Keeping my side of the street clean

[unicorn2014]

Form flier posted something in my last thread I didn't get a chance to respond to

Please don't worry so much about others perceptions, or my perception of you.    Slow down, focus on the content, don't worry about others perceptions.  It's not right or wrong, black or white.  I am advising you to stake a step towards more health, more stability, more strength.  Very different that saying you have none.  Think of it as going to the gym.  You already have muscles, you need (want) to make them stronger.  More stability, more emotional health is good for anyone.  It is critical if you are going to stay in a r/s with a pwBPD traits.  You will have to lead.  You do that by keeping your side of the street clean.    Show them (the pwBPD) the path to better regulation of their emotions by living an example for them.  This is hard stuff.  Important stuff.  It's a journey we are all on.  I look forward to cheering you on as you take consistent steps in the direction of stability and health. 

Tonight the pwBPD hung up on me because I stood up to him when he told me I was correcting him. Yesterday he told me I was overreacting to him when I chose to turn off my Facebook timeline.(  I lost a friend in the past over his criticism of me, she couldn't deal with the depth of my issues with him. I'm still hurt by that )

I've realized that I need to come clean with my clergy person about the changes I've made in the relationship. I had talked with my clergy person about the person I am with having BPD traits and being married.

I wanted to let form flier know that I was still thinking about his post and since my original post was locked, I needed to create a new topic.

Thank you . It's late so I apologize if this doesn't make sense.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

   Tonight the pwBPD hung up on me because I stood up to him when he told me I was correcting him. Yesterday he told me I was overreacting to him when I chose to turn off my Facebook timeline.(  I lost a friend in the past over his criticism of me, she couldn't deal with the depth of my issues with him. I'm still hurt by that.  

       This is exactly the kind of drama that taking space, such as a therapeutic separation, will avoid.    These little slights and pricks take a toll and are a distraction for you, while you need to be focused on the bigger picture.  I've done a TS for several months.  It was scary starting out.  Looking back there was a lot of personal growth for me that happened then.  A lot of hurts got healed.  There is never a "good time" to do one.  You do it when it is needed.    You need to take space for you  Hopefully your partner will be onboard with it and during your limited contact times, you can work on r/s issues.    If he is not onboard with it, you still need to take space for you.        

FF

[unicorn2014]

Formflier I think for myself talking to my clergy person about what I found out in September will help me decide what direction to take. There are some that would say that my relationship doesn't even deserve a therapeutic separation because of the deception involved. I really appreciate your feedback.

Its the way my partner talks to me that I have a problem with, he's critical and judgmental. Some would say its not worth it.

[formflier]

Formflier I think for myself talking to my clergy person about what I found out in September will help me decide what direction to take.  

       Can you refresh us on what denomination you are?    Is there any doubt about what a "mainline" (I'm guessing 90% of American religions) clergy person would advise when you lay out your situation as you have laid it out here and ask for advice?  Are you looking for someone authoritative to "tell" you to leave?        

FF

[unicorn2014]

Formflier I'm sorry I can't reveal what denomination I am because I would give myself away.

No I'm talking about updating my priest on my situation and then making my confession because it's the season to do so.

I can leave anytime I want, I am not morally or legally obligated to stay with my partner. A former therapist pointed that out to me a long time ago. I've decided to give my partner another chance to set things straight. He said he was going to call a lawyer at the end of the month when he's done with his work projects so I'm going to give him a chance to do so.