From Hero to less than Zero in a Month

[Nextinline]

For those of you that have read my previous posts about dealing with an exuBPDgf you will have no doubt read about the trauma and pain that she has caused me.

The most recent pain came as a result of my finding out that she was still keeping the other guy on the side while she was with me. This I discovered in a restaurant while we were on holidays just a matter of days after I proposed to her and put a beautiful diamond on her finger.

Well we have now been back from that eventful holiday for one month.

Over the course of that month we have exchanged the odd text message and email and I have seen her once for a few minutes for her to give me back some personal items... Most of the texts and emails were initially abusive towards me. In her mind I was to blame for all her misery and unhappiness and it was my fault that the relationship ended as there was nothing going on at all with the other fellow.

So to an extent I placated her rage at me and tried to diffuse it. She has not in any way accepted any responsibility for the collapse of our relationship because in her mind she has done nothing wrong. She even went as far to comment to me in an email that she was seeing no-one and was very much on her own. That email was received less than 2 weeks ago.

So... .I received this frantic telephone call yesterday from one of my closest friends who is still in contact with my ex via Facebook. Apparently over the weekend she announced her engagement to the other fellow and has all of her friends congratulating the pair and making comments as to what a perfect couple they make.

So a little over a month ago this woman was engaged to me. I caught her out in a lie and called her on it. I took the ring back. I then endured all the blame and abuse for being the cause of the relationship failure as there was no one in her life but me. Her lies continued by saying that she was not with him and had no contact with him.

But, then on this last weekend, she announces her engagement to him!

So, my logical mind is trying to find reason in all of this... .and I can't. This is a woman in her mid forties that does not accept responsibility for anything and in the course of a little over a month she gets engaged to 2 men!

So, needless to say that a month ago I was a hero, her fiance and we were to be married. One month later I am lower than zero and she is now happily professing her love for the new man and is happily engaged to him.

Talk about a kick below the belt.

At least this makes it easier to do the total NC now. No more Mr Nice-guy.

[Heldfast]

Please tell me you see the bullet, no, the damn heavy artillery shell, that missed you. You were engaged! It was laser sighted on you, it fired, and it missed!

[Michelle27]

So sorry to hear that.  But, looking for logic where a pwBPD is concerned is kind of a lost cause I think. I wasted a lot of energy for the better part of a decade looking for logic and it's just not there.  Not sure you want to hear this, but perhaps focusing on thanking your lucky stars that you didn't ignore the gut instinct and marry her anyway.  Most of us here ignored that instinct and really wish we hadn't.  Take care.

[Nextinline]

Please tell me you see the bullet, no, the damn heavy artillery shell, that missed you. You were engaged! It was laser sighted on you, it fired, and it missed!

Heldfast... .that is an awesome analogy! Thank you for reminding me that someone or something was looking after me and made this happen to stop me from going forward with this. I would have lost half of everything and she would have done what she could to undermine the relationship such that it would have failed. Yes I have dodged a missile with this.

So sorry to hear that.  But, looking for logic where a pwBPD is concerned is kind of a lost cause I think. I wasted a lot of energy for the better part of a decade looking for logic and it's just not there.  Not sure you want to hear this, but perhaps focusing on thanking your lucky stars that you didn't ignore the gut instinct and marry her anyway.  Most of us here ignored that instinct and really wish we hadn't.  Take care.

Michelle27, thank you for your support. It seems to me that the best thing that could have happened is me finding out about the cheating and the lying. I didn't find it out before I spent a lot of money on a ring but at least I still have that and am endeavouring to sell it. As far as she is concerned she would have no concern or remorse at all that she was happy to go ring shopping with me and just play the game all the way and then stab me in the heart... .and the pocket. It could have been much worse though. I could have lost my home if I had married her!