Projection - he called me emotionally abusive and told me I need to "reconcile"

[formflier]

 The answer hasn't changed but my understanding of it has based on feedback from the board.

          I'm glad you are a stayer and want to work on your r/s.  One of the reasons that we developed your need for taking space in a previous thread was to give you more time for you.  To sort out your feelings, tend to your hurts, really step up your self care regimen.  In my opinion, threads about who hung up on who and what "the problem" is that you are facing on a certain day, will not be productive until you sort out a lot of big picture items.  Taking space and time for yourself will give you the opportunity to work on those things.  Most people on the staying board have a clear reason that they are going to put the required effort into improving a relationship with a pwBPD traits.  I have no clue what your reason is.  The answers provided are inconsistent and represent big changes in a short period of time.  Taking time to work on me often produces great gains for me and for my relationship.  If I'm not stable and consistent, I am subject to being blown around by the shifting winds of the pwBPD in my life.    My hope and advice for you is to spend time by yourself, working on yourself, so you can find something stable to build on.          

FF  

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[unicorn2014]

Form flier, I know this topic is going to get locked soon.

What can I do to change your perception of me as not being stable inside or not having a clear reason for staying? I find it distressing that you think of me that way because it is not who I am so I want to more accurately represent myself to you and I don't know how to do that.

Are there any other stayers who are engaged?

[formflier]

  What can I do to change your perception of me as not being stable inside or not having a clear reason for staying? I find it distressing that you think of me that way because it is not who I am so I want to more accurately represent myself to you and I don't know how to do that.    

         1.  Have a thread, get guidance in that thread, take consistent action on the decisions that you make.  Your choices.  Such as taking space for yourself.   2.  Slow down, especially for the big questions.  The moments will pass.  Many times slowing down will solve the problem of the moment.    3.  Stability is not a yes or no.  Identify steps towards greater stability, and take those steps.    4.  Don't worry about what I think, or your boyfriend thinks.  Worry about what you think and how you think.  Loop back to number 2.  Slow down.  5.  You are representing yourself just fine.  You posts and how they come across have been consistent.  Focus more on taking steps towards stability and emotional health that worrying about how you represent yourself.    As you grow and get stronger it will be obvious to all.  You are in a safe place.  We are all rooting for you and your r/s.  There are tried and true methods to give your relationship with a pwBPD traits the best chance of success.  Slowly but surely if you focus on #1, those methods will become part of you.  Again, that will become obvious to all as you make those changes.   You can do this!           

FF

[unicorn2014]

Form flier what I am saying is that you have a false perception that I am mentally or emotionally unstable and I am asking you how I can change your perception.

----

I should also add what can I do to change your perception of me that I am emotionally unhealthy?

----

I think what is going on here is that I am so transparent that you can see right through me and into the difficulties in my life that I did not create and you think what you are seeing is me and it is not. I could be wrong.

[formflier]

Please don't worry so much about others perceptions, or my perception of you.    Slow down, focus on the content, don't worry about others perceptions.  It's not right or wrong, black or white.  I am advising you to stake a step towards more health, more stability, more strength.  Very different that saying you have none.  Think of it as going to the gym.  You already have muscles, you need (want) to make them stronger.  More stability, more emotional health is good for anyone.  It is critical if you are going to stay in a r/s with a pwBPD traits.  You will have to lead.  You do that by keeping your side of the street clean.    Show them (the pwBPD) the path to better regulation of their emotions by living an example for them.  This is hard stuff.  Important stuff.  It's a journey we are all on.  I look forward to cheering you on as you take consistent steps in the direction of stability and health.          

FF

[unicorn2014]

Thank you for your kind words form flier. I will be repeating the emotional regulation unit of DBT next month with the revised DBT skills training manual .

[Kwamina]

This thread has reached it's post limit. Thanks everyone for participating.