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Author Topic: WOW seems I got some sort of closure  (Read 352 times)
DestroyedKnight
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 122


« on: September 22, 2015, 10:24:20 AM »

ok so things with my ex were very quiet,too quiet to the point where I knew something was going on so I decided to do some investigating.Turns out on the 18th of this month some bloke had updated his relationship status as in a relationship with my ex although there is nothing on her fb profile so I asked people I know about him and the first words out of their mouths were druggy,ugly ___,weirdo and little rat so given that I have 2 children with this young woman I was naturally concerned for them so I told her my feelings on the matter.Here is the transcript of the text messages between us

She started off by telling me the time and place she was dropping the children off

Me "if I find out your skinny ugly druggy supply is drinking or taking drugs around the kids there will be hell to pay!"

her "there will be neither of that going on around the kids,he has never been in the houise and that's how it is staying and he certainly isn't going near the kids full stop,if and when it does happen it will be on my terms and no time soon"

me "well when I ask about him and the first words I hear are druggy,weirdo I am obviously going to be concerned for the kids,I know you don't have standards anymore and don't care who you're with as long as you are getting your supply but I care about my kids"

her "supply of what? The kids are noty involved I promise you that,they have never seen him and I have never mentioned his name so they know nothing of him.I would never put our kids at risk of anything even more so drink and drugs"

me "obviously you need to know people before jumping into relationships,when people are telling me not so savoury things about him I am bound to be concerned,each to their own I suppose,match made in heaven bless Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)"

ignored me for half an hour

me "drop the children at your mums"

her "you will have to get them earlier than 5 because they have tea and stuff around 5"

me "I will sort their tea out,just drop them at your mums and give me a time and that is how it is going to be from now on.You don't text me about anything,I will get something for our sons birthday.I don't want to see your lying face ever again,you are his problem now"

she basically agreed to the suggestion we do everything neutral in regards to the children

But then after I told her how much she had hurt me she then text me with... .

her "I have done and said nasty things and I won't or don't deny that and no you did not deserve it either and for that I am sorry,you had been there through everything when we were together and still was even after we wasn't and it should have been different and not me acting out this way so I am sorry and really do mean it and not just saying it"

me "seriously thank you for saying that,it really means alot to me,I don't think you realise how strong I have had to be to get through all this and it nearly killed me.I just wish you could have found the strength to work with me rather than seeing me as the enemy when you know I love you and always will do no matter what you choose to do from now on.And I am truly sorry for all the nasty things I ever said to you but I was so angry with you"

her "you had every right to say those things,I was hardly saying or doing the nicest things.Maybe I should have worked but at the time it felt like the right thing to do because I didn't want anything getting worse but how I have acted since shouldn't have been done"

me "no but you know something?,I truly understand I really do.I can see now how I made it so much worser for us both and I played my part in it all too so I don't just blame you for everything"

her "But then I should have spoke and not just kicked you out.Talking is not my strong point,more bottle up until it gets back or sends me bat ___ crazy b___"

me "haha yeah but I still love that bat ___ crazy b___.You have always been able to talk to me about anything which is why I could not handle what you was throwing at me and that is how I made things worse when I should have left you to calm down and I was not listening to you"

her "Guess some things are easier to talk about than others"

me "your problem is you never thought I would understand or listen to what you wanted to tell me when you know deep down in your heart you could have come to me about anything.You were safe with me for a reason"

me "you never had to act or put on a show with me and you know that"

her "that is probably right so I won't question it,Yeah I was safe with you.I wouldn't have moved to be with you after a month of being with you if I wasn't" "I know I didn't need to do that"

I then went on to tell her that I need to keep away from her now while she continues with the choice she has made and told her now that she is with someone else it will make things easier to put things to bed. I told her I love her and always will and said my goodbe to which she replied

"I can't respond to that but you know the truth oodles" oodles was her nickname for me during the 9 years

WOW I was so proud of her,but now I am so jealous of the new guy.Yes he is ugly as sin but he is getting to see the warm loving caring young woman I fell in love with whilst I sit here thinking we should be together working on her getting better and being a family like we were

I cried for ten minutes straight after getting those messages,damn this hurts
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LonelyChild
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 313



« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2015, 10:46:59 AM »

... .

I can see that this is very tough for you - it touched me as well.

However, as I'm not inolved in your situation, perhaps I can see this from a different perspective: Had she TRULY changed, why would she stay with a man that she can't even mention around her kids? A sane thing to do - IF she had TRULY changed - would be to leave that r/s, sit down with you and say "hey, I realize my issues now, I'm going to get help and in the mean time, I'm not going to be dating, but rather focusin on  myself and our children."

To me, I think the whole vibe she gives off of having changed, is a facade to make you THINK she's changed. Why? Baiting. She keeps you attached to her by doing this. A TRUE change would be visible in behavior, not words only.
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DestroyedKnight
***
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 122


« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2015, 10:58:12 AM »

... .

I can see that this is very tough for you - it touched me as well.

However, as I'm not inolved in your situation, perhaps I can see this from a different perspective: Had she TRULY changed, why would she stay with a man that she can't even mention around her kids? A sane thing to do - IF she had TRULY changed - would be to leave that r/s, sit down with you and say "hey, I realize my issues now, I'm going to get help and in the mean time, I'm not going to be dating, but rather focusin on  myself and our children."

To me, I think the whole vibe she gives off of having changed, is a facade to make you THINK she's changed. Why? Baiting. She keeps you attached to her by doing this. A TRUE change would be visible in behavior, not words only.

I am not entirely sure she is in a relationship,she has had that many cyber boyfriends and sex buddies since splitting with I lost track but if she is then good luck to her.I just wish she wouldn't lie to herself and have the courage to work on her issues and actually be able to tell me she loves me rather than painting a different picture to the new guy.I did tell her this and she replied with "you never know what is around the corner"

maybe it is smoke and mirrors who knows but I aint gonna hang around whilst she rubs my nose in it,my god I have witnessed enough bat ___ crazy over the last year to last me a lifetime.In regards to what you said about it being visible in behavior is so true.A few people have asked me if I would ever consider taking her back and the honest answer is not if she does not seek therapy or help.seeing as though she has ridiculed therapists and told me she doesn't need to see one I guess that is me and her over with
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