I didn't really see this coming.. I'm scared as this has never happened to me.

[Depression = 72% of members]

I mentioned on Thursday I saw my BPDex at an event I attended with friends... I Didn't say a word... A few glances both ways that's all that I thought at least?... Today was what we can call part 2 of the previous event on Thursday... Last time I saw her / got closure from her ex was in mid September... 0 communication since then... So today I arrive at the event 15 mins late... As I walk in she immediately leaves... I was confused bur thought nothing of it? She comes back to the event lets say 45 mins later. I leave for work after about 15 minutes... We exchange some glances but I say nothing.  I'm speaking to my friends grandfather... 30 mins after I leave and arrive at work guess what?

Ring Ring... Police department were doing an investigation and your name popped up... I was what the heck? What is this about . Oh we can't disclose that can you come into the station? I said I'm at work what's this about?... He said its better if we meet face to face? I did not sign up for this $hit... Feelings = reality? I am stalker her for being at a public event? Do I have to meet with this man? If I explained BPD and what not would anything even change? Like are their warnings. Before POs? Or RO? I don't know what its about I may be jumping the gun but what else could it be? Help?

[problemsolver]

I mentioned on Thursday I saw my BPDex at an event I attended with friends... I Didn't say a word... A few glances both ways that's all that I thought at least?... Today was what we can call part 2 of the previous event on Thursday... Last time I saw her / got closure from her ex was in mid September... 0 communication since then... So today I arrive at the event 15 mins late... As I walk in she immediately leaves... I was confused bur thought nothing of it? She comes back to the event lets say 45 mins later. I leave for work after about 15 minutes... We exchange some glances but I say nothing.  I'm speaking to my friends grandfather... 30 mins after I leave and arrive at work guess what?

Ring Ring... Police department were doing an investigation and your name popped up... I was what the heck? What is this about . Oh we can't disclose that can you come into the station? I said I'm at work what's this about?... He said its better if we meet face to face? I did not sign up for this $hit... Feelings = reality? I am stalker her for being at a public event? Do I have to meet with this man? If I explained BPD and what not would anything even change? Like are their warnings. Before POs? Or RO? I don't know what its about I may be jumping the gun but what else could it be? Help?

[Michelle27]

I'm sorry this is happening to you.  I read stories like this too often on this site and I'm sure it happens altogether too often.  I can sympathize as in September I got a visit from a police officer myself when my ex who I have had no contact with for months apart from one email about our separation claimed he had been threatened.  A friend of mine HAD called him and left a not very nice message about him being abusive to me and our daughter as well as calling him out on a huge lie we had discovered after our separation (he claimed for 15 years he had been a pilot and had told many stories about his flying days... .turns out, nope, he worked for an airline for 20 plus years... .as a cleaner... .never was a pilot). 

Hang in there.  My experience with the officer wasn't good... .trying to explain BPD and the craziness of it all I'm pretty sure made me look crazier. LOL

[problemsolver]

I'm sorry this is happening to you.  I read stories like this too often on this site and I'm sure it happens altogether too often.  I can sympathize as in September I got a visit from a police officer myself when my ex who I have had no contact with for months apart from one email about our separation claimed he had been threatened.  A friend of mine HAD called him and left a not very nice message about him being abusive to me and our daughter as well as calling him out on a huge lie we had discovered after our separation (he claimed for 15 years he had been a pilot and had told many stories about his flying days... .turns out, nope, he worked for an airline for 20 plus years... .as a cleaner... .never was a pilot). 

Hang in there.  My experience with the officer wasn't good... .trying to explain BPD and the craziness of it all I'm pretty sure made me look crazier. LOL

she filed a police report saying I have been stalking her for one full year and that I made threats to her ex boyfriend I'm honestly shaking... The officer said the story didn't make sense to him but I need to fill in the blanks.

[rickdeckard]

Hi, PS.

Cooperate with the police. Be honest and truthful with them. And keep it to the facts.

"Yes, I said this, no I did not say this, this is what I said/did" etc.

By M27's experience (and mine) DONT offer info such as "she has BPD" or "she is crazy". These are subjective, and when you think about it, make you look worse - like the 'crazy' one going on about things which the officer has no understanding... .

A report was filed, the police have a job to do. They are not allowed to ignore these reports, they must follow up on them. The officer has already said it doesn't make sense, that's kind of a hint. The 'facts' they have received (from your ex) have some kind of flaw. They want to ask you to fill in the blanks because something is wrong with the info they have, and they know it. They aren't out to get you... .they are doing what they are supposed to.

Be open, and honest and tell them the facts of anything that happened. If you are nervous, tell them why - most of us are not used to being questioned by the police. It isn't a sign of guilt, it's a sign of being in a very unfamiliar and intimidating situation.

Take care,

RD

[problemsolver]

I'm f**** exhausted... .I worked all day drove to the station I haven't ate... Or anything. The police said " you filled in so many gaps ... I may charge her, her story didn't make sense... She said yall were never together then at the end of the police report she wrote he would try and get back with me" ... Just that little slip up was enough for him to raise his eyebrows... I showed him pictures, videos , nudes... She said we never once had sex and I was a shoulder to cry on... The only thing scarier then her police report... Is if she actually believes her police report... .I'm sorry to all those wanting a recycle but **** that I'm okay now.

[JRT]

It seems to be a common theme with BPD's, the cops and lawyers. The anecdotes are all over this board. Mine has leverage both (including as a consequence of me trying to contact her the DAY OF the breakup) to threaten filing a PPO against me. At first, I was very upset thinking that she might somehow prevail, but after each episode (including a call from the cops at the beginning of this month out of the blue - my last contact was via text 3 months ago!), I began to assert my position and innocence more assertively to the extent that I think she got an earful from the cops. Even so, I don't think that she actually really intended to follow through on a PPO, its odd; almost like she was going to the cops or lawyers so that they would make a warning call to me, nothing more.

Not sure what state that you are in, but I cannot see it being much different than it is here: you must be in imminent threat for danger of physical violence and/or have a documented history of violence in the past for any judge to take her seriously. You showing up to a public event with no legal restriction imposed is NOT grounds for a RO. Breathe easy.

But at the same time I realize how painful and confusing it is to know that someone who used to care about you in such a profound way would now be doing this to you, its like a big kick in the teeth (on TOP of everything else!). Sorry that you are going through this. 

[enlighten me]

Hi Problemsolver

Im sorry you've had to go through this. My biggest concern is that she may do this again but with someone else and the next time she will have learnt from her mistakes and could be more convincing.

Is there anyway if the police don't charge her that her actions would be kept on record? I don't know how the police work with this sort of thing whether or not they will keep it or just get rid of it.

My other concern is that as the police route hasn't worked will she try something else? Could she try and cause trouble at work? Im not sure but was it you who was called into your boss about a her? If it was then the police pressing charges against her could show your boss that it is her causing the trouble and you are the innocent victim.

[problemsolver]

Hi Problemsolver

Im sorry you've had to go through this. My biggest concern is that she may do this again but with someone else and the next time she will have learnt from her mistakes and could be more convincing.

Is there anyway if the police don't charge her that her actions would be kept on record? I don't know how the police work with this sort of thing whether or not they will keep it or just get rid of it.

My other concern is that as the police route hasn't worked will she try something else? Could she try and cause trouble at work? Im not sure but was it you who was called into your boss about a her? If it was then the police pressing charges against her could show your boss that it is her causing the trouble and you are the innocent victim.

Sorry if I was unclear no this isn't work related... And she filed it. The cop was actually p**** off. He said if she gives him attitude he will press charges because her story had far too many holes ... Her story was about 2% true. He said with the information I left she will have no counter... But I don't know I'm not home free yet... I have to wait till tomorrow at 3 to hear the verdict.

[OnceConfused]

it is simply just crazy with BPD. My xBPDgf was very flirtatious with men, so this guy coming over to lay carpet in her house. Of course, she gave him the impression "SHE WAS A PLAYER". She helped him a little bit while he was putting down the carpet. Listen to this, when she gave him the check for the work, she yanked it back and said she would call the police for sexual attack. He got so afraid , took off, and she came away with the carpet installed FREE.

That was scary.

[OnceConfused]

Another thought about preventing her from doing the same to you later.

Check with the police to see if you can file a counter restrained order. This way she will know that you are not a force to be reckconed with. The best defense is offense.

[OnceConfused]

another thought:

see if the police or you can file a charge for false reporting.

[cloudten]

I would absolutely file a counter restraining order... .and if possible file a charge for false reporting.

Hopefully you have kept all of your voicemails and emails and texts of her threats and lies... .even if they were years ago.

I recently found out my own hard way that the police are absolutely my friend in this. Tell the truth... .always tell the truth. Present your evidence the best you can. File a report on the abuse you incurred. Protect yourself.

Unfortunately, if she was awarded a restraining order and you two "bump" into each other at an event... .public or not... .she can (and will) call the police. So, its probably best to change your predictable places for a while. You might have to avoid situations you could bump into her.

Now, if you can get awarded a restraining order, and she DOESN'T have a restraining order against you, THEN you can still keep your life with all the predictable places... .and the tables turn... .you get to call the cops on her (and you absolutely should or its simply a piece of paper).

I recently got my own PFA order in Pennsylvania. It wasn't that hard other than I did have to see him in court. And it absolutely protects me in every way. They even took his gun. if he so much as texts me "hi"... .he gets put in jail for 6 months.  (I secretly hope he violates it).

Don't be afraid to talk with the police. Bring a lawyer if you think you need one. but be polite and friendly, intelligent and smile... .and tell the truth... .and I think you will realize that the police will recognize the crazy right away. They are trained to determine the truth... .and believe it or not... .even though we were snowed pretty good by the BPD... ..they aren't as snowed. Keep us posted!

[cloudten]

Oh- and the good news is- unless you actually bother her and break the restraining order- she has to have rock solid proof that you are stalking her. If she has no evidence, it will get thrown out of court if she ever invokes the order and you have truly not bothered her.

[Mutt]

Hi problemsolver,

I agree with rickdeckard that cops have to follow up on a complaint and it sounds like BPD distortions. The cop is picking up that there's something wrong, today may be a stressful day, let things play out and keep your cool.

My guess is that she may of called the cops to triangulate you. You got your closure, things are likely too emotional for your ex and she's not ready, you may want to rethink seeing your ex face to face for now.