How did it finally end?

[steve195915]

I thought it may help to hear others stories of how their relationship ended with their pwBPD partner.  Did the pwBPD end it or did we finally decide to get off the roller coaster?  How did it finally end or do you feel it's not really over?

With my relationship of 22 months we went through multiple breakups, some only a day or two, some a week, and one for 2 1/2 months where she was seeing someone else.  I believe she had already had this guy lined up then invented a fight to have a reason to break up and start seeing him.  I didn't know about BPD at first and certainly didn't make the relationship smooth at the beginning but then I noticed all these issues, figured out she had BPD and learned validation, empathy, how not to take things personally, how to diffuse potential arguments.  I told myself that I am going to do everything possible to make things work with her but I set a condition for myself in that if there's cheating or another breakup then I need to walk away. 

We went on a camping trip where we had a great time as I diffused any arguments, and ignored the occasional verbal abuse from her.  That night after I left her house after the camping trip, she texted how much she missed and loved me, how hard it is to sleep and not having me next to her, how that I can count on her and that she will always be there for me.  Then after two days of exchanging pleasant texts, I text her at 6PM that I made soup for my dinner and plan to play tennis that evening. She then asks if I can bring her some soup (she lives 45 mins away).  She goes to bed early so I would only see her for an hour so I suggest I meet her for lunch or we can plan it earlier the next day so we can have more time together.  Her next text is she's done and walking away from the relationship. 

Was I shocked? actually not but I had to give it this last chance.  It seems like when she feels we get very close she walks away. I suspect she has someone lined up too.  I'm sticking to my promise I made to myself to walk away from this relationship if she did this again.  I realized that her mental illness can't be cured.  Still can't fathom how you can show so much love one day with talk and promises of a future and the next day end it abruptly with no apparent reason, and with no pain or sense of remorse.  But I know it's the mental illness, their brains don't work in any logical way and we can never make sense of it.  So I've maintained NC and don't plan to initiate any.  I haven't blocked anything and if she contacts me I'll respond kindly but I can't allow myself to go back on that roller coaster again.  We do have some posessions of each other so we may need to see each other to exchange but thats all.  I noticed a post she put on FB which said "A girl that remains loyal to you without a relationship, is the girl you should marry".  I'm sure that's meant for me so that I keep hanging around and waiting for her so she can have that option open.  I feel like posting my own saying, "A girl that remains loyal would never leave a relationship", but am done playing games.  Anyways I'm sure she has my replacement lined up and has made contact and maybe is seeing them already.

I need to stay strong but it sure does hurt. 

[steelwork]

I feel like I'm just spamming you all with my dumb story, but... .maybe if this helps someone else... .

I was in an ambiguous place with him. We'd had an affair, he left his wife, I hadn't left my bf. We were in love. On again/off again. He talked about eventually finding someone else. What could I say?

Here's how it ended: we were having a friendly, affectionate g-chat and he burst in with:

"Will you be mad if I start seeing someone else?"

I said I could not be mad, all things considered, but I'd be sad. I asked, "Are you seeing someone else?"

He said, "Hah-no!"

Then he stopped answering emails for a few days. (We lived in different cities.) I wrote and asked if anything was wrong. He replied:

"Nothing's wrong. I'm busy, and happy in a new relationship."

BOOM

He refused to talk on the phone about what had happened. He attacked me via email--first ever showing of full rage. Then he blocked me everywhere for a month. In the meantime, I finally left my bf, as he had been begging me to do for years, and moved to the town (my hometown) where he lives. I sent him a letter, since I could not email or call etc. He called me back, told me he had been seeing someone we both know, that he had not told her about me, blah blah, leaving the door open. I stupidly tried to be "friends" for 2 month. He would send me emails that hinted broadly at issues left unresolved between us (dreams, allusions, etc), but would not ever be pinned down to meeting me in person. Nor did he ever acknowledge the extreme pain and disruption I was going through, which I was really downplaying so as to be a good sport.

This was the final end: after just hitting the wall with his evasiveness and labile moods and avoidance, I wrote to say happy birthday and said it was weird and sad that we weren't friends anymore.

Him: "Aren't we friends? I though we were friends! I wrote the last email."

(2 weeks earlier, a total non sequitur, which ignored my direct address of the situation. I'd said, "You don't have to tell me when or commit to a time frame--just check a box: yes or no, do you plan on talking in person about what went down?"

Me: "Well, I told you a few things I needed to feel their was a friendship, and you didn't respond, so I took that as your response."

Him: "I must have missed that email, because I didn't know about the terms and conditions."

Me: "That was so sarcastic and mean. I asked that you let me know if you were ever going to talk in person, and also that you acknowledge what I've been through these last few months. Those are my "terms and conditions" for friendship: respect and empathy."

AND THAT WAS IT. No response. That was last March. Only a single polite exchange in Sept to let him know I was taking our blog down. "Hope you're well" type stuff from me, same from him.

You could say I chased him those last few months. I'm sure that's how he feels. How I feel is that I acted toward him with generosity and integrity and kept to the high road. I can at least feel good about that.

[steve195915]

From all the stories I read on here it's so common for them to act so lovingly one minute and the next it's goodbye and have no real explanation, no pain or remorse.  What's ironic is that their greatest fear is abandonment. 

[steelwork]

What's ironic is that their greatest fear is abandonment. 

Yeah... .in the one phone call we had (after I sent the letter), he said, "I have abandonment issues." I just... .couldn't even address that, since the whole premise of the call was that HE was abandoning ME.

It occurred to me later: I'm not saying he didn't have a horrible childhood, but (as he well knew) my mother ACTUALLY abandoned me. Moved to another country when I was 10. I chased her there, lived with her and her new husband, who hated me, until I was 12 and decided on my own to move in with another relative, which neither of my parents expressed any opinion about. And my father, when I was with him, routinely ditched me, even in foreign cities, even for 3 days when I was 13 and we were on a bicycle trip. And that my father then died when I was 14. Hello, abandonment.

[blackbirdsong]

What's ironic is that their greatest fear is abandonment. 

Yeah... .in the one phone call we had (after I sent the letter), he said, "I have abandonment issues." I just... .couldn't even address that, since the whole premise of the call was that HE was abandoning ME.

It occurred to me later: I'm not saying he didn't have a horrible childhood, but (as he well knew) my mother ACTUALLY abandoned me. Moved to another country when I was 10. I chased her there, lived with her and her new husband, who hated me, until I was 12 and decided on my own to move in with another relative, which neither of my parents expressed any opinion about. And my father, when I was with him, routinely ditched me, even in foreign cities, even for 3 days when I was 13 and we were on a bicycle trip. And that my father then died when I was 14. Hello, abandonment.

I am not a psychologist, but your FOO statements suggest that you maybe have need to be needed, and not to be loved. Maybe you constantly seeking for someone's approval and admiration. Something that you didn't receive in your childhood.

Maybe this is a reason why you ended in a relationship with BPD at the first place... .Think about this, this is just a friendly advice... . 

[steelwork]

I am not a psychologist, but your FOO statements suggest that you maybe have need to be needed, and not to be loved. Maybe you constantly seeking for someone's approval and admiration. Something that you didn't receive in your childhood.

Maybe this is a reason why you ended in a relationship with BPD at the first place... .Think about this, this is just a friendly advice... . 

Oh yeah, 100% correct there, blackbirdsong.

[steelwork]

What's ironic is that their greatest fear is abandonment. 

But to address this comment more directly: I guess sometimes people abandon you preemptively. Out of fear that you will abandon them if they don't do it first. They don't want to NEED you.

Mine said that as well: that he didn't want to be so attached to anyone anymore. I guess he was onto something. I genuinely hope he's found a better balance.

[steve195915]

What's ironic is that their greatest fear is abandonment. 

But to address this comment more directly: I guess sometimes people abandon you preemptively. Out of fear that you will abandon them if they don't do it first. They don't want to NEED you.

Mine said that as well: that he didn't want to be so attached to anyone anymore. I guess he was onto something. I genuinely hope he's found a better balance.

Yes I thought of that too.  They have such a fear of being abandoned they also tend to look for other options while they're with you, sometimes they may cheat when they find that other option.  And yes I believe that they don't like the idea of being so attached to someone that they think will eventually abandon them so they push you away so they won't have to need you.  What's confounding is they can do things to destroy a relationship where they are so deeply loved and they feel no pain or remorse for abandoning you, no sense of loss, and they can just jump into another relationship.  Can you say "CRAZY!"

[steelwork]

What's confounding is they can do things to destroy a relationship where they are so deeply loved and they feel no pain or remorse for abandoning you, no sense of loss, and they can just jump into another relationship.  Can you say "CRAZY!"

I can say "CRAZY!" with you.

I can also say "so sad."

And I can look into my own heart. Attraction to damaged men who ONLY I CAN TRULY UNDERSTAND, so I will be super important and indispensable to them. Which has worked out SO WELL for me.

[steelwork]

Didn't mean to derail this thread. I hope others will share their stories of how it ended.

[Hopeful83]

A very long story short... .

We had been travelling the world together for the previous nine months. We had a three-year relationship, all years of which were spent living together. We decided at the beginning of the year (once our travels were up) that we'd settle down in my home country (his idea) - we'd get married, buy a house and start a business. So in May he went to his home country to get his visa sorted, I went back to mine as my sister was ill with cancer at the time. There were tears at the airport, plenty of I'll miss you's and declarations of love.

I never saw him again.

He went home and was 'normal' for about ten days, then once his mum (who I suspect never wanted me to marry him because I wasn't from the same ethnic background and religion as them) found out we planned on getting married everything changed. She convinced him to stay longer to study for an exam (one he never ended up taking, may I add - once i was out of the picture I guess it didn't matter), he started talking about the immense pressure he was under (without actually telling me what the ins and outs of this pressure were). His mum then also convinced him into saying he was thinking of staying in his home country for a year, so we started arguing - I was annoyed he was thinking of changing a plan we made together on what seemed like a whim! I'm sure it was part of her plan - it got us arguing.

Then enters a Z-list ex who broke his heart throughout school and also while he was abroad at uni. He tells me he can't stop thinking about her, I end it. He showed no remorse, didn't try to get me to change my mind (even though he said he just needed time to sort himself out). It was so strange - we went from "You're the love of my life" to "I don't know how I feel about you" in the space of a few weeks. All because he'd seen some woman who'd broken his heart in the past. I was mind boggled. Still am.

Two months later he was engaged to her (despite the fact that when he told his mum he wanted to marry ME his mum said we couldn't make a marriage work and that he wasn't financially secure enough. But I guess these issues went out the window once he got engaged to someone from his culture - and in his country they only get engaged when they have the blessing of both sets of parents. So yeah, make of that what you will).

A lot more detail to this one, but this is the gist of it. Nice little combination of bad FOO issues, a family who are racist, and BPD traits on his behalf. Took me ages to make sense of everything (At times I still struggle with it).

Hopeful

[steve195915]

No you didn't derail the thread. Great discussions so far and it felt good to get my story out.

[MakingMyWay]

It started about a week out from it actually happening. She basically said she wanted to go to the beach with my replacement so she could "take photos for instagram". I said that sounded a lot like a date and she assured me they were just friends. I said I would do it with her, but I trusted her to go with this guy. This is the first time she'd had a friend in a few months and I didn't want to ruin that for her. She made me feel very guilty for bringing up doubts like that in the past so I tried not to protest. I don't know if the trip ever happened.

The following week after that interaction, I was studying for an exam, so I told her I probably wouldn't be able to see her that week. She tried to guilt me into going to her house or going somewhere with her, but I stayed firm and insisted I needed to study. She started saying she was going places for the day which she had never been before. I had no idea why she was going there, but she insisted she was doing it alone. I doubt that now.

She was incredibly distant that week. I was trying to organise plans for the weekend, but she kept saying she was busy. Whenever I texted her she would say she was busy. She was still saying she loved me and I was used to her being this distant when something was bothering her so I didn't pay much attention to it. I asked her if something was wrong, but she changed the subject then kept ignoring me. The night before she dumped me I had just finished exams so I was on top of the world. She asked ":)o you love me?". I sent a long message basically saying "Of course I do, I'll never leave you blah blah blah" she just replied "Okay, I love you too" then went to bed. I was used to this as well, so I didn't pursue it further. The next morning I wake up and text her good morning. She doesn't reply for a few hours, but just says "I am coming over". She turns up at my door, tells me to sit down and dumps me, saying "we've grown apart". I asked if there was someone else, but she said no. After that she basically ran out the door, completely dead pan, no emotion at all and drove off.

I went into panic mode and emailed her, went on to facebook to find she had already removed me, called her phone to find my number blocked. It was absolutely heartbreaking to think that this person I had loved for three years, who made me promise to marry her could completely and cruelly remove me from her life in one week. The next week I found out she was dating the same guy she said she wanted to go to the beach with. I wasn't surprised but it hurt. I logged into her email (she didn't change the password) and found messages between them.

I really regret what happened next. I logged onto her facebook through her email and messaged my replacement telling him what has happened, trying to warn him. He obviously didn't listen and I came across as crazy, so I wish I never did that. I still feel very crazy for having done that. She emailed me a few days later saying how much I had hurt her, but she understood why I did it. She said she would do the same thing if I was in her situation. That was very disturbing to me, since it made me question whether or not I was the crazy one.

She apologised for hurting me, but her actions didn't match her words at all. This was incredibly confusing for me, since she was being seemingly rational. But I guess if she really didn't want to hurt me, she wouldn't have started a new relationship as quickly as she did and dumped me so brutally.

I apologised and told her how much I regretted it but she never replied. I emailed her every few weeks asking to talk, but she ignored me. I ran into her at university about one month after she dumped me. She tried to talk to me but I said I didn't want to talk. A month after that I ran into her again. I asked to talk and she agreed. She was emotionless the whole time and gave me irrelevant reasons for dumping me and still insisted it had nothing to do with my replacement, but it is clear it did. Two days later her dad is calling me telling me I stalked her. After that I haven't had any contact with her.

[steve195915]

Very sad story MakingMyWay but very common. She probably felt you were abandoning her by not seeing her when you were studying so she just moved on with your replacement.  She probably had him lined up before hand.  Did she really love you like she said?  I don't think they know what love is because the actions aren't consistent with love. 

[MakingMyWay]

Very sad story MakingMyWay but very common. She probably felt you were abandoning her by not seeing her when you were studying so she just moved on with your replacement.  She probably had him lined up before hand.  Did she really love you like she said?  I don't think they know what love is because the actions aren't consistent with love. 

I felt that was the case. She had always said I was a different person when I was stressed out from studying, but I feel  this was her projecting. She definitely had him lined up before hand. This guy was obsessed with her in a creepy way. I told her that and you could almost see the gears turning in her head. I know she loved me in her own way for about 3 years, but she insisted she was lying about loving me in that week so I wouldn't fail my exam, which in a way was far crueller than just admitting she didn't love me any more, since it made me feel like nothing was wrong. I think lying about loving somebody is one of the worst lies you can tell.

[burritoman]

Oops. I accidentally posted this to the wrong thread before. Repost here... .

You know, I read a lot of these stories about people being in contact with their ex even for a little bit after a breakup. At least you got that. Mine argued with me over the phone about how she hasn't been single at all in her 20s, what if she were to want to go home with someone, why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, I need space to become healthy if I were to want to return to this someday. I gave my "blessing" to break up, which of course I didn't want. Hung up. She texted me some followup stuff about how she knows she's hurting me, blah blah. I ignored her, she called me out on it, I kept ignoring her, and here I am a month later without any contact or explanation as to what happened. I haven't reached out to her, and she hasn't reached out to me. No idea if she's going to try to come back or make any reconciliation.

And yes, it is crazy how they can just do it at the drop of a hat. The week leading up to the breakup she became very aloof. Barely responded to my texts, then told me that night that I was annoying her from all of my texting, forgetting about all of the constant contact and love bombing she did early on. The week prior we were talking all the time still, planning for the future. It was also Halloween week, and even the night of she sent me photos of her in her costume for work. A sexy one, of course... .no idea what happened that night. Maybe it's better that I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I had gone down to see her that weekend things would have been different. Probably not, though. If anything it would have just delayed the inevitable.

[Jazzy]

My partner  came to see me( we lived in separate cities) and as always  we had a lovely time together.We even spoke of our marriage  .However I did think there was something at the back of his mind as he did seem more quiet than usual.I put it down to the  pressures at the new job he had taken up.Immediately after he went back , his texts, calls and mails became less frequent and when we did speak he was rude, mean and even cruel  at times. He would say things he never said before and started calling me names and blaming me for things I had not said or done. It was almost as if he was  fabricating stories to make it  impossible for me to remain with him. I was taken aback because we had been together 6 years and while he did get depressed sometimes and would get angry when stressed out, he was otherwise a gentle person. I initially  did not retaliate  thinking  it was work issues but later when it just got worse I asked him if he was seeing someone else. When he replied in the affirmative, I thought he was kidding ( I trusted him so much and thought he would never ever cheat on me or leave me), but after a few days when I found out it had been going on for at least a few months, I realized he was saying the truth. I had already been replaced even before he came to see me. He wanted to remain"good friends" ,so I continued to be in touch with him, but he was always  

extremely hurtful and cruel. Yet the thought of breaking off ties with him was so overwhelming that I continued to bear all the humiliation and pain as he raged on endlessly and without reason. Finally after 6 weeks of verbal and emotional abuse and name calling I felt I would not survive if I stayed with him. I was not sleeping, not eating and was constantly suffering from migraines and stomach problems. Around the same time I read up on BPD and understood that what was happening was not because of any fault of mine and that there was nothing I could have done better to save the situation. I told him I would not contact him anymore and he said "OK". Nothing more. That was 6 weeks ago. He has not tried to get in touch with me.He discarded me like an object he no longer needed. After 6 long years of what I thought was a fantastic relationship. A relationship where there were no fights , no problems.He did not feel guilty or say sorry. He did not see how he ruined my life, took away my most treasured thing from me. He never turned back to see the carnage he left behind. I believe he is very happy in his new relationship with a much older woman.  A few days ago I did see their pictures on FB and it tore me up  . I wish he would understand how he has destroyed me completely and at least say sorry , but I know it will never happen. For the sake of my own sanity ,I must forget him. I still think of him every second of the day and I miss him terribly. My life is a mess and I don't know if I will ever trust or love again.All I pray for now is the abilty to forget . I hope I will some day.

[steve195915]

Thank you for sharing with us Jazzy. 

With all the stories there seems to be a common thread that our partners can just end what we thought was a very deep relationship very abruptly with no real reason or explanation and also have no apparent grief, pain or remorse.  It leaves us to feel so devastated and with so many unresolved questions that we can't understand to get some sort of closure.  it seems they want to leave us in that unresolved state so they can have that option to take us back if they want at a later time, which may be when their next relationship gets rocky or fails. 

Very sad that we allow ourselves to be so wronged and we have to endure that pain inside thats so hard to put away. 

[Michelle27]

My story is a little different in that I ended it, not him.

We were together for 15 years.  The first 5 were good, although in hindsight, I can see red flags that I ignored.  At the 6 year mark together, we discovered that his son from his first marriage (then 7)had been sexually abused for a period of years while in his mother's home by his step brothers.  My ex became a turtle on his back and became unable to cope with anything more than going to work.  The raging started.  I wrote his depositions and worked behind the scenes since he couldn't deal with the resulting year long trial related to my stepson's abuse and custody.  I now know that my ex had seriously lied about some of his testimony and that is what contributed to us losing the case.  During the trial, we decided to get married and holy mackerel, that's when serious raging began.  He in fact had a huge rage in front of guests to our wedding... .

The next few years were spent with rages every 3-6 weeks.  I took to carrying around overnight stuff and work clothes in my car and fled my home dozens of times, almost always at night.  I was deep in the FOG.  Eventually, I started thinking he was depressed and made arrangements to take him to the hospital to get evaluated.  He manipulated the situation and ended up getting sent home during which he had such a rage on the drive home that I pulled over and called 911.  The police took him back to the hospital and made them keep him overnight.  The next day he was diagnosed with depression.  The next couple years were a nightmare of him quitting his meds, not following through with treatment and raging.  That's when he also started accusing me of cheating on him, which I wasn't. I dragged him to 3 different marriage counselors and a couple's communication course all of which he sabotaged.  I now know that that's when he began a year long affair with my "friend", and probably more.  He also began seriously gaslighting my daughter from my first marriage and in this time, his our young daughter (then 7) disclosed that his son had inappropriately sexually acted out with her.  My ex actually admitted his horrible treatment of my daughter from first marriage was because his son was "bad" and he wanted to "even it up". 

Around then I discovered the existence of BPD, and it fit.  Unfortunately, I pushed for him to get treatment which I now realize was the wrong thing to do.  Of course, nothing happened.  I saw a counselor who encouraged me to start taking care of myself.  I did and began a journey of losing 140 lbs and learning to love me again. This led to healthy detachment from my ex but I couldn't pull the plug.   A year ago now I signed myself up for counseling to help me make a decision.  That's when my ex admitted the year long affair I had suspected.  Worst Christmas of my life as I worked to stay and make a good one for my kids when all I wanted to do was leave.  He made all kinds of promises, including getting treatment for BPD.  A month later, I laid down a boundary of if he raged, he needed to leave the home so I could heal and feel like my home was a safe place.  He wholeheartedly agreed and we had plans in place and back up plans. Sure enough, in March, he raged and refused to leave so I did.  The next day, I told him to pack a bag and he needed to leave.  AFter 2 weeks during which I realize that it wasn't enough to help me feel safe in my home, I organized a rented room in which we would alternate a week staying in that room and the other in our home.  This was to keep things stable for our daughter.  Meanwhile, he was supposedly seeking treatment but it rang false.  During this time he was stalking me... .electronically and following me.  I never felt safe.  At the 3 month separated mark, I realized there was too much damage and I needed to end it so I met with him for coffee and told him.  He actually told me I hadn't give him "enough of a chance".  Whatever. 

It's now been 6 months since he moved out.  He spent 5.5 hours with our 11 year old daughter (in the first 6 weeks) and then promptly disappeared.  Moved out of town, changed his phone number (leaving me responsible for his bill since it was a family plan), paid not one cent of child support in 6 months and has not had ANY contact with his daughter in almost 4 months. 

[thisworld]

Steve, yes, I experienced the same - the moment I put a boundary or even just wanted to mention it so that we could negotiate, he turned into a block of ice and attempted to leave me god knows how many times in a matter of two days. And this is how we split up:

I first confronted him about his passive aggressive attacks about what he thought would hurt me in terms of my body image, sexuality, age etc. I'm a fit and attractive woman, I'm 38, look much younger - which I don't have to and I'm not ageist- and this was a guy my age but he always dated younger females. So there were childish things like: "So, you don't mind me having these young online groupies, do you?" "Your friend (my married friend of 15 years) wrote a comment here, I think she fancies me." etc. etc. He offered no empathy but said he understood (very dismissively, zero empathy). Then, on the same day, I discovered an email he wrote to his ex from three years ago - that he told me he was over. He was begging her to be facebook friends, told her about a dream he had - they were checking into a hotel together- and he was also telling her that he was with me, a very "understanding" person. Argh! He denied he did this, when I confronted him with evidence, he had a rage attack, broke my laptop and threw a tantrum. I didn't react. Next day, he said this was his obsession and we even talked about how he could overcome this - he is also a drug addict so he combined the two because (I think) he knows his recovery is my soft spot. However, during this discussion when he started shouting again, I asked him not to shout or I would not talk to him. I also reminded him that it was him who violated our relationship and I was getting punished for it. Seeing that he couldn't provoke me into anger, he decided to leave me again. He packed his suitcase, booked a bus ticket, left the luggage at home and I found him in the hospital next day after a drug para-suicide/overdose/accident. he says it's all of themç However, he was quite irritable and aggressive from the moment he stood up and I had to warn him again in the hospital garden not to shout at me or I would have to leave. We came home, I offered a lot of empathy on the way, was positive and calm and he was constantly irritated about how he lost his shoes. He tried to pull me into sex (as he does whenever we need to talk about something), I asked him politely and softly to give us a bit of time to relax because we went through a lot - we were already exes because he had dumped me the day before- he went cold. But he grinningly said he would go and put his stuff back into the wardrobe - my intention was to offer him a place to stay until he collected himself a bit, but our relationship was over. He didn't even ask if I would take him back. I told him that he could but we would have to talk. In between, I had also discovered how he portrayed me to his online confidantes - like I was looking after him and he was fine here but he didn't let me touch his body - a blatant lie, I work from home and he was after me all the time:)) Up to that point, he constantly complained about how he didn't want to be looked after but had zero attempts to look for a job or use less drugs. Damned if you help damned if you don't.

So the next day, I told him that we he described as his "substitute" treatment didn't work - it resulted in an overdose!- and that I wouldn't finance his medical expenses unless he started a structured recovery programme. I also said that if he was annoyed with the stuff I bought for him, he could return them so that he wouldn't feel annoyed anymore. He asked me what I was going to do with them but didn't return anything:)) He said enough of this talk in a very dismissive tone.

During all this, not a simple thank you for anything.Not a simple recognition of what I might be going through.  

That same evening, he started begging and pestering me so that he could do some drugs - I don't by the way- we had agreed that we would ask an expert in the morning but he kept on pestering me and I said I didn't want to be pestered like this, it wasn't my responsibility and I had the right to watch the film we were watching without being pressured like this. (All this, right after the overdose). He didn't offer to change or do anything else, understood this as break-up and I didn't insist that he stayed. I thanked him for our good times, apologized for my mistakes. he didn't reciprocate. He left the next day.

He is with his mother at the moment, has had a 180 degree turn, sounds mature and insightful. He also told me that he decided to start recovery - as if trying to make me regret my decisions. Also sent me a piece expressing his feelings - not about us- and an animation about us. he then wrote that he loves me and would understand if I didn't keep in touch.

Rollercoaster, eh:))    

   

[C.Stein]

@Jazzy,

What you experienced with your ex post discard is very similar to what I have experienced.  There has been no indication from my ex that she ever had any feelings for me.   She has moved on like we never shared anything together.  It is more than confusing and hurts like hell.  I will also probably never get an apology because that would necessitate an admission of guilt and responsibility on her part.   It is easier for her to place the blame on my head.  My withdrawal which I allowed to happen as a result of her hurtful behavior towards me provides her with all the justification she needs.  I have become the scapegoat for all her misdeeds and hurtful behavior and it is unlikely that will ever change.