Why do they turn on the ones who love and are supportive of them?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Why do they turn on those of us who love them?

[Harlygirl]

Why do they turn on those of us who love them?

[scgator]

That was one of the most confusing things for me ever. No matter what I did to show her how much I loved her it was never enough. At one point she started working part time and we used to spend our lunches together. I always asked if she wanted me to stop by and bring food but she always said no. Later, as proof that I didn't love her she said I never came to see her after she went part time. I said I always asked and she always said no. In her mind, I should have just shown up, that would have proved I loved her. Since I didn't I must not love her like I say.

I think the fear of abandonment/fear of engulfment is at the root here. Deep down I don't think she wanted to push me away but that was all she could do when either of the above were triggered. Sheer defense mechanism that she may not even be consciously aware of most of the time. Really bizarre and confusing behavior for sure.

[zundertowz]

Why do they turn on those of us who love them?

I struggle with this question alot... .how can someone turn on you when you did so much for them and there family?  Not only turn on you but then smear your name and try to ruin your life?

[Pretty Woman]

The hardest thing is the damn smear campaign. While they are telling you how much they love you they are telling someone else how awful you treat them.

I am living proof of this.  I work with my ex's sister and she has threatened my job. The worst thing that has ever happened to me was meeting my ex. For certain.

I had the pleasure (ha ha) of meeting my exes ex in 2013. She came to visit and I was very good with them going hiking alone, hanging out... I am not a jealous person. I did go to a comedy club with them and my ex held my hand, kissed me, was affectionate. This other woman (the ex) very cold towards me.

A month later my ex dumps me because I break dinner plans and runs off to another state to be with this woman.  There are so many   I realize now. When my ex told me her ex tried to kiss her... .they did kiss (when she visited) probably also had sex. I was naieve. I was trusting.

I trusted the wrong person.

They are sociopaths. They are consumate liars.

My ex came back to me... .because realistically her job was here... .her ill mom... .here. I truly believe she did this to get back at this ex for dumping her years earlier. The kicker... .this woman was still in a relationship and her GF left her when my ex showed up on the doorstep.

Both myself and her ex were doubly screwed.

The thing is this... .my ex has about three exes that still talk to her. Exes she has ran back and forth to for years. Exes she has left in other states!

I am out of that rotation. Done. Over. Finito.

This is NOT love. You need to realize you were a need. Anyone who LOVES someone doesn't treat them like this. Period.

PW

[Tangy]

That was one of the most confusing things for me ever. No matter what I did to show her how much I loved her it was never enough. At one point she started working part time and we used to spend our lunches together. I always asked if she wanted me to stop by and bring food but she always said no. Later, as proof that I didn't love her she said I never came to see her after she went part time. I said I always asked and she always said no. In her mind, I should have just shown up, that would have proved I loved her. Since I didn't I must not love her like I say.

I think the fear of abandonment/fear of engulfment is at the root here. Deep down I don't think she wanted to push me away but that was all she could do when either of the above were triggered. Sheer defense mechanism that she may not even be consciously aware of most of the time. Really bizarre and confusing behavior for sure.

Weird... .this reminded me or something that happened when I met my ex's parent (who I also suspect may be have some BPD features). We offered to help with the dishes and they screamed at us and said "YOU DONT ASK YOU JUST DO"

[daz_bpd]

I was the ONLY one helping- and supporting her after her family, friends, and other ex's cut her off. Yet, she only ever told me "i didn't care" "I didn't love her", when if i didn't ... WHO DID THEN?

Everything I did for her, it meant nothing to her. She has moved on quickly, moved into another guy's place within one day (likely planned as backup many weeks before), and tells me "she is very happy, and makes him very happy" (likely she hasn't told him yet, about her financial debt, reckless spending and her inability to be honest with anyone around her).

The more i helped the more she seemed to hate me. And i was never ever allowed to voice my own needs or wants EVER. She told me I was 'nagging' when i would try my best to politely and carefully voice my concerns about finances.