Gut feeling

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

It's been 2 months since I parted with my UBPDW in which time I have been strictly NC.

After thinking back on things, and reading on this site about triangulation/cheating, I wish I would have trusted my gut feeling that something was wrong about 22 months ago.

My story is that whilst we lived in another part of Asia, we befriended a couple where the guy was considerably older than his wife who was in fact my ex's best friend.

We had moved to another part of Asia but remained in contact visiting them and going on holidays together.

For some reason, I began to notice one or two interactions occurring with the guy and my ex and at the time thought nothing of it, but as time went by I started to notice other things where they would go missing for about 15 minutes whilst on holiday and even had the guy's wife say to me that they have been gone along time to which I shrugged my shoulders and just said I don't know.

Other little episodes occurred and eventually I confronted my ex about this and asked if anything was going on to which she replied no, what made me more suspicious was her reaction to the question where she started to attack me and threatened to pour boiling water over me and really went over the top in her denial.

I thought at the time that this was not normal behaviour.

I now know that she was having an affair with a married guy in our new city which she is unaware I know and would continually accuse me of having an affair. 

Did anyone else ever experience anything like this and wish they had trusted their gut feeling earlier?

[English Sid]

It's been 2 months since I parted with my UBPDW in which time I have been strictly NC.

After thinking back on things, and reading on this site about triangulation/cheating, I wish I would have trusted my gut feeling that something was wrong about 22 months ago.

My story is that whilst we lived in another part of Asia, we befriended a couple where the guy was considerably older than his wife who was in fact my ex's best friend.

We had moved to another part of Asia but remained in contact visiting them and going on holidays together.

For some reason, I began to notice one or two interactions occurring with the guy and my ex and at the time thought nothing of it, but as time went by I started to notice other things where they would go missing for about 15 minutes whilst on holiday and even had the guy's wife say to me that they have been gone along time to which I shrugged my shoulders and just said I don't know.

Other little episodes occurred and eventually I confronted my ex about this and asked if anything was going on to which she replied no, what made me more suspicious was her reaction to the question where she started to attack me and threatened to pour boiling water over me and really went over the top in her denial.

I thought at the time that this was not normal behaviour.

I now know that she was having an affair with a married guy in our new city which she is unaware I know and would continually accuse me of having an affair. 

Did anyone else ever experience anything like this and wish they had trusted their gut feeling earlier?

[Infern0]

It's been 2 months since I parted with my UBPDW in which time I have been strictly NC.

After thinking back on things, and reading on this site about triangulation/cheating, I wish I would have trusted my gut feeling that something was wrong about 22 months ago.

My story is that whilst we lived in another part of Asia, we befriended a couple where the guy was considerably older than his wife who was in fact my ex's best friend.

We had moved to another part of Asia but remained in contact visiting them and going on holidays together.

For some reason, I began to notice one or two interactions occurring with the guy and my ex and at the time thought nothing of it, but as time went by I started to notice other things where they would go missing for about 15 minutes whilst on holiday and even had the guy's wife say to me that they have been gone along time to which I shrugged my shoulders and just said I don't know.

Other little episodes occurred and eventually I confronted my ex about this and asked if anything was going on to which she replied no, what made me more suspicious was her reaction to the question where she started to attack me and threatened to pour boiling water over me and really went over the top in her denial.

I thought at the time that this was not normal behaviour.

I now know that she was having an affair with a married guy in our new city which she is unaware I know and would continually accuse me of having an affair. 

Did anyone else ever experience anything like this and wish they had trusted their gut feeling earlier?

Oh yeah on many occasions, my gut told me from day 1 that this was a bad idea but i ignored it. When I was replaced my gut told me she was going to do it but i ignored it. etc etc.

Always trust your gut, it is your truth,

[Schermarhorn]

Yep.  My gut was telling me exactly what was going to happen and I kept ignoring it.

[scgator]

It's been 2 months since I parted with my UBPDW in which time I have been strictly NC.

After thinking back on things, and reading on this site about triangulation/cheating, I wish I would have trusted my gut feeling that something was wrong about 22 months ago.

My story is that whilst we lived in another part of Asia, we befriended a couple where the guy was considerably older than his wife who was in fact my ex's best friend.

We had moved to another part of Asia but remained in contact visiting them and going on holidays together.

For some reason, I began to notice one or two interactions occurring with the guy and my ex and at the time thought nothing of it, but as time went by I started to notice other things where they would go missing for about 15 minutes whilst on holiday and even had the guy's wife say to me that they have been gone along time to which I shrugged my shoulders and just said I don't know.

Other little episodes occurred and eventually I confronted my ex about this and asked if anything was going on to which she replied no, what made me more suspicious was her reaction to the question where she started to attack me and threatened to pour boiling water over me and really went over the top in her denial.

I thought at the time that this was not normal behaviour.

I now know that she was having an affair with a married guy in our new city which she is unaware I know and would continually accuse me of having an affair. 

Did anyone else ever experience anything like this and wish they had trusted their gut feeling earlier?

Yep, and I ignored it. She got mad at me and ran off to her exbf, said all he wanted was sex but she didn't cave in. Accusations started about me cheating soon after as did her changing her story to say she did sleep with her exbf. Later she said she just told me that to hurt me. This went on over several months with her changing her attitude and story day to day and week to week. She did/didn't/did and now didn't. I should have trusted my gut because she either did (probably, though she denies yet projected on to me for months about cheating) or she didn't and just said so to manipulate my feelings and hurt me. My gut said "oh oh, what the heck is this?" when she had her first paranoid episode. I should have listened but was pretty enmeshed at that point. Thankfully within a few months of black/white day to day living and eventually being thrown out 2 times in a week, I moved into my own place. The rs dissolved soon after.

[Michelle27]

Yup.  During the worst of the raging years (for 2 years I kept a bag of overnight stuff and work clothes in my car in case I had to flee and I did dozens of times), he started accusing me of cheating on him.  I denied and denied and years later I find out at the time he was carrying on a year long affair with a "friend" of mine.  At the time I didn't know about projection and was definitely stuck in the FOG.  I even dragged us around to 3 different marriage counselors plus a couple's communication course, all of which he later admitted he sabotaged (didn't like each of the marriage counselors and refused to go back after a few sessions and claimed his meds interfered with him understanding the communication course so he spent the whole time making stupid jokes about beer and fishing and even had to be removed from role plays during the course because he couldn't understand what they were asking him to do). 

My gut instinct told me something was wrong big time, but I second guessed it.  One of the biggest lessons I learned in this relationship was learning to listen to my gut.  Always.

[seang]

Just... .yup!

[cloudten]

Yes, I ignored it.

[Lucky Jim]

Sure.  I got into a lot of trouble by ignoring my gut feelings.

To be in a r/s with a pwBPD, I think you almost have to disregard your gut feelings.

No more.  Now I strive to be authentic.

LuckyJim