A Lesson for Those Staying for the Kids

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

As many of you know I have separated from and in the process of divorce DPWBPD of nearly 18 years.  Today I took my youngest son to a therapist to discuss his transition during the divorce.  To be clear the boys are living with me and she has moved out.  The therapist pulled me aside afterward and told me my son said "the divorce is a relief" and "it is better being with dad than mom".  I should have sent her out sooner.  I spent so much time worrying about getting her better and containing the damage with the kids while she was here that I missed the obvious choice. My rescuing of her may have cost my kids.  DON'T STAY FOR THE KIDS!  It is only hurting them more.

[KaishaMikasa]

As many of you know I have separated from and in the process of divorce DPWBPD of nearly 18 years.  Today I took my youngest son to a therapist to discuss his transition during the divorce.  To be clear the boys are living with me and she has moved out.  The therapist pulled me aside afterward and told me my son said "the divorce is a relief" and "it is better being with dad than mom".  I should have sent her out sooner.  I spent so much time worrying about getting her better and containing the damage with the kids while she was here that I missed the obvious choice. My rescuing of her may have cost my kids.  DON'T STAY FOR THE KIDS!  It is only hurting them more.

[Michelle27]

Absolutely right.  I made that mistake for a long time.  During the last few years with my ex, our daughter had an emotional meltdown about once or twice a month over a variety of things.  Since the 6 months since the ex moved, our daughter has had TWO meltdowns.  Two.  And this is with her father having disappeared totally from her life by changing his phone number and not bothering to let her know for the past 3.5 months. You'd think she'd be a mess, but she's not.  She's doing better than she has in years.