pwBPD to English translator

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have always said, "he meant it at the time... .until he didn't."

[JaneStorm]

I have always said, "he meant it at the time... .until he didn't."

[heartbroken25]

steve195915

I'm currently separated and soon to be divorced from my dBPDh.  He left me three years ago (not the first occurrence, but pretty sure it will be the last) and now is expecting a child with another woman.  Totally devastating!

During the 25 years we were together, I heard many wonderful and horrible things come out of his mouth.  I've often heard that they often do speak the truth but we have to be diligent enough to find the kernel of truth in what they are saying.  Not easy, especially if you take everything they say to heart.

Interestingly enough, he'd always say the things that I wanted to hear him say when he didn't want to be the bad guy, be the victim, or playing on my weakness for a way back in, or when it benefited him in some way:

"I've always loved you" (before it was I 've never loved you, still looking for the love of my life)

"You've been the one person who truly cared for me" (before it was our relationship was always about you and your family)

"You're the greatest wife"  (this was said to me a week before he told me that he was leaving me)

One time in a fit of rage he actually said that he was selfish and manipulative, for this there is no translation or looking for the kernel of truth.  For once in his life he spoke the truth!

It just really sucks that us non's focus so much on what they say, as it can be so hurtful.  Even the good things you can't believe because the horrible things they spew at us combined with the opposite actions outweigh the good.  It's a game and us non's are in a no win situation.  Its very sad but true.

[JaneStorm]

Translation for me and my past relationships  was, "my dysfunction is familiar with your dysfunction. "   :'(

[kc sunshine]

Interesting some of the things that they say

steve195915


One time in a fit of rage he actually said that he was selfish and manipulative, for this there is no translation or looking for the kernel of truth.  For once in his life he spoke the truth!

In terms of things that need no translation, my ex said about herself that she was

"duplicitous"

"could make people fall in love with her"

"could make people do things for her"

Chilling.

[steve195915]

Interesting some of the things that they say

steve195915


One time in a fit of rage he actually said that he was selfish and manipulative, for this there is no translation or looking for the kernel of truth.  For once in his life he spoke the truth!

In terms of things that need no translation, my ex said about herself that she was

"duplicitous"

"could make people fall in love with her"

"could make people do things for her"

Chilling.

One thing is to just say it, but  if anyone can consciously know that they can make people fall in love  and make them do things for them, and that they would actually act on that to use people to meet whatever end they want,... .that would be absolute evil.  Borderlines don't fit that definition. 

Did you ever ask her if she actually used her "abilities" to use people to meet some end of hers? 

[burritoman]

Some more -

"You were the first man who wasn't a rebound." = "I'm not quite sure what 'rebound' means."

"I thrive on chaos." = "I create chaos."

"Your life sucks." = "My life sucks and I'm going to drag you down with me."

"I bet if I put myself out there to some of my guy friends, four or five of them would take me up on it." = "I've got 'em lined up."

"If you and I broke up, I'd be with someone again within a few months." = "I NEED to FEED."

[Suzn]

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