first time...

[timtom]

I'm an having problems coping with the stress of living with someone with BPD. I had some counselling, which has now finished, and was advised to seek support from this community.  I have never posted in a forum before and rarely talk to people about the situation I'm in.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chilibean13]

Welcome to the board. This is a great community for support and help. Can you tell us a little more about what you've been going through?

[isilme]

timtom,

Hi.  I was very glad to find this community, as it has been very helpful to talk to others both to validate what I have lived through as a child of 2 BPD parents, as well as to help improve my relationship with my uBPDFI. 

It HAS allowed me to learn to break some of my bad habits that tend to make things worse, and helped me take a step back to accepting the hurt and anger that can be directed at me by my uBPDFI. 

All I can say is that people have been supportive, and understand.  The one thing I DO caution you about is to keep your access to this site somewhere your pwBPD won't stumble across it.  Your need for a safe place to talk and learn will most likely not be understood.  As for the people on here, they all seem to want to help.

[timtom]

I have been with my partner for five years and I didn't realise anything was wrong at first but her aggressive and volatile behaviour increased over that period and it became pretty obvious something wasn't right.  She acknowledged that she has a problem and we thought it was connected with the menopause. After many visits to the doctor and finally a psychiatrist she was diagnosed with BPD.  This has helped us, knowing that this was a recognised condition somehow meant that it wasn't as surreal as it appear to us. We have had some horrendous times, sometimes involving physical violence when the police have had to be called.  I try so hard to keep calm and not react to her aggression but it's hard.  It's definitely affected my own health, I now have a stomach acid problem which I know is connected to the stress I'm under and I sometimes feel quite depressed. My doctor suggested I have counselling, which I did and that had helped a little. I'm quite a resourceful person but I just have no idea how to cope with this.  I can't abandon the woman I love.

[maxsterling]

You have found the right place  .  Believe me when I say this, we know exactly what you are going through.  This is a place where you can vent and ask questions and we won't judge you. 

The stress of a BPD relationship is also affecting my health, in serious ways.  Yet, it's hard to not to be with the woman I love.  I find that many friends and family members don't understand, and will question why I am still in the relationship.  People on this website understand - and I am grateful I have this place to feel welcome and understood.

I encourage you to open up about the issues you face with people whom you feel safe opening up to.  The worst thing for me is to sit in silence - that's when my depression gets worse.  I also encourage you to practice self-care.  Find little things that you can do and enjoy on your own, so that you can be away from the BPD madness for just a little while.  Hobbies are great.  So is exercise.

Keep posting - I think you will find this place a great resource.