Help

[mug]

I need help with how to respond

My sister wrote me this email tonight and I don't know how to answer her.

She had a meltdown on Saturday at my daughters brunch party.

And it escalate to the point where she threw a glass of water in my face

And I asked her to leave. She left and I haven't spoken to her since - almost 1 week

So now she emails me this below

I have been her punching bag for 55 years and I am so tired of it

The rage last Saturday came from nowhere.

See letter below:

just want you to know that I am thinking about you.

Not sure what to say other than I'm sorry that we butt heads so much

I am who I am and you are who you are. I guess that's just the way it is.

No matter what I care about you and the girls more than you know.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[Auslaunder]

I'm sorry to hear about your problems with your sister. I hope your daughters party was enjoyable despite the upset. What do you want to communicate to your sister? How do you feel about what happened? Maybe take an inventory of your emotiins first before you write her. If you don't feel ready to write her now, then wait until you feel that you want to. Your sisters email doesn't acknowledge her role in the conflict unfortunately. Im not sure she understands that these conflicts could be avoided. Perhaps you could try to ask her first why she thinks the argument happened and why the two of you fight often. Validate that you understand she feels this and accept responsibility for any portion of it that is truthful. You do not need to accept the portions which are untruthful, just validate the feelings and ignore. She will be more open to listen to you after doing this. Then explain how you think your sister is contributing to the conflict and how this has made you feel or what you wish she would do instead. Don't use accusatory language. Offer her ways it will benefit her to change her behavior, such as a closer relationship with her family for example. A phone call may be more appropriate but you know what will work best.

[AloneAtLast]

Oh brother. They are responsible for their actions.  She knows she did wrong and she is just making sure her narcissistic supply is still available in case she needs to use you.

Let my BPD translator work for you.

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you.  

Oh, I bet she is.  I bet she is wondering is she has blown it with the water in your face.  She knows that is assault and over the top.  She knows. What she is wondering, what she is a little afraid of is "has she really blown it."

Not sure what to say other than I'm sorry that we butt heads so much sad.  The non-apology.  She also admits in print that she is incapable or unwilling to change.  It isn't all my fault that we butt heads.



I am who I am and you are who you are. I guess that's just the way it is. Tell her she is right and that her displays are interfering with your happiness and safety of your family.  Just the way it is.

No matter what I care about you and the girls more than you know. Ah, bring out the violins.  And more importantly you are to love her no matter what.



These people don't change and I don't believe they love.