Is he capable of being "sorry"?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Has anyone's BPD ever apologized to them or expressed remorse for their behavior?  I am having a hard time understanding how I could forgive (and apologize) to someone who has done the following things:

Called screaming and raging after I had a seizure and was crying in the hospital. Called me a pig, whore and big baby.

Made me ask permission to call, but freely called me to rage. Made me "earn" back contact on a constant basis. Defriended me on skype and facebook, and restricted me to email. Belittled, patronized and tore me apart for being too needy or emailing too much. Would grant contact privleges then take them away.

Continued for the entire devaluation year to make trip plans then withdraw and block me everywhere a week or two before I was supposed to come. Refused to bring a car to pick me up from the airport in freezing weather. Insisted I pay for everything (hotel, meals, plane ticket) and treat him to the very best. Refused to pay a cent, told me I was a whore and cheap b*tch for not being able to afford it. Made it so impossible to come through his actions and behavior, then blamed each of the 6 cancellations on me.

When he did come last May, he only did so because his buddy was going to be in Las Vegas. He just used me for a place to stay. I waited 6 months to spend time with him, and of the 7 days he stayed 4 of them were spent with his stupid friend (who lived only an hour away and he could see anytime). Raged at for being unreasonable. Physically grabbed and pushed to ground.

Abandoned me, withdrawing all contact just before I was due to have heart surgery. Refused my scared, pleading call the night before, offering only 2 emails. He said I could call or email when I was able, but I was ignored when I tried. By calling, what he meant was I could leave a voicemail (he left room for me to leave one) not actually talk to him. The phone remained blocked. I almost died during this time, yet received no contact in the hospital or sent to my home. He seemed unphased at the seriousness of my situation and called me a liar. According to his internet friend, who was in medical school (and whom has never spoken to or met me), I was not sick but simply making up stories for attention.

Gave me an ultimatum to not speak or hang out with his friends. Even though they actually called to see how I was doing and he knew I was isolated, sick and alone. Always said how "easy" my life was compared to his. Was mean and spiteful when I had some material accomplishment/item (or perceived ability) he envied.

One month after heart surgery  rages at me on speakerphone in front of his friend (yep the Vegas guy). Refuses to speak to me or allow me even a few minutes on the phone for closure. Chats with me briefly on his friend's fb "only as a favor" then 10 minutes later calls back in a rage that makes me collapse (then for the next few hours simply shake in the fetal position and cry) Screaming for over an hour how he is sorry I didnt die and what an awful b*tch and whore. Then tells his friend he feels betrayed, and blocks him too (unblocking only when his friend returned back home to New York from Vegas and was away from me). I text the next day begging for forgiveness and get threatened with police.

Told friend he would never see or speak to me again, despite six earlier attempts that year. Paid for 6 tickets and hotels. Lost money on cancellation fees.  

Smeared me to mutual friends, told them I was a w*ore who abused him, and sold drugs. Also lied that I owed him $6,000 for a minor car accident in a rental car. Said that was why he still hated me 8 years later and was using me this whole time.

Left me off the guest list for his birthday party three years in a row (despite knowing how much it hurt and bothered me). Refused to bring a car to pick me up at the airport coming in from CALIFORNIA but drove one IN A BLIZZARD to the birthday soiree he threw himself in Manhattan. Refused to allow me to come, even as another friend's guest yet invited STRANGERS off the internet he had never even met.

Bailed on plans we had to spend Christmas together, to go to Florida with mommy instead. Made these plans with mommy after I bought my plane ticket. Refused to pay a cent for hotel. Of the 4 days was going to leave me alone in NYC in a bad area) after 2 to go to Florida (but lie to me and say Mom was "sick". Was busted after mutual friend spilled the beans on his plan, so cancelled the whole trip instead, withdrew and sent me a crappy gift instead.

When I finally came to see him that January, he refused to take off work... go in late or come in early... .nope just left me at his house for 17 hours a day while he went to work. Alone. Did not treat me to even a single dinner even though I did laundry and cleaned his house. Found out he went to concert with friend instead.

Ignored and blocked me everywhere and generally became a mean and raging a**hole everytime he made a new friend or got a new job.

There are more... .I am sure I will think of them. But these are just within the past year... .but here I am  like an idiot REACHING OUT and APOLOGIZING yet six months later my misdeeds are  unforgivable.  


Am I wrong these people feel their behavior  justified, that we are always at fault "deserved" it?   Do they ever feel guilt or shame for the hurt they cause?  

I would love to hear others experiences.  

[Beach_Babe]

Has anyone's BPD ever apologized to them or expressed remorse for their behavior?  I am having a hard time understanding how I could forgive (and apologize) to someone who has done the following things:

Called screaming and raging after I had a seizure and was crying in the hospital. Called me a pig, whore and big baby.

Made me ask permission to call, but freely called me to rage. Made me "earn" back contact on a constant basis. Defriended me on skype and facebook, and restricted me to email. Belittled, patronized and tore me apart for being too needy or emailing too much. Would grant contact privleges then take them away.

Continued for the entire devaluation year to make trip plans then withdraw and block me everywhere a week or two before I was supposed to come. Refused to bring a car to pick me up from the airport in freezing weather. Insisted I pay for everything (hotel, meals, plane ticket) and treat him to the very best. Refused to pay a cent, told me I was a whore and cheap b*tch for not being able to afford it. Made it so impossible to come through his actions and behavior, then blamed each of the 6 cancellations on me.

When he did come last May, he only did so because his buddy was going to be in Las Vegas. He just used me for a place to stay. I waited 6 months to spend time with him, and of the 7 days he stayed 4 of them were spent with his stupid friend (who lived only an hour away and he could see anytime). Raged at for being unreasonable. Physically grabbed and pushed to ground.

Abandoned me, withdrawing all contact just before I was due to have heart surgery. Refused my scared, pleading call the night before, offering only 2 emails. He said I could call or email when I was able, but I was ignored when I tried. By calling, what he meant was I could leave a voicemail (he left room for me to leave one) not actually talk to him. The phone remained blocked. I almost died during this time, yet received no contact in the hospital or sent to my home. He seemed unphased at the seriousness of my situation and called me a liar. According to his internet friend, who was in medical school (and whom has never spoken to or met me), I was not sick but simply making up stories for attention.

Gave me an ultimatum to not speak or hang out with his friends. Even though they actually called to see how I was doing and he knew I was isolated, sick and alone. Always said how "easy" my life was compared to his. Was mean and spiteful when I had some material accomplishment/item (or perceived ability) he envied.

One month after heart surgery  rages at me on speakerphone in front of his friend (yep the Vegas guy). Refuses to speak to me or allow me even a few minutes on the phone for closure. Chats with me briefly on his friend's fb "only as a favor" then 10 minutes later calls back in a rage that makes me collapse (then for the next few hours simply shake in the fetal position and cry) Screaming for over an hour how he is sorry I didnt die and what an awful b*tch and whore. Then tells his friend he feels betrayed, and blocks him too (unblocking only when his friend returned back home to New York from Vegas and was away from me). I text the next day begging for forgiveness and get threatened with police.

Told friend he would never see or speak to me again, despite six earlier attempts that year. Paid for 6 tickets and hotels. Lost money on cancellation fees.  

Smeared me to mutual friends, told them I was a w*ore who abused him, and sold drugs. Also lied that I owed him $6,000 for a minor car accident in a rental car. Said that was why he still hated me 8 years later and was using me this whole time.

Left me off the guest list for his birthday party three years in a row (despite knowing how much it hurt and bothered me). Refused to bring a car to pick me up at the airport coming in from CALIFORNIA but drove one IN A BLIZZARD to the birthday soiree he threw himself in Manhattan. Refused to allow me to come, even as another friend's guest yet invited STRANGERS off the internet he had never even met.

Bailed on plans we had to spend Christmas together, to go to Florida with mommy instead. Made these plans with mommy after I bought my plane ticket. Refused to pay a cent for hotel. Of the 4 days was going to leave me alone in NYC in a bad area) after 2 to go to Florida (but lie to me and say Mom was "sick". Was busted after mutual friend spilled the beans on his plan, so cancelled the whole trip instead, withdrew and sent me a crappy gift instead.

When I finally came to see him that January, he refused to take off work... go in late or come in early... .nope just left me at his house for 17 hours a day while he went to work. Alone. Did not treat me to even a single dinner even though I did laundry and cleaned his house. Found out he went to concert with friend instead.

Ignored and blocked me everywhere and generally became a mean and raging a**hole everytime he made a new friend or got a new job.

There are more... .I am sure I will think of them. But these are just within the past year... .but here I am  like an idiot REACHING OUT and APOLOGIZING yet six months later my misdeeds are  unforgivable.  


Am I wrong these people feel their behavior  justified, that we are always at fault "deserved" it?   Do they ever feel guilt or shame for the hurt they cause?  

I would love to hear others experiences.  

[james_s]

I think fleetingly, yes. They are capable of it but they can't handle the responsibility and shame that would come with it so they revert to denial and blame very quickly.

[Beach_Babe]

What was your experience?  Did your ex actually apologize, or just try to recycle?

[Corgicuddler95]

My ex flipped. When I was painted white she would apologise for every little thing, I even remember telling her she shouldn't apologise as much.

The last few months though she won't apologise or take responsibility for serious things like not being there for me when my grandmother died or how she thought it was ok to just break up with me over facebook. She just blames anxiety and doesn't even say sorry for how I feel.

I'd like to think one day she will have a moment of clarity and see how immature she's been acting.

[greenmonkey]

My exgf could never utter the word sorry. She never took responsibility for anything - and I mean anything. She never showed any remorse for the hurt she caused me - even on my birthday that was a landmark one - she was more concerned about her egg sandwich getting cold than apologising.

She blames everyone else for her life although she leaves a trail of destruction and hurt along the way.

Being able to admit you are wrong and apologise for any wrongdoing is a sign of maturity, but it is something she did not have - a child in an adult body, who throws tantrums for failing to get their way and the word sorry does not exist.

[james_s]

What was your experience?  Did your ex actually apologize, or just try to recycle?

During the relationship, very very rarely, she would apologise. And not over the biggest things. I think she only once offered a half hearted sorry for hitting and that took 45 minutes of intense discussion and explanation with the psychologist.

The most interesting part was that when she was trying to recycle at the end (and she really had only one  chance due to outside factors), despite 250 missed calls, threats, begging, pleading, love letters, poetry then hate messages etc. she never apologised.

Has yours every apologised for smaller things?

[hollycat]

My BpdH never apologizes for anything.  He is the terminal victim. In his mind, he does the best he can and everyone, everyone, strangers, family, me, all screw him over.  I learned to not expect any apology, any remorse for any hurtful comment or action. Although he is incredibly bright (Asperger's I think too), "sorry" is not a word in his vocabulary. At least, in how it relates to HIS actions.

[English Sid]

My ex apologised for her behaviour after she left via email, but the apology was shallow and I believe only did this because she thought she may have a chance to recycle at a later date.

[WhoMe51]

My ex would rarely apologize during the relationship.  She said she thought people who apologized were weak.  As the relationship started ending, she started saying she was sorry for things.  I would sometimes ask her what she was apologizing for and she would have to pause and think about it.  I believe she was doing it trying to manipulate me into staying in the relationship.  I don't believe it was heart felt.  She did it for her purpose.  A lot of times she would apologize and then say "but I wouldn't have said/done whatever if you hadn't done/said what you did."

[james_s]

A lot of times she would apologize and then say "but I wouldn't have said/done whatever if you hadn't done/said what you did."

Haha how many times I heard that... .

[toddinrochester]

I remember my first push/pull. I remember her saying "You are pushing me away and tell me that I am pushing you away". I simply asked what was wrong because I noticed a huge difference in how she was treating me. I met her for a movie near her house. I remember getting a dozen roses. I remember sitting in my car and looking down at the roses and thinking to myself "Todd, what the hell are you doing? You did nothing wrong". I remember her walking up to the car and being completely caught off-guard by the roses. I then said these very words "I am sorry for how I handled this. I was wrong". I found I was saying sorry a whole lot after that day, to the point of her saying you are saying "Sorry" a lot. Its like you are walking around on eggshells with me. So many signs... .So many missed opportunities to identify this.

[Teereese]

My ustbxBPDh has the potential to feel sorry but I believe he cannot handle the feelings that go along with truly being sorry.

His apologies, to anyone but me, are generally, "Sorry but if you hadn't/you made me/etc... ."

He was hospitalized at one point after a particularly scary episode that involved chasing a car full of teens  down from in front of our home, across an entire city, all while smashing his car into their vehicle several times, getting out on the street to throw fallen car parts and blows and finally following them to an area where he attempted to physically fight an entire group. The police totally validated him as a hero for helping them by getting more and better intel by doing the craziness.

I was beyond myself, as he had put our family, our home, our safety and security in jeopardy. He came home with the car all smashed and his adrenaline pumping.

Of course, that was one time that he had sucessfully manipulated the police ... .they were white that night, quite useful to him. He was loving it with his chest puffed and diabolical smirk. Generally, the police and any.authority figures are black, as they rarely fell for his attempts, excuses, etc to get out of speeding/traffic tickets, arrests and the like.

The episode was followed by suicide threats then hospitalization, as he could not face his own actions.

While in the hospital, he manipated the situation/staff to get to a phone to call me, say horrible things and blame me for his hospitalization and again threaten suicide, which would be my fault.

The nurses and doctors thought he was the sweetest guy and were "shocked" by his actions. The entire.psych ward was manipulated by him untiI they found out he made that call. He was not supposed to have access to any phones. He is good at what he does. It took several people to take him down and restrain him.

While in the hispital, he told a family member that he would never apologize to me for anything and he has been good to his word.

It took another decade for me out of the FOG and realize I was, and will always be, his target. His disorder and past experience make it impossible for him to see me any other way. 

He refused help via counseling numerous times and walked out on several therapists. The two therapists that really wanted to work with him were "manipulated" by myself and then my 13 year old daughter, in his mind. As soon as they touched on the real issues, he would either fight or flight, never to return.

[sangreal]

In my case I think probably the word she mostly use in her life is "Im sorry". She says shes sorry for even a small random mistake whether its a word mistake, or anything else... .

Its like shes complete perfectionist that one time the automat machine was broken and she lashed out at it as if she broke the machine. She was trying to learn guitar and I play guitar too. When I rechanged her strings that was waiting there for months she said I couldve done it.

When I try to show how to play she says that its best that she can learn on her own, but she doesnt do anything when her own either.

She literally feels sorry for many many things small to larger scale.

This scares me really. Just like how I dont want to be painted white and be seen as a god, I dont want her to feel sorry for many things in life.

I suspect after a huge time that she makes herself feel sorry, she wants to find someone to blame to get it out. Then repeat and feeling sorry for the next 3 months goes on.

This continuous feeling sorry for many things leads to something else. Leads into that the other person is an egoist and this is how she usually vents out, then say shes sorry again and this continues... .

[flourdust]

This is a great question.

In the early years of my marriage, my wife's BPD was milder and the episodes of dysregulation were months apart. It was not uncommon for her to apologize in a joint apology session. Usually, I'd initiate for apologizing for my part in a fight, then she'd do the same, and we'd move on. It was rare but not unheard of for her to initiate an apology on her own -- maybe once or twice a year.

Today, she almost never apologizes, even though her behavior has grown truly abhorrent. She'll threaten suicide in front of our daughter, call me an ass or horrible human being, storm away from the dinner table and drive off ... .and never a word of remorse. I think that she views herself as a victim, so any behavior is justified because I am victimizing her.

Occasionally, she'll have a different kind of dysregulation, where she turns on herself. She'll cry, say she is worthless, and horrible, and can't do anything right. Although this might seem superficially like remorse, I think it's just another side of the victimization coin -- self-pity. She wants reassurance and comfort that those things aren't true, and if she doesn't get that, she'll flip back to anger or to dissociation.

[mitchell16]

mine could say she was sorry but she could never really do any actions to go with it. She would just repeat the same behavior over and over. So she could say the words she either never ment it or understood what she had done. My favorite one of her was when she would say she was sorry and it was all her fault but that I caused her to act a certain way therefore it was my fault too. How is that for shifting responsiblity.

When we broke up and I went NC and walked away for good. She sent a very heartfelt letter, teling me how sorry she was and how sorry it didnt work out. What was amazing when I read it was she said she was sorry for things that was never an issue but completely avoided the things that was the problem, Lying, possible cheating, drinking out of control. Instead she said she was sorry that we lived so far apart and that it put a strain on our relationship that caused us to break up. What the heck! That was never an issue, since I was the one that drove to see her and I never complained I have no clue how she came up with that. Not once did she ever say she was Sorry for lying to me and me catching her numerous times.

So NO I dont think they are really sorry. I think they say the words but have no true understanding of it.

[Lostinkitimat]

another one that really hits home.

my suspected BPD ex does all the things that everyone has mentioned. ive been recently painted black after my ex sending nasty messages threatening me and my family to which I didn't reply. the next day she just started texting as if nothing had happened. I simply asked "are you even capable of apologizing" to which she flipped out . at that point I asked her to not come over for coffee because friends don't treat friends that way? boom painted black. I can only e mail her the times that im going to pick the kids up. she doesn't reply but the kids are ready when I get there so I know she gets them. she did things like this in our relationship but I would always run to her and apologize even when she was in the wrong.

I have to say im ok with it... .its giving me the space I feel I need to reflect on the breakdown of our relationship, to heal, to get my sanity back.

[problemsolver]

I heard her say sorry once... .It was early days my friends were throwing a large party for me and my friends... I told her I would meet her there ... When I got there she was black out drunk... I walked in for 30 seconds picked her up ... Took her home and took care of her all night... She said sorry the next day... But not as if she actually cared... Kind of like I'm sorry , so what's your next move? Almost like a challenge to dump her...

[klacey3]

A lot of times she would apologize and then say "but I wouldn't have said/done whatever if you hadn't done/said what you did."

Haha how many times I heard that... .

Wow I heard the exact same thing on many occasions aswell. Its like they have a manual or something...

"But you are forgetting what you did"

"Im not perfect but neither are you"

"I wouldnr have joined the dating site if you hadn't disrespected me by asking questions I told you not to ask"

I wouldnt have phoned my ex if you hadn't of been such a b*tch"


Hi beach babe, it sounds like you were treated really really horrible and it was awful what your ex put you through. What an interesting question you ask.

I am not really sure whether they feel remorse or truly say sorry. I think they say sorry for the wrong reasons like not wanting to lose attachments. I think they know they do bad things but they just dont care that what they have done is wrong. I cant tell whether they pretend not to understand they were not justified in doing what they did or whether they are aware. At times when they reflect they probably deepdown feel remorse and disgust in themself but they bury these feelings and repress them so they dont have to feel these difficult feelings.

[problemsolver]

I've never met you or this guy... But if you were my sister or daughter I would strongly advise you to get out and count your blessings... It's one thing to be mentally abuse its another thing to be both mentally and physically abusive at the end of the day you deserve better treatment

[fromheeltoheal]

I am having a hard time understanding how I could forgive (and apologize) to someone who has done the following things:

All of the behaviors you list are things he did Beach, and therefore things you had no control over.  We forgive someone for us, it doesn't have to involve whomever we're forgiving at all, and most importantly it's something we control; are you getting closer to taking that control?

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Beach_Babe,

I recently have received an apology from my pwBPD. He was/is incredibly remorseful for the way he has treated me. I was actually surprised to hear from him considering the conversation the last time we spoke.  During our period of NC, he started focusing on his behavior and how it affects others in his life.  He started taking therapy seriously and had an epiphany. 

Many people would be cynical about his path to recovery, but I honestly can tell that he feels horrible for the things he has done. For 3 hours he cried and told me about the shame and self-loathing that he had for behaving the way he did. There were things that I thought he would never take responsibility for, but he did. Although his behaviors were incredibly hurtful, at the end of the conversation I understood why he behaved that way.

I have spent a year of my life blaming myself and being hurt. From the apology, I have learned to forgive myself for all my self-inflicted blame. I thought about whether or not I should forgive him. I chose to accept his apology.

[cyclistIII]

My most recent ex was actually pretty decent at apologizing during the relationship. Then he freaked out and completely shut me out, but when I reached out to him again after a couple of months, I at least got a text back saying he was sorry that he was incapable of hearing me or responding to me right now.

My ex-husband from 12 years ago, however... .I finally ran into him at an event maybe 5 years ago, and then I got a Facebook message that basically said, "You looked upset; don't be upset; I don't really remember what happened in our relationship, but if I wronged you I'm sorry, and if you wronged me I forgive you; also please don't contact me bye."

[Michelle27]

This is a great question.

In the early years of my marriage, my wife's BPD was milder and the episodes of dysregulation were months apart. It was not uncommon for her to apologize in a joint apology session. Usually, I'd initiate for apologizing for my part in a fight, then she'd do the same, and we'd move on. It was rare but not unheard of for her to initiate an apology on her own -- maybe once or twice a year.

Today, she almost never apologizes, even though her behavior has grown truly abhorrent. She'll threaten suicide in front of our daughter, call me an ass or horrible human being, storm away from the dinner table and drive off ... .and never a word of remorse. I think that she views herself as a victim, so any behavior is justified because I am victimizing her.

Occasionally, she'll have a different kind of dysregulation, where she turns on herself. She'll cry, say she is worthless, and horrible, and can't do anything right. Although this might seem superficially like remorse, I think it's just another side of the victimization coin -- self-pity. She wants reassurance and comfort that those things aren't true, and if she doesn't get that, she'll flip back to anger or to dissociation.

Oh my goodness, my stbxh also had that last kind of dysregulation the last few years I was with him.  It would always follow a rage and until reading this post, I never thought of it as a dysregulation but that's exactly what it is.  I could never understand it, and now that I've read this, he was absolutely looking for my reassurance, and 9 times out of 10 he got it.  Damn.

[flourdust]

Occasionally, she'll have a different kind of dysregulation, where she turns on herself. She'll cry, say she is worthless, and horrible, and can't do anything right. Although this might seem superficially like remorse, I think it's just another side of the victimization coin -- self-pity. She wants reassurance and comfort that those things aren't true, and if she doesn't get that, she'll flip back to anger or to dissociation.

Oh my goodness, my stbxh also had that last kind of dysregulation the last few years I was with him.  It would always follow a rage and until reading this post, I never thought of it as a dysregulation but that's exactly what it is.  I could never understand it, and now that I've read this, he was absolutely looking for my reassurance, and 9 times out of 10 he got it.  Damn.

Yes, I used to do the same! I'd think, "OK, she's showing some remorse, some understanding that's she responsible for what did did -- this is good. Hmm, now she's going a bit over the top -- now she's claiming to be the worst person on Earth. I'd better reassure her that it's not that bad."

I no longer rise to the bait. If she starts calling herself terrible things, I'll say "That's not true" and leave it be. I won't engage.

[F50Lurker]

Oh honey.  Get the h*ll away from that guy. Never look back.

[Beach_Babe]

Maybe I just wasnt good enough? Maybe I pushed him away and was the abuser like he said.  Its so hard for me to make friends and I feel so isolated. I can't replace him. People view me as abnormal; maybe thats why im having such a difficult time.

[Mutt]

Hi Beach_Babe,

I think it's important that we don't hang on to the words that our ex partners said, words like we're the abuser. I can relate with feeling confused with what was said about me, I was told similar things.

It helps to separate ourselves from projection and other peoples feelings, his opinion doesn't define your reality. We're not responsible for how someone else feels.

Devaluing is the BPD going into the punitive parent role to switch up the control ~ control was relinquished in the idealisation phase so we will attach. The further along we get in the rs ~ the BPD then feels like we are the persecutor for their failing part time self ~ devalue. Devaluing is more about projection ~ because there failing self makes them feel woeful, scared, fearful.

PERSPECTIVES: From idealization to devaluation - why we struggle

Are you worried that you're not going to find somebody else?

[valet]

I'm with Mutt here.

In my experience with my pwBPD, I can say that... .I have almost seen and heard it all. Nothing about who your ex is defines who you are. This comes with time, however. Unfortunately, it takes experience with a situation to learn how to depersonalize it.

Why do you think that you have this desire to understand your pwBPD, Beach?

[Beach_Babe]

Corgi:  I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. She abandoned you at a time like that? How awful! What was her reasoning why?

greenmonkey:  Really? On your birthday?

james: mine used to apologize, but not take blame. "Im sorry but I wouldn't have ____. if you ______.   

My BpdH never apologizes for anything.  He is the terminal victim. In his mind, he does the best he can and everyone, everyone, strangers, family, me, all screw him over.  I learned to not expect any apology, any remorse for any hurtful comment or action. Although he is incredibly bright (Asperger's I think too), "sorry" is not a word in his vocabulary. At least, in how it relates to HIS actions.

My ex is Aspergers also (and probably NPD). This is exactly how mine used to act as well.  So, did yours ever feel remorse for hurting you?

EnglishSid: so,did she end up trying to recycle at a later date?

Whome?: that sounds very manipulative. Did you recognize that at the time?

todd:  I can relate to what you are saying. Was it only you apologizing? Was she EVER sorry? 

[Beach_Babe]

Teeresse:  Ok that has to be one of the craziest stories i've heard. How long was he able to fool the hospital staff before they realized there was something wrong?

sangreal: so essentially you are saying she is a professional victim?

flourdust:  Mine started out like yours too; would self injure and horribly berate himself. It wasnt until years later I realized he only did this when there was an audience. Was yours the same?

Mitchell: funny you mention that. Towards the end, mine told "I am sorry I met someone abusive like you.". Apparently that was his only regret. Crazy isn't it?

Lost: Oh mine loved to punish me too. I believe that is more a NPD trait. That is great you were able to stop blaming yourself. I want to feel "ok" with this too. How long did the process take you?

problemsolver: the ONLY time?  Yikes that sucks. How long were you together?

FromHeeltoheel: yes I do believe I am getting closer now. He is ill, I forgive him. It just makes me sad his inability to extend the same.