Expecting them back after NC

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Sounds similar to my situation. I'm in the phone call business as well. She couldn't even dignify it with a face to face after almost 3 years.

Familiar to me as well. And I didn't even get a phone call. Only email.

[steelwork]

Sounds similar to my situation. I'm in the phone call business as well. She couldn't even dignify it with a face to face after almost 3 years.

Familiar to me as well. And I didn't even get a phone call. Only email.

[C.Stein]

I think they are literally emotionally retarded at the age that something awful happened; maybe like us all? However, they are SUPER stuck there. My BPDex is at ~ 21-22 yrs old. I don't know what happened, but he is really fixated on that era and acts like it and talks about that time just like it happened but when he devastates me 2 months ago? That was a LONG TIME AGO... .It is a shame for a 52 year old man. I can't imagine. I had a crap childhood like none other and I will try to write a book in these coming years but he can't even process his issues. Tragic and toxic.

I think my ex is stuck somewhere around late teens to early twenties with regard to emotional maturity.

[Joem678]

Jane,

You are on to something.  When my wife goes through this type of crisis, it's like her current brain is replaced by the brain of her late teens.  The conversations we have, the complaints she has, her behaviors all go back to that era.  You can even see it in her text.  It's peculiar.  My teenage boys have noticed this as well.  It's as if, the Mr. Hyde is from a specific time in their life.

Anyone else experience this?

[burritoman]

Jane,

You are on to something.  When my wife goes through this type of crisis, it's like her current brain is replaced by the brain of her late teens.  The conversations we have, the complaints she has, her behaviors all go back to that era.  You can even see it in her text.  It's peculiar.  My teenage boys have noticed this as well.  It's as if, the Mr. Hyde is from a specific time in their life.

Anyone else experience this?

I can definitely relate. When we would argue it felt like I was arguing with a teenager, and if she had a breakdown I felt like I was dealing with a little girl.

[JaneStorm]

I saw this dynamic with my mother a few years ago... .up there at her house fixing and cleaning. She came at me with venom because I moved some dusty business card. I calmly told her I was there just like every year because I love her and want to help and I would not throw anything out, just dust it (she has COPD, hoarder, and filthy dust and dog hair). She shouts, "YOU NEVER CARED BEFORE!" Ran into her room, slammed the door and dashed herself on the bed.

I was like, What the heck? I opened the door and calmly said, "Mom, you are acting like a f-ing petulant child." then I gently closed the door. I have not been back since. Limited phone calls. She has been this since my first memory.

Having a lover do that is super twilight zone stuff. 

[alwaysT_Time]

For mine, it was push away, want nothing to do with me for about a week (in which time there was NC), then they would text/call/email expressing a desire to meet up for "closure" or that they were sad, and each time I would re-enter things.

Prior to this I had not experience with any type of break-up/make-up cycle, and by the end I had become used to it.

Things would end because I was a "monster, terrible, manipulative, etc," and then often a bunch of hateful texts were sent to me that I would not reply to.

This last break-up seems more lasting (though I always assumed every break-up was the final one) - they returned my belongings (including some gifts), and have said I am not healthy for them, and will be getting a restraining order against me. That was maybe two weeks ago. So we'll see.

It is hard - I both fear hearing from them again, and never hearing from them. Ultimately I know it is better for me to not be involved in any way with this person. Still hard.

[Mutt]

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