object worth several hundred dollars . . . and shoot, I guess I can't contact him to return it, per his request.  His loss.