How to stop lies and family secrets

[Auslaunder]

My father has BPD and he incessantly spreads vicious gossip with his girlfriends, his mother ( my grandmother), and some of my aunts. My immediate family are normal, as well as my cousins, but it is difficult for us to know what is true. He constantly tells people gossip that is untrue but then says it is "secret" and no one must know he told you. Im having difficulty making my sane family understand to never keep his secrets. It feels wrong to tell secrets and gossip but otherwise we don't know how they are trying to manipulate us or what disastrous things they are doing. Help?

[claudiaduffy]

I've actually gotten to the point where I refuse to let my uBPDmom tell me much of anything about any of our family members, unless it's fairly public-knowledge type stuff like "your cousin is getting married next month." My constant explanation to her is that, if someone wants me to know something, they will tell me themselves - and if they don't want me to know, I don't want to hear it. So I end our conversations when she tries to pull the secret-telling crap.