Alcohol

[Visitor]

I can’t quite believe it but the first person to ever reveal to me that I am abusing alcohol is my current girlfriend. She wasn’t shouting at me for it or making me feel bad but just simply asked “why are you drinking so much?. I have NEVER had somebody ask me that question in my whole life. My dad was a heavy drinker (his poison was scotch), so it isn’t any surprise that my family never noted it. My brother also likes a beer. I’m more of a home drinker so a lot of my friends have never see it. It planted a seed in my head that has grown ever since I heard it and it has had a profound effect on me. The question has started to morph in my mind as to why I drink at all?.

I usually enjoy a couple of glasses of red wine after work and then on the weekends I can do a bottle and a half to two bottles a night. It has affected my sleep patterns and caused mood disturbances throughout my life and I have only just started to question my relationship with alcohol.

What is your relationship with alcohol?

Did your partner drink?

Did your family drink?

[fromheeltoheal]

I have a love/hate relationship with alcohol, it's been the solution, the problem and both for a big chunk of my adult life, and I'm half Scottish so I come from a long line of drunks.  I currently don't drink at all and my ex almost never drank, although when she did she was more emotionally available than usual, which I liked.

Your consumption is pretty heavy, and if you're wondering what's up with that, try not drinking for 90 days and see what happens, see how you feel and how your perceptions change.  And see how difficult it is to do that.  And hell, it's only 90 days, you can always go back to whatever if you choose to after.

[Tibbles]

I used to really enjoy a glass of wine with friends and dinner but as I 've gone through my marriage break up I've found alcohol makes me feel depressed. The following day after I've drunk I feel less able to cope and I feel unsettled. As a result I've cut right back and rarely drink now. I have soft drink with friends after work now. Not as much fun but better for me. I have no alcohol in the house so if I feel like a drink I have to drive to get it. That takes away the impulsiveness of wanting a drink so I rarely drink at home now.

My ex used to drink to excess, he worked from home and used to start drinking at lunch and go till bed time. More fool me for putting up with that - I was such an accommodating supportive little wife  . Not something I would blindly accept again! Funny thing is he stopped drinking due to a health scare and couldn't stand me having a glass of wine with friends after work. Used to really criticise/rage at me when I came home.

I guess now I just don't like alcohol. I like the way I feel with the first glass, I like the way a few glasses can block out life's worries but the come down is not worth that momentary release.  Life was horrible when the ex drank and now I find it makes me feel depressed. Neither of my kids drink - they saw what their dad was like. So I am pleased to say alcohol is no longer a part of our lives. A good thing.

[Learning_curve74]

A lot of people abuse alcohol. It's often a coping strategy for getting through unhappy feelings.

A bottle of wine is about 5 standard servings, so two bottles is about 10 drinks, that's pretty heavy drinking.

My ex was not only BPD but an alcoholic as well, but I'm not sure those two were even separate issues, probably simply parts of the entire problem. She definitely drank to get drunk. One funny thing that would often happen is she would get drunk, disagree with something I said, and then tell me that I must be drunk for having said it. 

For a long time in my life I didn't drink alcohol, but I really do enjoy beer, wine, and spirits. I only enjoy them as a connoisseur of delightful food and drink though. It's all about the aromas, tastes, and sometimes company of good friends that enjoy the same. I can only recall 3 times in the last ten years I got drunk, and it was always a maladaptive coping strategy to deal with my emotions at the time.

Why do YOU enjoy drinking alcohol, Visitor?

[rotiroti]

What is your relationship with alcohol?

On and off throughout the years. Mid 20's is when i was really relying it on it to deal with stress.

Did your partner drink?

Yes, I even stopped my 3 years of sobriety in order to appease her. Bad times.

Did your family drink?

No one. It was pretty much taboo growing up, mom's side has a long history of alcoholism and was constantly warned about it's ill effects

[Visitor]

fromheeltoheal

I have a love/hate relationship with alcohol, it's been the solution, the problem and both for a big chunk of my adult life, and I'm half Scottish so I come from a long line of drunks. I currently don't drink at all and my ex almost never drank, although when she did she was more emotionally available than usual, which I liked.

Your consumption is pretty heavy, and if you're wondering what's up with that, try not drinking for 90 days and see what happens, see how you feel and how your perceptions change. And see how difficult it is to do that. And hell, it's only 90 days, you can always go back to whatever if you choose to after.

I’m the same in that I was drinking to to “solve a problem” which of course NEVER solves the problem. It’s interesting that you said “my ex almost never drank, although when she did she was more emotionally available than usual, which I liked” as this is what children tend to experience with a parent who gets drunk regularly.

I’m way ahead of you with the 90 day thing although I have just said to myself I will go for as long as a I can and take one day at a time. I am so far only 1 week in and don’t miss the stuff at all. At the same time I am being realistic and realise that the early stages of abstinence can fool you into thinking it easy. I just had my first alcohol free weekend and haven’t experience that much energy on a weekend for a long time. I woke up early on Saturday morning, me and my GF went for a 25 mile ride along the coast, spent time on the beach reading and cooked a meal in the evening, went for a walk then watched a movie. I slept like baby that night. In the morning I visited my family then came home and cleared all the junk out of my loft (attic) and did a few odd jobs I had been putting off.


Tibbles

I used to really enjoy a glass of wine with friends and dinner but as I 've gone through my marriage break up I've found alcohol makes me feel depressed.

Yes I didn’t realise what an effect the alcohol was having on my general mood. I was sacrificing long term satisfaction for short term gratification.

The following day after I've drunk I feel less able to cope and I feel unsettled. As a result I've cut right back and rarely drink now. I have soft drink with friends after work now. Not as much fun but better for me. I have no alcohol in the house so if I feel like a drink I have to drive to get it. That takes away the impulsiveness of wanting a drink so I rarely drink at home now.

I did exactly the same. Its called “controlling your environment” I got rid of all the alcohol I had in my flat and I don’t buy it anymore. A good tip I learned was to make soft drinks in your usual alcohol container when you drink it. So I put my soft drinks in my wine glass with a bit of ice a sit there sipping it like a wine. I find that really helps.

My ex used to drink to excess, he worked from home and used to start drinking at lunch and go till bed time. More fool me for putting up with that - I was such an accommodating supportive little wife   . Not something I would blindly accept again! Funny thing is he stopped drinking due to a health scare and couldn't stand me having a glass of wine with friends after work. Used to really criticise/rage at me when I came home.

Heavy drinking should be a red flag for anybody. It has been a red flag for my GF so I am determined to work on it. I love her.

I guess now I just don't like alcohol. I like the way I feel with the first glass, I like the way a few glasses can block out life's worries but the come down is not worth that momentary release. Life was horrible when the ex drank and now I find it makes me feel depressed. Neither of my kids drink - they saw what their dad was like. So I am pleased to say alcohol is no longer a part of our lives. A good thing.

Well done. This is a goal I am working towards and I’m pretty sure it will be life changing. I would like to ask you a question if I may.

I have found it very easy to stop but it has only been a week. Did you find it gets harder and harder and what did you do in your really weak moments?

learning_curve74

A lot of people abuse alcohol. It's often a coping strategy for getting through unhappy feelings.

For me I think it is a mixture depending on my mood. Sometimes something has happened and I want to relieve the stress, sometimes I feel low and want to pick myself up, sometimes I feel good and just want to get the buzz from drinking.

A bottle of wine is about 5 standard servings, so two bottles is about 10 drinks, that's pretty heavy drinking.

Yes!... and can you believe I was telling myself that wasn’t heavy drinking. People tend to have two types of drinkers in the mind. You are either a social drinker or an alcoholic and nothing in between. Also I would consider myself a “binge drinker” rather than a constant drinker.

My ex was not only BPD but an alcoholic as well, but I'm not sure those two were even separate issues, probably simply parts of the entire problem. She definitely drank to get drunk. One funny thing that would often happen is she would get drunk, disagree with something I said, and then tell me that I must be drunk for having said it.  

All I know is when I was drunk I became a different person. I am never violent or belligerent but I can turn into an a**hole and I’m not too proud to admit it. Then I just pass out.

For a long time in my life I didn't drink alcohol, but I really do enjoy beer, wine, and spirits. I only enjoy them as a connoisseur of delightful food and drink though. It's all about the aromas, tastes, and sometimes company of good friends that enjoy the same. I can only recall 3 times in the last ten years I got drunk, and it was always a maladaptive coping strategy to deal with my emotions at the time.

I would love to be able to “enjoy alcohol” but I don’t, I abuse it. I agree that a glass of wine it to be enjoyed now and again, maybe with a meal, but it’s the knowing when to stop that I have trouble with. For now I have chosen to cut it out completely so I can question my relationship with alcohol with a clear mind.

Why do YOU enjoy drinking alcohol, Visitor?

That’s a good question. One that I intend to find out but for now cannot give an answer. In-fact, I’m not sure if I enjoy it at all. Why do I ABUSE alcohol would be a better question for now. I have always had alcohol around me in my life. My dad was a very heavy drinker and got me into drinking beer at around 16. I just thought it was the norm and everybody does it. It has slowly escalated from there and just became part of everyday life.  I don’t have an addictive personality but I have an excessive one.

[Tibbles]

In answer to your question - what do I do in my really weak moments - like tonight when I have had contact with the ex - I initiated mediation procedures with him and he has not taken it well, lots of abusive phone messages which I tape and don't listen to but I still hear bits and it is always about my faults which are plentiful! I'm recording his calls so if needed I can have a lawyer listen if/when things get legal and nasty in court.  I would love a drink!

I remind myself how horrible I will feel tomorrow. I focus on all the good yoga and relaxation stuff I have been doing and how good that makes me feel and how the alcohol will wipe that out. And I repeat that these feelings will pass and in an hour I will be glad I didn't drink. I remember last time I gave in and how yukky I felt. I tell myself that if I still want it in an hour then I will get some but by then I am more settled and the urge has passed. I keep busy. The urge is passing now as I write this. For me its a matter of just riding that intense longing out and then - all good

Took me awhile to get to this place and as contact with the ex intensifies I'm sure I will weaken. 3 steps forward, 1 step back, I can live with that.

What I can say for sure is I feel better for cutting it out of my life. Good luck, it's worth doing and having survived a relationship with a person suffering BPD - we can do anything! x x

[Visitor]

I remind myself how horrible I will feel tomorrow. I focus on all the good yoga and relaxation stuff I have been doing and how good that makes me feel and how the alcohol will wipe that out. And I repeat that these feelings will pass and in an hour I will be glad I didn't drink. I remember last time I gave in and how yukky I felt. I tell myself that if I still want it in an hour then I will get some but by then I am more settled and the urge has passed. I keep busy. The urge is passing now as I write this. For me its a matter of just riding that intense longing out and then - all good

Thanks for the reply. The sentence I have highlighted is a very powerful one. I have found that if I just delay the urge I start to forget about it and the moment passes.

Took me awhile to get to this place and as contact with the ex intensifies I'm sure I will weaken. 3 steps forward, 1 step back, I can live with that.



I guess I'm quite lucky in that I don't have an ex to get over. In fact I can't think of anything worse than having a borderline in my life again. Still, we all suffer set backs in life and the research I'm doing shows that alcohol does ZERO to help handle these set backs mentally. In the very short term yes (few hours) but it not in the long run.



What I can say for sure is I feel better for cutting it out of my life. Good luck, it's worth doing and having survived a relationship with a person suffering BPD - we can do anything! x x

Yes I agree I feel wonderful for cutting it out completely and I can't see myself going back to it any time soon.

[disorderedsociety]

Apparently my father was a binge drinker. I drank for a while following my breakup but I wound up getting really emotional. I tried having a few drinks last night and it made me really depressed. I don't drink any alcohol really anymore.

[Tay25]

For 3 years I was heavily addicted to weed, I had a void of a meaningful relationship in my life and this substance helped temporarily fill it. Then when I was with my exBPD, I started drinking also cause she was always starting drama and I didnt know how to cope.

However when we broke up it had a massive impact on me and since that day, 8 months ago, I haven't smoked weed at all and I drink occasionally every 2nd weekend or so with friends.

My whole life my father has been an alcoholic and I even lived alone with him and watched him hit rock bottom when I was in highschool. After seeing what alcoholism can do to people and their families I will never let myself fall into that. Id rather be depressed or bored then to always have the need to have a drink or smoke.

Thank god for my exBPD she really did change my life.

[Visitor]

When this weekend is over I will have hit the 4 week mark for not drinking. In the past 20 year or so I have NEVER gone that long without having a drop of alcohol. My experience in this time has been a complete revelation. It has really allowed me to question my relationship with alcohol and teach myself that I don’t need alcohol to be myself or have a good time. Here are some of my findings...

I have a better night’s sleep

I wake up earlier in the morning

I feel better throughout the day.

I don’t have mood disturbances and can handle what the day throws at me.

I save money

I don’t feel dehydrated

I don’t suffer head aches

I have MUCH more energy throughout the day

Me and my girlfriend have been doing productive things

All the above in the space of 4 weeks!. There is a great resource available on-line called Hello Sunday Morning (www.hellosundaymorning.org). I also follow an Irish guy on YouTube called Alcohol Mastery (https://www.youtube.com/user/AlcoholMasteryTV). Both of these have provide great support while on this journey. I have extended my non drinking to 3 months and after that I hope to extend it to a whole year.

V

[eeks]

When this weekend is over I will have hit the 4 week mark for not drinking. In the past 20 year or so I have NEVER gone that long without having a drop of alcohol. My experience in this time has been a complete revelation. It has really allowed me to question my relationship with alcohol and teach myself that I don’t need alcohol to be myself or have a good time. Here are some of my findings...

I have a better night’s sleep

I wake up earlier in the morning

I feel better throughout the day.

I don’t have mood disturbances and can handle what the day throws at me.

I save money

I don’t feel dehydrated

I don’t suffer head aches

I have MUCH more energy throughout the day

Me and my girlfriend have been doing productive things

All the above in the space of 4 weeks!. There is a great resource available on-line called Hello Sunday Morning (www.hellosundaymorning.org). I also follow an Irish guy on YouTube called Alcohol Mastery (https://www.youtube.com/user/AlcoholMasteryTV). Both of these have provide great support while on this journey. I have extended my non drinking to 3 months and after that I hope to extend it to a whole year.

V

Good for you, Visitor.  I'm particularly impressed (and surprised really) by how easy you have found this change to be, because people often have powerful mental and emotional associations with their habits.  The last time I saw uBPDex, he had not quit drugs but cut back drastically, but he said he had to stop listening to techno (his favourite music genre; he wanted to be a DJ) because he couldn't listen to it without wanting to get high.

Also, I think one of the challenges a lot of people face in changing behaviours is they know it's good for them, but they don't see the benefits right away so it's hard to stick to it.  (Like me and exercise... .I don't need to do it for weight control because I am lucky to have inherited a metabolism that keeps me thin.  However, I've heard it's good for mood, and it's just something you need to do for cardio and general health.  I've always walked to run errands, because I don't own a car, but that wasn't really enough.  I was in a solid regular exercise routine for 3 years, which I knew was good for me for my health, but I didn't see the improvements I was hoping for in mood and anxiety, so I lost discipline.)

So I'm glad you're seeing the improvements in your life already, that gives you motivation to stick to it.

[UndauntedDad]

OK, I just want to add a counter-argument, that for some people, alcohol can be a useful safety valve.  Feel free to bring on your judgment.

I am from a northern latitude, a drinking culture, so I may be biased.  full disclosure, my grandfather was alcoholic but both parents drank regularly, but were not alcoholics, they used alcohol with control.

I understand that many alcoholics deny their problems, that for some there's no safe amount, and also, that for many people, even some drinking leads to bad symptoms.  For me, all I can say is that it is not all bad.  I am worried because of my grandfather and am self-analytic, but I'm pretty sure I'm not alcoholic (maybe 6 drinks a week, not on one night; have stopped for weeks or years with no problems) I don't need it, but some days, it sure is nice.

Yes, it helps me "unwind" or "let go" or "relax," just like the alcoholics' excuses.  Yes, you could argue that there are healthier outlets, I could call a friend or exercise, etc., etc. Hey, it's great to NOT drink!  Teetotalers, you go.  I admire you, like I admire marathon runners.

Maybe I'm just wound too tightly, but as for me, I use alcohol.  Not abuse, but use it carefully, like a sharp tool, with respect.  Like all tools, whether or not it is dangerous is a question of control.

Whatever your choice, cheers!

[Sunfl0wer]

OK, I just want to add a counter-argument, that for some people, alcohol can be a useful safety valve.  Feel free to bring on your judgment.

I am from a northern latitude, a drinking culture, so I may be biased.  full disclosure, my grandfather was alcoholic but both parents drank regularly, but were not alcoholics, they used alcohol with control.

I understand that many alcoholics deny their problems, that for some there's no safe amount, and also, that for many people, even some drinking leads to bad symptoms.  For me, all I can say is that it is not all bad.  I am worried because of my grandfather and am self-analytic, but I'm pretty sure I'm not alcoholic (maybe 6 drinks a week, not on one night; have stopped for weeks or years with no problems) I don't need it, but some days, it sure is nice.

Yes, it helps me "unwind" or "let go" or "relax," just like the alcoholics' excuses.  Yes, you could argue that there are healthier outlets, I could call a friend or exercise, etc., etc. Hey, it's great to NOT drink!  Teetotalers, you go.  I admire you, like I admire marathon runners.

Maybe I'm just wound too tightly, but as for me, I use alcohol.  Not abuse, but use it carefully, like a sharp tool, with respect.  Like all tools, whether or not it is dangerous is a question of control.

Whatever your choice, cheers!

Someone once told me, in regards to quitting smoking:  The people who smoke for recreation and to feel good, are the ones who have an easier time stopping.  It is the ones who smoke to alleviate stress that struggle very much to stop.

I have tested this some by asking people.  And it seems to be mostly accurate so far.

I apply the same thinking around my own drinking.

I try to be mindful of:

Am I drinking to relax, enjoy myself?

Or am I drinking to cover up and escape the bad feelings of stress and anxiety?

I find that when I am doing the latter, is when my drinking becomes a problem for me.

[SGraham]

I don't drink, too many painful memories of others getting drunk so i don't even go down that road. My ex drank, i told her that i wouldn't drink with her and she respected that, thou it didn't stop me from getting stressed when she'd get hammered.

[Herodias]

My stbx drank every night and even started by noon on his days off! It was a constant battle, because the more he drank, the more abusive he became. I am not sure how he is controlling his behavior in his new r/s. He got mad at me for quitting drinking and now has the new g/f drinking with him. He was drinking to extreme when we split up- major hard liquor which would always lead to peeing in the bed. He came over hear one morning at 6am drunk out of his mind. I used to like a cocktail and hope to one day enjoy one once in awhile, but right now I am anti-alcohol, because of all the abuse I endured when he was drunk. He even "played" with guns when drinking and drove drunk. It was really bad. I expect he will continue this pattern as that was why we kept having problems- he refuses to quit. He had one dui and he was lucky not to get anymore. He should have had several. He also did all of his texting other women and friends when he was drunk, I guess he got bored with me. I am soo glad to be away from that part of it. It was very scary at times.

[TheRealJongoBong]

What is your relationship with alcohol?

I have/had a love/hate relationship with alcohol. For a long time I used it to escape bad feelings and bad relationships. I was a heavy drinker during my 1st marriage, half to stay numb from my wife's BPD antics, the other half to stay numb from my own internal feelings.  This pattern continued into my present marriage where I cut way back. I feel a lot better about myself so I don't drink to numb myself anymore. I do still drink occasionally to take a break from my wife and this is not an effective way to deal things. When I cut way back from a drink or two every day to <1 a week I found that the physical addiction part was the worst - there was that thought every 5 minutes to have a drink. If I only have a drink for a day or two in a row followed by several days abstinence the physical addiction doesn't really kick in.

Did your partner drink?

My partners drank, but rarely to excess. When my wife drinks it is a little scary because she has a major personality change - it amplifies her BPD by about 10 fold. Thankfully she doesn't do it very often.

Did your family drink?

My parents drank but not heavily, just at parties and family dinners. My brother was an alcoholic for several years before he died. My other brother and sister are very heavy drinkers these days. My grandmother had 5 brothers - they all drank themselves to death.

Alcohol is mostly a bad thing. It numbs you out but only makes things worse by avoiding them. It poisons your body so you feel terrible a good part of the time. It deadens your brain so even when you're sober you don't think well. Most importantly, even if you realize all this, it gets its hooks into you so that it's very difficult to get away from.

[fromheeltoheal]

OK, I just want to add a counter-argument, that for some people, alcohol can be a useful safety valve.  Feel free to bring on your judgment.

I am from a northern latitude, a drinking culture, so I may be biased.  full disclosure, my grandfather was alcoholic but both parents drank regularly, but were not alcoholics, they used alcohol with control.

I understand that many alcoholics deny their problems, that for some there's no safe amount, and also, that for many people, even some drinking leads to bad symptoms.  For me, all I can say is that it is not all bad.  I am worried because of my grandfather and am self-analytic, but I'm pretty sure I'm not alcoholic (maybe 6 drinks a week, not on one night; have stopped for weeks or years with no problems) I don't need it, but some days, it sure is nice.

Yes, it helps me "unwind" or "let go" or "relax," just like the alcoholics' excuses.  Yes, you could argue that there are healthier outlets, I could call a friend or exercise, etc., etc. Hey, it's great to NOT drink!  Teetotalers, you go.  I admire you, like I admire marathon runners.

Maybe I'm just wound too tightly, but as for me, I use alcohol.  Not abuse, but use it carefully, like a sharp tool, with respect.  Like all tools, whether or not it is dangerous is a question of control.

Whatever your choice, cheers!

Hey, no judgement here, to judge you would be hypocritical anyway, been there, done that.  It is said that people who don't have drinking problems never wonder if they have a problem, they just enjoy what they drink, and when you say

I'm pretty sure I'm not alcoholic

, you're wondering.  You don't have to be an alcoholic to have a problem with alcohol either; anyone can drink themselves into alcohol dependence if they drink enough, and it seems you know that with your focus on control.

If you are wondering a little, it might be fun to decide to not drink for 90 days, just to see what happens; 90 days isn't that long and you can always go back to what you were doing after, and a cool thing during that time is to dig and discover what needs alcohol meets for you, and what other vehicles you could use to meet those needs if you choose.  Whether or not you choose another method of finding your bliss is totally optional, but it's cool to discover other options that might be as or more fulfilling.  

I'm half Scottish, and my Scottish relatives never have a problem that a few pints in a pub can't fix, and they're tough, hearty people, you have to be in that environment.  It's fun to interject the possibility of other ways of problem solving to them, although any judgement will be met with an ass kicking, so it's a good place to practice presentation skills.

[Visitor]

disorderedsociety

Apparently my father was a binge drinker. I drank for a while following my breakup but I wound up getting really emotional. I tried having a .few drinks last night and it made me really depressed. I don't drink any alcohol really anymore

Yes my father was also a binge drinker. He first got me into drinking beer at age 15. Whatever our parents do we tend to think the rest of society do too so of course I thought drinking was the norm.

Alcohol affect the central nervous system and it is a depressant. This is the reason people say they like a glass of wine to “unwind”. That’s ok if you can stop at one glass but I can’t do that. When I get home from work and I am a little stressed or in a bad mood I go for a run or a bike ride. If not that then I just go on a nice long walk. All these things make me think more clearly and feel more confident. There’s a lot to be said for that good old endorphin kick we get through activity. Plus our bodies get healthier through it and our liver is free to detox out system.

Tay25

For 3 years I was heavily addicted to weed, I had a void of a meaningful relationship in my life and this substance helped temporarily fill it. Then when I was with my exBPD, I started drinking also cause she was always starting drama and I didn’t know how to cope.

This may be a bit controversial but from the research I have done and people I know I actually don’t think weed is that bad. I don’t smoke the stuff myself but I can certainly say alcohol is a lot more destructive than marijuana.

However when we broke up it had a massive impact on me and since that day, 8 months ago, I haven't smoked weed at all and I drink .occasionally every 2nd weekend or so with friends.

This is excellent well done. Have you noticed any huge differences in your life because of this?

My whole life my father has been an alcoholic and I even lived alone with him and watched him hit rock bottom when I was in highschool. After seeing what alcoholism can do to people and their families I will never let myself fall into that. I’d rather be depressed or bored then to always have the need to have a drink or smoke.

Yes I think it is a complete fallacy that we need alcohol and cigarettes to help cope with distressing situations or to “unwind”. Alcohol always makes things worse in the long run.

Thank god for my exBPD she really did change my life.

Yes coming into contact with this disorder has certainly helped me to look inside myself. I also had another young girl who left me very suddenly which brought on narcissistic wound. This taught me many lessons about myself. The important this is to take lessons from these experiences  which will build character.

eeks

Good for you, Visitor. I'm particularly impressed (and surprised really) by how easy you have found this change to be, because people often .have powerful mental and emotional associations with their habits. The last time I saw uBPDex, he had not quit drugs but cut back drastically, .but he said he had to stop listening to techno (his favourite music genre; he wanted to be a DJ) because he couldn't listen to it without .wanting to get high. Also, I think one of the challenges a lot of people face in changing behaviours is they know it's good for them, but they don't see the benefits right away so it's hard to stick to it.

One of the first things I did was reprogram how I saw alcohol. It takes some time but I have started to see alcohol for what it really is and that is a chemical like every other drug. The drinks companies make it look sexy on TV but alcohol is ethanol which is also used as fuel and in many cleaning products.

(Like me and exercise... .I don't need to do it for weight control because I am lucky to have inherited a metabolism that keeps me thin. .However, I've heard it's good for mood, and it's just something you need to do for cardio and general health. I've always walked to run .errands, because I don't own a car, but that wasn't really enough. I was in a solid regular exercise routine for 3 years, which I knew was good .for me for my health, but I didn't see the improvements I was hoping for in mood and anxiety, so I lost discipline.)

So I'm glad you're seeing the improvements in your life already, that gives you motivation to stick to it.

Thanks. I really do hope I can stick to it but we’ll see.

UndauntedDad

OK, I just want to add a counter-argument, that for some people, alcohol can be a useful safety valve. Feel free to bring on your judgment.

When I talk about alcohol abstinence or moderation I am talking about a long term life style change. If it is a recent traumatic event then yes it is true, alcohol can appear to help very short term but it only makes things worse in the long run. Alcohol is not a good remedy for any kind of mental anguish and will only exasperate symptoms of depression and anxiety etc.



I am from a northern latitude, a drinking culture, so I may be biased. full disclosure, my grandfather was alcoholic but both parents drank .regularly, but were not alcoholics, they used alcohol with control.

I think it’s a shame that a culture is defined by how much alcohol they consume. My dad was born in island and is half Irish. I think sub-consciously things like this give us permission to drink more.

I understand that many alcoholics deny their problems, that for some there's no safe amount, and also, that for many people, even some .drinking leads to bad symptoms. For me, all I can say is that it is not all bad. I am worried because of my grandfather and am self-analytic, .but I'm pretty sure I'm not alcoholic (maybe 6 drinks a week, not on one night; have stopped for weeks or years with no problems) I don't need it, .but some days, it sure is nice.

Yes, it helps me "unwind" or "let go" or "relax," just like the alcoholics' excuses. Yes, you could argue that there are healthier outlets, I could call a friend or exercise, etc., etc. Hey, it's great to NOT drink! Teetotalers, you go. I admire you, like I admire marathon runners.

Maybe I'm just wound too tightly, but as for me, I use alcohol. Not abuse, but use it carefully, like a sharp tool, with respect. Like all tools, whether or not it is dangerous is a question of control.

Moderation is the goal I am working towards rather than complete abstinence. I have already mentioned it above and will say it again. When you need to “unwind”, alcohol is a very bad choice. I believe it always takes more than it gives.

Whatever your choice, cheers! 

Cheers 

SGraham

I don't drink, too many painful memories of others getting drunk so i don't even go down that road. My ex drank, i told her that i wouldn't .drink with her and she respected that, thou it didn't stop me from getting stressed when she'd get hammered.

My girlfriend was the first person to bring my drinking problem to my attention. Heavy drinking should be a big red flag to anybody and I would now refuse to date any woman who underwent an extreme behavioural change after drinking alcohol. If she doesn’t see it as a problem and has no intention of improving then I’m gone. It’s the only way.


fromheeltoheal

Hey, no judgement here, to judge you would be hypocritical anyway, been there, done that. It is said that people who don't have drinking problems never wonder if they have a problem, they just enjoy what they drink, and when you say I'm pretty sure I'm not alcoholic, you're wondering. You don't have to be an alcoholic to have a problem with alcohol either; anyone can drink themselves into alcohol dependence if they drink enough, and it seems you know that with your focus on control.

Although this wasn’t directed at me I will comment. A lot of people, including myself, put drinkers in two categories. A person is either a social drinker or an alcoholic. The social drinker can span from 1 drink a month to a bottle of wine or 5 beers a day. If it becomes and addiction then you fall into the alcoholic camp.

It’s this kind of thinking along with social norms that cloud peoples vision. I couldn’t see that I had a problem because in my mind having an alcohol problem was to be an alcoholic. It still amazes me that I didn’t see my level of consumption as a problem.

If you are wondering a little, it might be fun to decide to not drink for 90 days, just to see what happens; 90 days isn't that long and you can always go back to what you were doing after, and a cool thing during that time is to dig and discover what needs alcohol meets for you, and what other vehicles you could use to meet those needs if you choose. Whether or not you choose another method of finding your bliss is totally .optional, but it's cool to discover other options that might be as or more fulfilling.

This is great advice that helps many people to observe their relationship with alcohol. I haven’t set 90 days but I said I would do 4 weeks and see how it goes. I just finished 5 weeks yesterday and I am amazed that I still do not miss it. During that 5 weeks I have had 1 glass of wine on two separate occasions to test my control. The first thing I did was not take a gulp as soon as it was put in front of me. I let the glass sit on the table for 5 minutes before I took the first sip. I would only have a sip rather than a gulp and when I put the glass down I would leave it for a long time before taking another sip. What this did was allow my brain to forget it was there. I ended up talking more and eating my food while it sat there.

All this allowed me to ENJOY a glass of wine rather than drinking a bottle to get drunk. These two experiences have truly helped me adjust my relationship with alcohol and this is how I intend to “rewire” my mind to instil control. If I find old habits creeping back in then I will stop it all completely once again. Although, I can’t see this happening. I just went this whole weekend without so much as thinking of having a drink 

I'm half Scottish, and my Scottish relatives never have a problem that a few pints in a pub can't fix, and they're tough, hearty people, you have to be in that environment. It's fun to interject the possibility of other ways of problem solving to them, although any judgement will be met .with an ass kicking, so it's a good place to practice presentation skills.

[fromheeltoheal]

During that 5 weeks I have had 1 glass of wine on two separate occasions to test my control. The first thing I did was not take a gulp as soon as it was put in front of me. I let the glass sit on the table for 5 minutes before I took the first sip. I would only have a sip rather than a gulp and when I put the glass down I would leave it for a long time before taking another sip. What this did was allow my brain to forget it was there. I ended up talking more and eating my food while it sat there.

All this allowed me to ENJOY a glass of wine rather than drinking a bottle to get drunk. These two experiences have truly helped me adjust my relationship with alcohol and this is how I intend to “rewire” my mind to instil control. If I find old habits creeping back in then I will stop it all completely once again. Although, I can’t see this happening. I just went this whole weekend without so much as thinking of having a drink 

Another interesting thing to notice is how your decision-making changes once you start to feel the effects of the alcohol.  I practiced drinking like an 'adult' for a long time, two glasses of wine at dinner and never more, and it worked for a long time, I can even say I enjoyed it, although it was still a little forced self control.  And a few times, when I wasn't having a good day, I'd drink half a glass of wine a little quickly, feel it, whatever emotions I was having felt better, and a very strong urge to dive right in showed up.  Point is, if I started drinking when I wan't doing well emotionally, my resolve would go right out the window as soon as I felt the effects of the booze.  That was more info as to how powerful an effect alcohol has on me, and it never helps and sometimes hurts, best for me to leave it alone entirely.  You're on it Visitor, sounds like you're looking at your relationship with alcohol closely and changing what it means to you, always a good thing whether you continue to drink casually or not.