Always leaving

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi

I have recently been left (again) from my BPD ex. When she leaves its like a bulldozer. She is the happiest person in the world one day and within days she is miserable and I am the cause and the monster and I don't even recognize her. She has proposed to me numerous times, called me the best thing that ever happened to her over and over again just a week ago and then leaves me and our puppy behind. Says she will never look back and how much relief she will feel. And I dont hear from her for a month maybe and then in the past she has come back begging and the cycle begins again. This last time I really believed she wouldnt act up again but she proved me wrong and made me feel like a fool again. I am hurting so much and mostly just shocked. I assume she will be on an alcohol/drug/sex mission now like last times and then when shes on a come down she calls. Its so hurtful and she makes me out to be a monster when really I was working 2 jobs so she didnt have to work at all and everything she wanted, I would support or make happen just to keep her happy and then I get blamed for being controlling and say she can't see her friends bla bla when I am always encouraging her to get in contact. I don't know if she will come back again. She says she won't but she has said this many times before. I don't really know what to do anymore. She is embarressing me and all my family and friends say she is sick and a devil for the things she has done to me. But I always felt like I was helping her and felt there was more to her and believed her every time. What do I do? I can't contact her because shes decided to block me on everything. But that is okay, I dont really have anything new to say to her. I know I have to work on me but it hurts my heart thinking about who she was and who she then suddenly turns into. She was left by her cheating dad and abused as a child. Noone knows about the abuse apart from me and I always encouraged her to get help for it as I know its eating her alive still fifteen years later... How do i get over this?

[trischolz]

Hi

I have recently been left (again) from my BPD ex. When she leaves its like a bulldozer. She is the happiest person in the world one day and within days she is miserable and I am the cause and the monster and I don't even recognize her. She has proposed to me numerous times, called me the best thing that ever happened to her over and over again just a week ago and then leaves me and our puppy behind. Says she will never look back and how much relief she will feel. And I dont hear from her for a month maybe and then in the past she has come back begging and the cycle begins again. This last time I really believed she wouldnt act up again but she proved me wrong and made me feel like a fool again. I am hurting so much and mostly just shocked. I assume she will be on an alcohol/drug/sex mission now like last times and then when shes on a come down she calls. Its so hurtful and she makes me out to be a monster when really I was working 2 jobs so she didnt have to work at all and everything she wanted, I would support or make happen just to keep her happy and then I get blamed for being controlling and say she can't see her friends bla bla when I am always encouraging her to get in contact. I don't know if she will come back again. She says she won't but she has said this many times before. I don't really know what to do anymore. She is embarressing me and all my family and friends say she is sick and a devil for the things she has done to me. But I always felt like I was helping her and felt there was more to her and believed her every time. What do I do? I can't contact her because shes decided to block me on everything. But that is okay, I dont really have anything new to say to her. I know I have to work on me but it hurts my heart thinking about who she was and who she then suddenly turns into. She was left by her cheating dad and abused as a child. Noone knows about the abuse apart from me and I always encouraged her to get help for it as I know its eating her alive still fifteen years later... How do i get over this?

[AsGoodAsItGets]

Wow,  i wounder if we had the same ex.  Everything is the same.  What helped me was finding out all those terrable things that happened to her and im the only one who knows were all lies.  She even told everyone I hit her, and controled her. Well it was real to her, all part of the delousion, illness.  My friends and family said the same thing.  " she's the devil".  I loved her. I still do.  It's not worth hurting yourself. Well, I'm in an new amazing relationship.  I come back and help other's.   The best way I think of it is , in college drugs felt pretty good at times, well just because something feels good doesn't mean It's alway good for you.  And that's what I realized about my ex.  Sorry you are going through this.  Please stay on the board for help.  You can even send me a msg too.  Welcome.

[peter5v10]

Didn't realize until recently but my SO followed a similar pattern.  Whenever the thought of normalcy would set in she would figure out ways to destroy it so she could leave.  She too revealed to me early on that she was abused as a child and abandoned so I kept giving her chances because I took her past into consideration.  Best thing you can do is probably move on.  If there are no kids there's nothing really tying you 2 together.  I know you can't see it now but it may be a blessing.

[Tangy]

Omygoodness you guys ^^^^^

I thought I was writing all of that (minus the drugs, sex binge... .he's pretty straight edge)

Everything would be beautiful and calm and happy (proposed formally once and then asked again less formally) and then... .he would change into a different person and blame me and the relationship... .and then he'd be gone... .and he's been gone for over two months now. This time, if he ever comes back... .I just can't... .