Advice needed. Exchange of possessions

[kyon147]

Hi All

As some of you know, about 3 weeks ago me and my uBPDxgf broke up. At the time we were together I hosted her blog on my domain for like 3 years and still do.

Now we have split up and she got with someone else like a day later, the only thing she keeps texting me for now is the website or like a drama bit between her and my friend.

I am not sure what to do. I don't want to deal with her anymore, all her messages just scream to pull me back into communication with her.

Should i just continue to ignore her, and she should come to terms with the face she cant get her own way with me anymore and should not expect me to jump at the chance to sort the website out for her so she can continue to use it.

Oh just to note, she has my expensive usb microphone, expensive tooth brush and a couple bits. I have just gotten to the point where they are lost forever. Even if i give her this site she probably wont give me my stuff.

[C.Stein]

Do a backup of the database, if there is one.  Zip up the site, put the DB dump into the zip file and send her a link to it.  I assume you created a sub-domain for her, so tell her you will leave it active until she gets a new domain of her own.   Once she does put up a redirect and tell her you will leave it in place for whatever time you are comfortable with, but after that time is over you will delete the sub-domain.

[kyon147]

So i said domain, I mean server.

I have her domain and site.

The thing I dont want to talk to her but I also know this will keep her always having a reason to come back. Should i just reply to her saying I will do it when I have the time. That is it.

[C.Stein]

So i said domain, I mean server.

I have her domain and site.

The thing I dont want to talk to her but I also know this will keep her always having a reason to come back. Should i just reply to her saying I will do it when I have the time. That is it.

You need to cut ties if you are done with her.  The longer you drag this out, the longer you will need to deal with it.  Tell her to get her own server then release the domain or transfer it to her new server for her.  Or to make matters easier, do the transfer of the domain and website for her.  

The other option is, if it is just a personal blog site then it probably wouldn't be the end of the world if it just disappeared.  

Is the domain in your name or did you just park it on your server?

[kyon147]

So i said domain, I mean server.

I have her domain and site.

The thing I dont want to talk to her but I also know this will keep her always having a reason to come back. Should i just reply to her saying I will do it when I have the time. That is it.

You need to cut ties if you are done with her.  The longer you drag this out, the longer you will need to deal with it.  Tell her to get her own server then release the domain or transfer it to her new server for her.  Or to make matters easier, do the transfer of the domain and website for her.  

The other option is, if it is just a personal blog site then it probably wouldn't be the end of the world if it just disappeared.  

Is the domain in your name or did you just park it on your server?

Yeah my feelings at the moment are just anger, so I dont want to "help" her out after everything she has done to me. I just feel like she doesnt deserve it. She will spin regardless, if I am super nice and help her I will still be black, if i dont ill be black.

Its also a little childish but I have power she doesnt and that is why she is being like this. It feels quite nice to not be the one chasing.

[C.Stein]

Remove yourself from the situation by dealing with the domain transfer.  I know how it feels to be angry, to want them to hurt like you are, but what purpose does it serve in the long run?   More likely than not once you release your anger you will feel guilty.  Perhaps the bigger thing to do here is put aside your anger and do what you know is the right thing to do. 

You may think you have some power here but you don't because you are still allowing her to control your emotions.

[Skip]

Its also a little childish but I have power she doesn't and that is why she is being like this. It feels quite nice to not be the one chasing.

Open up an account in her name at enom, transfer the domain over to it, and send her the site files via email. She can find her own server, change the DNS, and upload her blog on her own timeline and terms. I know your mad, and should be. Don't be petty.

Have you asked for the return of your things?  If its important to you, you can email her and say you will do the above and you need her to mail back your stuff.

And if its too hard (which I think we get), have a friend do it for you. Stay out of the loop.

[kyon147]

Its also a little childish but I have power she doesn't and that is why she is being like this. It feels quite nice to not be the one chasing.

Open up an account in her name at enom, transfer the domain over to it, and send her the site files via email. She can find her own server, change the DNS, and upload her blog on her own timeline and terms. I know your mad, and should be. Don't be petty.

Have you asked for the return of your things?  If its important to you, you can email her and say you will do the above and you need her to mail back your stuff.

And if its too hard (which I think we get), have a friend do it for you. Stay out of the loop.

If I do the good thing and send it to her, what are the chances she will just still paint me black and that will be that.

I have wondered, will it even make a difference to what she thinks about me.

[Skip]

I have wondered, will it even make a difference to what she thinks about me.

Its hard to know what's going on in her head.

It will make a difference, however, about how you think about yourself.

[C.Stein]

If I do the good thing and send it to her, what are the chances she will just still paint me black and that will be that.

I have wondered, will it even make a difference to what she thinks about me.

Hasn't she already painted you black?  Ask yourself what does it matter if she does.  Regardless of what you do, you will get painted black.  You can't control her thoughts and emotions, you never could.  I've been painted black ... .and yes it bothers me ... but there is nothing I can do about it, just like there is nothing you can do about it.  Conduct yourself with honor and integrity here for your own sake.

[kyon147]

I just don't get her like even her texts are just rude. She wants something from me but has no manners nothing.

If she had ask normally or even nicely I would still be sorting it but her response was.

"Talk to my new bfs friend and give him all the stuff, then you won't ever need to hear from me again"

Why would I want to talk to this person. Why do manners fly out the window. Treating me like crap still aint going to get the result she wants.

At the moment I have ignored her text while I sort through my emotions.

[Skip]

At the moment I have ignored her text while I sort through my emotions.

Smart.

You're reacting to her because she has hurt you.  She is reacting to you because you are not being open about returning her stuff.

Its a cycle / drama feeding on itself. Check this out: https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

1. If you really want to stop spinning the cycle, send her a text and tell her you are sorry and that your feeling are hurt and you are acting childish. That will lighten her up, either now or later.

2. If you want to avoid her, deal with her friend on a read friendly respectful way.  It doesn't need to be tense.

3. Or it you want no involvement, do as I suggested earlier and just email her the account info and the files with no narrative.

You're holding on to this as a possible vehicle to resolve you hurt. We all do things like this. It helps to have friends steer us away from it. 

[kyon147]

Hi All

Thought I would update you all, decided to send her a text message this morning.

Said I would sort out the website stuff for her and would email her over the details. I also asked for a couple of my bits back which she was borrowing before we broke up.

I asked them to be posted but they are quite big, including a gaming keyboard. I expect her to tell me to come collect it. What are the chances of her wanting to see me?