I'm so upset at her behavior but there is nothing I can do?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I gave my BPDex flowers and a note trying to explain why her behaviors made me act a certain way... .And she takes to social media to make fun of the whole ordeal... But there's no getting through to her... No talking , won't see me face to face... Silent treatment ... Everything blocked basically.  I can't do anything , it's her behaviors that push people out of her life. I'm upset that she had to take to social media instead of actually saying something to me. There is no way to show her behaviors without enabling her.  She will just jump to the next guy who will put up with her ___ then rinse repeat.

[problemsolver]

I gave my BPDex flowers and a note trying to explain why her behaviors made me act a certain way... .And she takes to social media to make fun of the whole ordeal... But there's no getting through to her... No talking , won't see me face to face... Silent treatment ... Everything blocked basically.  I can't do anything , it's her behaviors that push people out of her life. I'm upset that she had to take to social media instead of actually saying something to me. There is no way to show her behaviors without enabling her.  She will just jump to the next guy who will put up with her ___ then rinse repeat.

[klacey3]

I gave my BPDex flowers and a note trying to explain why her behaviors made me act a certain way... .And she takes to social media to make fun of the whole ordeal... But there's no getting through to her... No talking , won't see me face to face... Silent treatment ... Everything blocked basically.  I can't do anything , it's her behaviors that push people out of her life. I'm upset that she had to take to social media instead of actually saying something to me. There is no way to show her behaviors without enabling her.  She will just jump to the next guy who will put up with her then rinse repeat.

Hi, I know it can be frustrating to just really try to help them understand that they are so disordered and the pain they cause. Unfortunately there is nothing we can do. They are not capable of the range of emotions and insight a healthy person feels. Maybe one day she will become more self aware.

She has cut contact with you, even though she will probably initiate contact at some point it is best to try and let go of the idea that she will see the light and focus on making yourself happy.

[helpmewithbpd]

I can relate to this,  me and my ex broke up and we were talking fine till she got jealous then things got bad,  said she wanted nothing to do with me and won't talk or anything at all,  if I see her around see says hello but that's it,  she has a little boy that I helped bring up for 6 years and I'm not even aloud to see him,  she said have to accept that they came as a package and they leave as a package,  which goes against everything she ever said about when we broke up and seeing her son,  even after we broke up she said it was ok to see him but once she got jealous of things I have no idea about she completely cut all contact in every way,  she started dating an 18 yo and I'm left blowing in the wind

[Mutt]

Hi problemsolver,

I gave my BPDex flowers and a note trying to explain why her behaviors made me act a certain way... .

Were you trying to patch things up? What do you mean by others may be responsible for how we act or react?

[problemsolver]

Hi problemsolver,

I gave my BPDex flowers and a note trying to explain why her behaviors made me act a certain way... .

Hello Mutt ,

Basically I was attempting to clear my name , or patch things up but what ended up happening was this --》 https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=283472.0

... she ghosted via text serval months ago so I was trying to talk to her about why I kept pushing... but the push pull was down to a "triangle" basically. . All the odd behavior was to avoid being put in an awkward situation where maybe we would have sex or I would find out the truth. 

[Mutt]

Hi problemsolver,

So i msged her ex boyfriend... .bad move ? I guess... .i learned everything plus got a phone call from her


She was having sex with me and her other boyfriend at the same time... .lied about basically everything... .she said I didn't matter at all... her ex boyfriend actually cares about her... .im psychotic , go back to your state , grow up , don't start drama... get over yourself , move on with your life... .you were stalking me a few months ago... blah blah blah... I'm officially the guy in the stories.  Shell Shocked... uning believable... .I was literally shaking on the phone

I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like your ex invalidated you when she said to not start drama, move on with your life and that you didn't matter at all. I can relate with that. I think that I would feel hurt.

Were you trying to extend the olive branch to get her to see things differently?

What would you tell her that would clear your name? Do you mind sharing with us what you would tell her?

[problemsolver]

Hi problemsolver,

So i msged her ex boyfriend... .bad move ? I guess... .i learned everything plus got a phone call from her


She was having sex with me and her other boyfriend at the same time... .lied about basically everything... .she said I didn't matter at all... her ex boyfriend actually cares about her... .im psychotic , go back to your state , grow up , don't start drama... get over yourself , move on with your life... .you were stalking me a few months ago... blah blah blah... I'm officially the guy in the stories.  Shell Shocked... uning believable... .I was literally shaking on the phone

I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like your ex invalidated you when she said to not start drama, move on with your life and that you didn't matter at all. I can relate with that. I think that I would feel hurt.

Were you trying to extend the olive branch to get her to see things differently?

What would you tell her that would clear your name? Do you mind sharing with us what you would tell her?

Yeah I was trying to extend the olive branch... but at the end of the day perhaps the timing was off (new love interest) or I came on too strong... .honestly I was attempting to open her eyes to the fact that even though her boyfriend met her before me (nothing I can control) ... .I still care about her and love her as well. . Like she is acting as if he is the only male in her life who ever loved her ... ( her dad isn't around)... I would start by saying that... Secondly I would tell her if she had been honest with me from the beginning and said "I had an excellent time with you but I feel I want to go back to so and so... " I would of said okay... Instead she hits me with "I like you but I'm not sure" "we won't work" "I love being around you but we won't work" ... Instead of mixed msgs just stone cold truth I would of bowed out... I kept thinking wow she's blocked my # what have I done? Let me try and fix this. . Then she would unblock it for a day or two we'd connect well then blocked again... .I thought it was something I was doing wrong but she was just escalating further with him while pushing me...

So to sum it up I'd say... I care about you, believe me... he's not the only man in the world that cares about you. . Just explain how her behavior confused me... sorry if I overreacted I guess... just a civil conversation would do it for me.

[Mutt]

Instead she hits me with "I like you but I'm not sure" "we won't work" "I love being around you but we won't work" ... Instead of mixed msgs just stone cold truth I would of bowed out... I kept thinking wow she's blocked my # what have I done?

I would feel frustrated with the blocking / unblocking and the ambiguity. It sounds like she's in a committed r/s and you have a triangle. There could be more triangles that we're not aware of? I get the sense that she's testing your emotional attachment. Do you feel like she's testing?

[problemsolver]

Instead she hits me with "I like you but I'm not sure" "we won't work" "I love being around you but we won't work" ... Instead of mixed msgs just stone cold truth I would of bowed out... I kept thinking wow she's blocked my # what have I done?

I would feel frustrated with the blocking / unblocking and the ambiguity. It sounds like she's in a committed r/s and you have a triangle. There could be more triangles that we're not aware of? I get the sense that she's testing your emotional attachment. Do you feel like she's testing?

Well this has come and and gone... the things I'm speaking of are a few months ago... what I unraveled happened all but 2 days ago... but since figuring out the information I am now able to make sense of alot of what was happening. ... but yeah I mean it was a test I suppose of loyalty. . Or attachment I'd say

[Mutt]

Do we need to try harder to prove our loyalty?

You care a lot for her, we can have compassion with boundaries. I would also strongly suggest that we detach to get off the emotional rollercoaster.

Attachment Leads to Suffering.

Detachment Leads to Freedom.

--------------------------------->

[problemsolver]

Do we need to try harder to prove our loyalty?

You care a lot for her, we can have compassion with boundaries. I would also strongly suggest that we detach to get off the emotional rollercoaster.

Attachment Leads to Suffering.

Detachment Leads to Freedom.

--------------------------------->

It's crazy the whole thing has taken me on such a big whirl... .I'm blacker then black... sitting in the danger zone ... of he did this he did that... her word against mine. . Ill take my life lesson and put my head down and move forward... .I was chasing "my girl" but she was in a committed relationship for a few months. . But at the same time strung me along. . I just thought it was some awkward BPD things that were happening. . But nah just another relationship. ... So I tried to apologize like I was the "one" but in reality she had moved on mentally a long time ago... .which has just made me look awful... .she also said something on the phone like you used to grab my arm blah blah. ... i don't know spiteful women are scary to deal with... it's safer to shut up at this point. . I learned everything. . I'll look odd for a few weeks but it will blow over...

[Mutt]

Hi problemsovler,

So I tried to apologize like I was the "one" but in reality she had moved on mentally a long time ago... .

I can relate with you. I had spent some time analyzing my ex and BPD pathology and realized that she had also checked out of the marriage. I understand how painful that can be. I'm sorry that this happened.