If you need counselling does that mean your in the wrong r/s?

[Depression = 72% of members]

"If you need counselling, your in the wrong r/s" - this is something a friend said to me recently -what are your thoughts on this? (obviously if you no no major issues before)

[Loosestrife]

"If you need counselling, your in the wrong r/s" - this is something a friend said to me recently -what are your thoughts on this? (obviously if you no no major issues before)

[enlighten me]

I think it depends on the circumstances.

A lot of couples end up in counselling because their relationship stagnates. Sometimes they need this kick up the butt to re-motivate themselves...

Other could be there due to a trauma. Others could be there due to stress from work causing issues.

Its very easy to try and hold things together and take on burdens so that you don't worry loved ones. Bottling things up can cause them to leak elsewhere.

On the other hand if everything should be rosey but there is constant drama then counselling could be a red flag.

[Invictus01]

If you aren't married and don't have kids and all that... .if it is just two of you and you can't talk things out and fix whatever is broken... .that's about right... .

[Darsha500]

Me and my ex did couples counseling within a month of getting together. Many people, upon hearing this, thought, "Couples counseling already?" Others commended us for taking the initiative.

Ultimately I don't think it did much good. However, one thing it did do was reinforce the futility of the relationship, which was one of my goals for seeking therapy. I figured, the therapy would either help us work things out, or reveal to us that their was not much we could do to make our relationship work, even with professional help.

We were given some tips and insights but none of them made a significant difference, IMO.

So, in answer to your question, I think couples counseling can only help to clarify the "rightness/wrongness" of the relationship.

[Michelle27]

Not necessarily.  If both partners are in agreement that there's a problem in the relationship and both are equally wanting to correct those problems and move forward, then I think it's a good thing.  However, when counseling comes about because one partner wants it (because they see a problem) and the other one goes along with it but isn't necessarily committed to making changes, I would assume it's doomed. 

My stbxh came along to 3 different marriage counselors, claimed to want help but sabotaged every attempt (he admitted this years later).  Made excuses what was wrong with each counselor so he didn't have to go back.  Also completely embarassed me at a couple's communication course that was recommended by one counselor. 

[Auslaunder]

I've known married couples that found couples counseling very helpful so it definitely depends. Family counseling for when a child has a behavior problem is especially helpful since that can cause marital strife. My husband needed alcohol rehab so we talked to counselors together regarding that and this is also very therapeutic. As for un married couples or long time cohabiting (if they share finances for example) without children, counseling is likely not the best route. I have heard that some couples choose premarital counseling to discuss issues that will likely come up in the marriage such as debts and finances, which persons employment opportunities and education may take priority in moving the family, and how many children they will have. I think it's not a terrible idea to do this premarital counseling especially for younger people that may not be planning for the future as well but I also think it shows the relationship might have some communications problems.

[Loosestrife]

 sorry, I meant individual counselling for a non

[VanGogh75]

Yes, it does. The wrong r/s, I mean.

My son has been happily married for many years. But, his former long-term SO had BPD, although at the time it was diagnosed as PTSD. They did counseling - nothing changed, except to make him feel even more guilty 'cause she tossed him under the bus for everything.

Now, the good thing about counseling is that is did help HIM - solo. Toward the end of the r/s he had a few lunch appointments (so she didn't know he was going to see a therapist during work days) and it really helped him learn to put up boundaries and distance for perspective.

They broke up and even though it was ugly for a while, she moved on and so did he.

Happy ending for all of us... .

[itgirl]

I never had the need for therapy.  Till recently when I realised I cant do another recycle.  That was my goal.  Now I have learned so much about myself and the issues started way before this relationship.  I am working on those issues and I am much stronger and know myself better.

I say it doesn't mean you are in the wrong relationship.  It can reveal why you got in the relationship the first place... .  cause you had something YOU had to work on. 

best thing I ever did!

[Loosestrife]

I never had the need for therapy.  Till recently when I realised I cant do another recycle.  That was my goal.  Now I have learned so much about myself and the issues started way before this relationship.  I am working on those issues and I am much stronger and know myself better.

I say it doesn't mean you are in the wrong relationship.  It can reveal why you got in the relationship the first place... .  cause you had something YOU had to work on. 

best thing I ever did!

I can relate to this. Thanks