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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Engaged one month after breakup  (Read 591 times)
stacma04
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 77



« on: October 16, 2015, 05:46:26 AM »

Ex and I were NC for several months during which he started seeing someone else. He then breaks up with the OW and we get back together . We of course break up again and within one month he's engaged. we were together for about 2 years always talked about marriage etc. prior to our break up with were looking at wedding rings etc. what could it be about the other person that makes them take that step into getting engaged , which they couldn't do with us? Even if they have been with this person for several months, does that mean they are in love with them that's why they want to marry them?  Is that even normal ?  Just trying to understand the behaviour
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AsGoodAsItGets
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 173


« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2015, 06:54:54 AM »

I may be getting a ring for my girlfriend soon.   So six months after a bu,  .  So do I love her more, no but less triggers, more compatible, more.  That's all I got.
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stacma04
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 77



« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2015, 08:55:19 AM »

Just felt like I really never stood chance with him. It was over before it even began. Wish he would have stayed away from me and not come back to fill my head up with crap and leave again. It just seems so mean and deliberate.
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jeffro
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: seperated
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« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2015, 07:34:03 PM »

they want the day think it makes them feel more normal and more to control them once they get that ring on there finger it means nothing to them
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OnceConfused
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 4505


« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2015, 07:40:42 PM »

be happy for him. Be happy for yourself for dodging a real bullet.

Knowing who he is now, would you want to be in this new girl's shoes? Hopefully, NOT.

Wish him and her well for she can hardly wait for his BPD to come along.
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Creativum
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 91


« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2015, 11:54:59 AM »

One thing I do know about BPD from loots of experience as the SO of a pwBPD ... .is that they are particularly impulsive after a break up.  They might run amok and self-destruct (bar fights, for example), they might start using substances more heavily, they might immediately begin a new relationship, or they will engage in a lot of sex.

The problem for the pwBPD and their new love interest is that the relationship develops sometimes even faster than the one they just left.  They need anything to help stave off the abandonment from the previous relationship (even if they ended it) and to get that "fix" to temporary fill the void left behind.  This is pretty normal for "active" BPD.  I wouldn't count on it lasting longer than your relationship did.
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