Hello

[SmilesHelp]

Hello,

I'm so glad I found this group! Thank you for being here.  

I've been with my partner for four years. He is wonderful and talented and amazing in so many ways.  I do need help, though, because I'm not sure I can keep going, I'm kinda worn out :D

I've known for a while there was something wrong. I thought, maybe bipolar.  I read a few things online, nothing really fit, though. I described it to one of my friends as Jekyll and Hyde, sweet, wonderful, loving, amazing one minute, and the next, I would say the most routine thing and he would be off the scale angry for no reason, or over-react with so much emotion, out of proportion to the situation. Another friend who knows us, who also has a family member with BPD, told me to check it out. When I read the info. on this web site, it was like ticking off a list, I couldn't believe the description was so accurate, so exactly what I've been experiencing and observing.

If anyone has advice on how to help him consider getting help, or how to help myself for that matter, it is greatly appreciated. Even just being here, reading your posts, is an enormous help, and relief.  He is financially dependent on me, and I'm not sure I can keep this going, but I don't want to push him out with nothing, so anything you can think of will be wonderful. I know it's not his fault, I'm just so tired of walking on eggshells, I feel like I can't be me anymore, I'm so busy trying not to set him off.

Thanks!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[babyducks]

Hi Smiles Help,

  Welcome to the BPD family.

In case you haven 't already found them, I want to point out the links that run along the right hand side of the page.   That is the place to start.   The links lead to other links, honestly you can spend days wandering around in there.   Please jump in from the top and work you way down through them at your leisure.   There is a lot of very good information in there.

What we normally suggest for some one just joining us is to concentrate, for now, on the partner most likely to effect immediate change in the relationship.   That's you.   I know it's not fair to but let me explain the reasoning.   It can be difficult to encourage someone to get help.  BPD is a disorder with a strong shame based component.    Accepting help can be very hard for them to do.   Right now, we are going to encourage you to take care of yourself, and get off those eggshells.     There are tools and skills that can help you.   

You've made a great first step by coming here and posting.   Keep coming back and reading and posting.   Take some time to educate yourself so you know exactly what you are dealing with.   While it's tempting to share your new found information, I will suggest you really want to carefully think that through before you do.

does this make sense?

'ducks

[SmilesHelp]

Thanks, babyducks. This is the first time anything I've been seeing over the last four years makes any sense. I have work to do on myself, for sure, to understand how I came to be where I'm at right now. I think I have no choice but to leave the relationship. I'm wondering how other people manage when the person with BPD is financially dependent? My partner does not work, and has not ever worked, apparently. I didn't know that until I was well into it, and once I did, I never quite had the heart to put him out on the street with nothing. But I don't want to keep things going. So... .feeling like I've got myself pretty stuck, and wondering how others manage this. Maybe I should have posted as new topic? Thank you for the kind words and introduction.