MrHumanPerson
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: No contact for a year
Posts: 1
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« on: November 18, 2015, 11:34:09 PM » |
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I recognize so much of what I read here and feel incredibly grateful To have found a corner of a vast, cold vacuum of darkness I couldn't begin to fathom as it played out and nearly destroyed me over three years.
I saw her picture of this stunning creature, followed her on social media and she responded immediately.
In no time at all I looked forward to our brief exchanges. She lived in England and had been severely injured during a club tussle. As she explained it a security guard became a bit too familiar and she asked him to stop, he persisted and when she tried to flee he pushed her and she flew down a flight of stairs, breaking her shoulder and collarbone. The club personnel moved her to the office and, rather than risk a potential PR nightmare by callimh an ambulance they called a taxi that took her to the hospital.
I tell you this story because in the three years we were together she never elaborated on any of the details - other than the fact that she charged the guard (an imposing black man) with assault, went to trial in front of an all female jury and, within a day or two, the guard was cleared of all charges.
This was south London. A black man attacked and chased a diminutive white woman, pushed her down a flight of stairs and a group of women sided with the defendant.
She sued the club itself for negligence and told me she'd won that case and the barristers were settling on a fair reward.
At the time I was being sued myself - a former friend had stolen an idea, hired a terrific attorney and beat me up pretty good. These cases rarely go to trial because idea theft is very tricky and the burden is on the defendant. I knew I'd lose but I chose an amount I could afford and was proud to fight for the right thing. Oddly enough, my BPD was brilliantly helpful and even though I lost, I got further than I would have without her sharp mind.
Here's the obvious rub, looking back - I told her everything - she had full access, not just to the facts of my case but to my life. I wanted to prove my love to her - and as most of you have experienced, this is not the world they inhabit. My openness - and delivering on all of the demands she made - never led to a single fact about how she managed to lose her case - and furthermore warned me not to ask. She told me that she had suffered PTSD and wasn't willing to risk my using sensitive allegations and information from her trial.
It was nonsense of course. I'd been torn up the same way by the opposing attorney in my case. It's standard dog fight stuff.
And it made me wonder if my initial instincts about her might actually be true. A former model moves to LA and her manager is a shifty guy who sends her to meetings at restaurants. She complains to me - but I think she was too smart to expect anything but what was happening. She told me a few girls at her agency were escorting. I suspected from the start that she might be doing the same - and of course, I felt I could save her. Within a month she moved to NYC into my home.
I thought if won the lottery - I must have been wrong about everything I suspected. She fixed up my home in a matter of days. She seemed to have a genius for this kind of thing. If come home and a room would be painted and set up perfectly. Naturally the sex was beyond explosive.
I noticed she like it a tad rough but even what struck me as odd was when she'd whisper "tell me you love me" as though the words, not the meaning behind them, were enough.
The following year was a progressive spiral of antagonism, silent treatments and punishments - and I honestly felt she might kill my dog. She didn't like that I payed attention to my dog. She was put off the bed because dogs don't belong on the bed.
Recently I found pictures she'd sent of her dog on her bed back in England.
What killed me was the triangulation - the insinuation of one guy in particular - which led to an outright lie. I believe she wanted to marry me - perhaps out of mad love, perhaps for a visa - or some combination of the two - and toward the end I believe she wrote letters to herself from this other guy, told me he'd proposed to her. And that she'd filed a police report against him.
She offered to explain everything - including why this guy was in her life six months after telling me he no longer was.
I had moved out of my NYC apartment and we were two weeks away from moving to LA. I kept reminding her about her offer to explain her dishonesty and for a month she said nothing. Until she told me to choose between our future and her offer.
I just stopped talking to her. I realized I was being asked to accept her broken promise - the opposite of the unconditional love she claimed to have for me. She was proposing a condition that offered her peace of mind at my expense - and I decided to go no contact exactly one year ago.
Her emails were firey hate spears - and eventually my silence sunk in. The man she'd spent three years grooming wasn't playing.
You'd think I'd be okay - and I suppose that's what I am. I'd put on sixty pounds and lost it in two months, I rebuilt myself.
Why do I miss her? Why do I still feel as though I could prove my case and find what we had?
A year seems outrageous but here I am writing on this forum - sharing it and sending it out as a prayer for my sanity - my release from the painful obsession of tender moments that negate the truth - I spent a year living with an empty Pringles can who probably doesn't think of me at all. I feel pathetic when I don't fight - so I fight and keep fighting but a year.
Does anyone relate?
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