Changing the relationship

[foggydew]

BPD friend moved away to a new job, back to the area he came from. At first he missed me a lot and wanted me to be there frequently; however, as I expected and actually hoped, he is becoming more integrated. I don't know if he can keep it up, but he is trying. His family want him to find a suitable partner and become normal.

I'm not a suitable partner - I'm too old, though he has told me innumerable times that he hates the age difference between us. Even suggested marriage. But I try to be the responsible one. So our relationship has to change (it has actually changed a lot already). But I am finding it really difficult to let go and yet be there to offer the support he may need - his new situation is still very precarious.

Life seems so empty now. No matter what I do, I don't seem able to find anyone or anything to fill the gap left.

I've put this in the staying board because I am staying around, albeit in a different way. I just have to write, tell someone about it, because  I can't talk to anyone else.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

I remember your story, glad to see that you sound more accepting of the path you have chosen.

I guess there is a little grief for the loss of what was, or could have been.

Realigning you thoughts away from a person as well as all the difficulties this disorder brings is like moving back into a different mindset, that takes time.

Staying at arms length from a pwBPD is not easy once you have been close as they find that transition even harder, maybe even impossible to cope with. Often they find it impossible to move on without burning bridges behind them or their indecision causes them to want to turn back again.

[foggydew]

Thanks, Waverider. Feeling understood helps a lot. Actually, he kind of crept in after my husband died, so what I am now facing is a bit more than it should be... .really alone for the first time, and no-one to take up the slack. It kind of gave me something to concentrate on... fix, after trying to keep my husband alive and failing. Seems to be what I do in life... because I can, Or could.