8 months of denial

[disorderedsociety]

I realized today after much misplaced anger that I've been in denial for 8 months, hoping she'll come back or at least contact me. That maybe she knows things better than I do and is somehow right for replacing me.

The truth is she doesn't know the half of what I experienced or even what the best things to do for herself are, let alone any emotional reciprocity.

I had a huge anger/rage moment at work a while ago and had to isolate myself and take it out on my hat and the wall 

Very vague anger but it feels better to have released it. I thought I'd hit the depression stage because of the devastation right after the breakup. Maybe my process is so unlinear because of how jumbled up the dynamic was between us?

[enlighten me]

Hi Disorderedsociety

I can relate to your post. There are five stages of grieving. They are laid out here in the lessons.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.0

They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Even though we roughly follow this pattern I found that I flip flopped between them. I could go from depression back to anger or even back to denial.

They all slowly subside until eventually all you are left with is acceptance. Even though I accept my relationships are over it still doesn't stop me every now and again feeling angry or sad about it.

Hang in there. It does get better. Take it from someone with two uBPD exs. You can get over it but only if you want to.

[disorderedsociety]

Hi Disorderedsociety

I can relate to your post. There are five stages of grieving. They are laid out here in the lessons.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.0

They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Even though we roughly follow this pattern I found that I flip flopped between them. I could go from depression back to anger or even back to denial.

They all slowly subside until eventually all you are left with is acceptance. Even though I accept my relationships are over it still doesn't stop me every now and again feeling angry or sad about it.

Hang in there. It does get better. Take it from someone with two uBPD exs. You can get over it but only if you want to.

Only if you want to? As in... .Some people stay in that attachment indefinitely?

The only thing I feel is unresolved now is knowing how their r/s will play out. It bugs me that they've been together even this long.

[enlighten me]

Some people wont let go. weve all met someone who is bitter about something even years after. ruminating about things for too long only effects you and has no effect on who has hurt you.

As for the replacement. You know how things are with your ex. You know how the little digs, the outbursts, the confusion you went through plays out. The past is a good indicator of the future. Just because a replacement lasts longer doesn't mean that everything is fine and you were the failure. It just means that circumstances are different. Your replacement might not spend as much time with your ex due to work. Maybe your replacement is a doormat that allows themselves to be walked over. Maybe they are NPD and so seem a better fit.

We never know the dynamics of their new relationships but we do know that BPD or not our exs have some major issues that wont miraculously disappear over night.

I was on a countdown with my ex as to when it would implode. It hasn't yet. She has found a happy medium for her. He lives far enough away so she doesn't see him everyday and gets to go away with him without her kids to have fun. Sounds like its working right? Wrong. She has had public blow ups on fb with him and has also had a confrontation by another woman about her messing around with her boyfriend. It is rumoured she's been seeing her landlord on the side.

Just because he's ignorant of her behaviour doesn't mean its not there and one day it will come out.